thoughts on a passion
Well, I passed my third block of nursing school! On to the last block and the NCLEX!
I have some thought on the happenings of this semester. Bear with me.
I have always wanted to be an ICU nurse. I also put lots of pressure on myself to be the best that I can be. I have always been hyper competitive. But with a small child, husband and just passing doing it for me, being mediocre has had to win for a while.
So when we got our choices to do our preceptorship (this is where we have 8 shifts toward the end of school, and hopefully we will get a job afterwards) I obviously put a lot of ICU's, Burn ICU's and the like.
My teacher calmly and smoothly said to me that I was not available to go to these places, that I needed to go to a med surg floor instead.
I was heartbroken. I *know* mentally and physcially that I can do ICU level work. It's just frustrating that others don't see that. So next semester I am going to work my ASS off trying to prove to this one teacher something that everyone else in the program sees. I suspect she said this because at the beginning of the semester we had a math quiz that we needed to pass. I didn't, and I had to take it 3 more times. I think this teacher thinks I am bad at math, and therefore doesn't want me in an ICU environment.
I could argue that a tense math quiz is a very different environment from a code, which I've been in, which I've rocked, because I've leared to keep my head in code situations. Apparantly the fact that I haven't in testing situations makes me a bad nurse.
I digress. I think that eventually I will get to where I want to be, the Trauma ICU. I just think it might take me a while to get there.
And I am learning, for the first time in my life, to be okay with that.
I have some thought on the happenings of this semester. Bear with me.
I have always wanted to be an ICU nurse. I also put lots of pressure on myself to be the best that I can be. I have always been hyper competitive. But with a small child, husband and just passing doing it for me, being mediocre has had to win for a while.
So when we got our choices to do our preceptorship (this is where we have 8 shifts toward the end of school, and hopefully we will get a job afterwards) I obviously put a lot of ICU's, Burn ICU's and the like.
My teacher calmly and smoothly said to me that I was not available to go to these places, that I needed to go to a med surg floor instead.
I was heartbroken. I *know* mentally and physcially that I can do ICU level work. It's just frustrating that others don't see that. So next semester I am going to work my ASS off trying to prove to this one teacher something that everyone else in the program sees. I suspect she said this because at the beginning of the semester we had a math quiz that we needed to pass. I didn't, and I had to take it 3 more times. I think this teacher thinks I am bad at math, and therefore doesn't want me in an ICU environment.
I could argue that a tense math quiz is a very different environment from a code, which I've been in, which I've rocked, because I've leared to keep my head in code situations. Apparantly the fact that I haven't in testing situations makes me a bad nurse.
I digress. I think that eventually I will get to where I want to be, the Trauma ICU. I just think it might take me a while to get there.
And I am learning, for the first time in my life, to be okay with that.