when it rains, it poors....
-well, within this last month, my lfie has done a complete 180...
Today, I was "let go" at work, b/c sam ash at my location hasnt been making enough money, so they have cut out like half the stores original crew, and myself and Josh got the notice today, and which later became my last day...nice of them to let me work all day, and then let me go....So, now i have no job.
I still have NOT GOTTEN my fucking car, and no one has given me any hope of that happening soon. Im told it will be this week, but thats been the story this whole month thus far...and , still, no car.
Monday, I lost my girl, through an e-mail....granted. she never really was "my" girl...we never were together really, but the conection was definetly there, and we sure as hell acted like we were....thats what makes it hard......then when i try to talk to her about it , its as if i didnt mean anything at all to begin with, let alone now...I'm just not worth a second glance to anyone these days. I really miss Katie already...Tonight, they are practicing, and i should be there, in fact, ive been to everyone thus far, but not tonight..which means , i wont be going along for the bloomington 4 hour roundtrip to take her back to her place...which means i wont be able to fall asleep with her by my side...being dumped before really having a chance, and then being fired the next day...yeah, it be a lil hard for me to see her tonight, even though i reallly really need someone to hold onto me tonight. Granted, i doubt shed even do that now....Its like we never connected now, when in reality, we were around each other and held each other all the time....i dont get it, just hurts...not really because of "her" per say, but b/c its just one more time that this has happened to me...i finally let someone in again, after swearing i wouldnt and look....im hurting again..shit, im feeling again, i guess i should be thankful for that, but id rather be numb than hurting...and same goes for the fact that if i must be lonely, id rather be alone....
I havent talked to my friend Nick in over a month and a half now, and its really bothering me that he hasnt even made an attempt to fix things and give me a ring...last time we talked, everything was cool like usual, but then he was just acting like a dick for no reason ...havent heard from him since.
ive met alot of cool people and thought we were becoming cool friends, and now im very confused as to who is really my friend now. People say one thing, do another....likely story, just a bit redundant for me though.
i just had the thought of moving back to LA again, and i have options, but when i was out there, i was so empty...happy but it wasnt a fullfilling feeling...hard to explain....id stay busy, and the scenery kept me so occupied that i couldnt stop to think....that being said, i was happy.....but, i tried so hard to date, or even just be around women, and i just didnt have what it took....I felt so worthless, and unattractive, it was the worst feeling i had ever had about myself....since then, ive had reall low self esteem and im soooo damn insecure these days...i am easily hurt by the dumbest things. I dont know....I just dont feel like im worth anything...my friends abandon me all the time, my employers take advantage of me, dont take me seriously, i get fired and i busted my ass at work more than anyone.....my mom and step dad, have still not talked to me about my experiences while in LA, havent said they are proud in any form about school, doing great, graduating with straight A;s. list goes on....
my friend is in the hospital ...the guy who got hit by a truck in a post i made earlier this month.....i havent visited nj in years, and even if i do, everything, and everyone is different now....its not the place i left at all..
i have until may 31st, then i have to move out of where i am now, which means, i have to find a roommate in indy , but everyone i know has an animal , and im severely allergic to dander....so then i could move to la, but then theres a whole new problem...blah..fuck, man, i cant win.
im supposed to hang out with my ex g/f which is joshs sister, on friday... (i live at her dads house) so yeah thats weird....and im confused...
wtf
Today, I was "let go" at work, b/c sam ash at my location hasnt been making enough money, so they have cut out like half the stores original crew, and myself and Josh got the notice today, and which later became my last day...nice of them to let me work all day, and then let me go....So, now i have no job.
I still have NOT GOTTEN my fucking car, and no one has given me any hope of that happening soon. Im told it will be this week, but thats been the story this whole month thus far...and , still, no car.
Monday, I lost my girl, through an e-mail....granted. she never really was "my" girl...we never were together really, but the conection was definetly there, and we sure as hell acted like we were....thats what makes it hard......then when i try to talk to her about it , its as if i didnt mean anything at all to begin with, let alone now...I'm just not worth a second glance to anyone these days. I really miss Katie already...Tonight, they are practicing, and i should be there, in fact, ive been to everyone thus far, but not tonight..which means , i wont be going along for the bloomington 4 hour roundtrip to take her back to her place...which means i wont be able to fall asleep with her by my side...being dumped before really having a chance, and then being fired the next day...yeah, it be a lil hard for me to see her tonight, even though i reallly really need someone to hold onto me tonight. Granted, i doubt shed even do that now....Its like we never connected now, when in reality, we were around each other and held each other all the time....i dont get it, just hurts...not really because of "her" per say, but b/c its just one more time that this has happened to me...i finally let someone in again, after swearing i wouldnt and look....im hurting again..shit, im feeling again, i guess i should be thankful for that, but id rather be numb than hurting...and same goes for the fact that if i must be lonely, id rather be alone....
I havent talked to my friend Nick in over a month and a half now, and its really bothering me that he hasnt even made an attempt to fix things and give me a ring...last time we talked, everything was cool like usual, but then he was just acting like a dick for no reason ...havent heard from him since.
ive met alot of cool people and thought we were becoming cool friends, and now im very confused as to who is really my friend now. People say one thing, do another....likely story, just a bit redundant for me though.
i just had the thought of moving back to LA again, and i have options, but when i was out there, i was so empty...happy but it wasnt a fullfilling feeling...hard to explain....id stay busy, and the scenery kept me so occupied that i couldnt stop to think....that being said, i was happy.....but, i tried so hard to date, or even just be around women, and i just didnt have what it took....I felt so worthless, and unattractive, it was the worst feeling i had ever had about myself....since then, ive had reall low self esteem and im soooo damn insecure these days...i am easily hurt by the dumbest things. I dont know....I just dont feel like im worth anything...my friends abandon me all the time, my employers take advantage of me, dont take me seriously, i get fired and i busted my ass at work more than anyone.....my mom and step dad, have still not talked to me about my experiences while in LA, havent said they are proud in any form about school, doing great, graduating with straight A;s. list goes on....
my friend is in the hospital ...the guy who got hit by a truck in a post i made earlier this month.....i havent visited nj in years, and even if i do, everything, and everyone is different now....its not the place i left at all..
i have until may 31st, then i have to move out of where i am now, which means, i have to find a roommate in indy , but everyone i know has an animal , and im severely allergic to dander....so then i could move to la, but then theres a whole new problem...blah..fuck, man, i cant win.
im supposed to hang out with my ex g/f which is joshs sister, on friday... (i live at her dads house) so yeah thats weird....and im confused...
wtf