take it from me...

[defocus]

My mom made me have another talk, and I spilled out to her a lot of things I've been keeping in, but I still feel like we haven't really gotten anywhere. I'm still annoyed and she still thinks I don't know what I'm doing. And I suddenly realize that some of the things I do desperately need to change soon or the worst will turn from a healthy paranoia to a possibility. All the priviledges I have now were things no one in my immediate family has ever had, and I'm taking it all for granted and seeing anything contrary as attacks against my personal choices that I always thought were mine alone to make, a right I've earned for not being a complete pain in the ass to them.

How can your life truely be yours when every descision you make effects everyone you know.

My parents have yelled at me, accused me of being things I may or may not have been, hated the things I wore, disapproved of the things I did, looked at me in anger and frustration, but never have they looked at me in shame and disappointment. And if a day comes where I disappoint them...

well.

Let's just say that's not a situation to consider.

With a genius for a brother and a self-sufficient sister whose also a mother of two, how can you ever feel safe trusting your descisions.

How can you think you have a right to feel angry when your own mother is crying right in front of you.

Take my advice and just don't make any sudden movements.
Maybe I'll get out of this alive.