(no subject)
i guess i figured out why i prefer being cold rather than hot. while both are uncomfortable... hot is far worse. when you're hot, you become restless and irritable and unsettled. you feel like your insides are pushing outward, you feel like your existence is unbearably expansive along with the heat. your body is out there, exposed, awkward; no matter how many layers you remove, you are still too much for the heat. when you're hot, there is always more of you that needs air, that needs freedom, that needs to push outward.
when you're cold, you implode. your whole being caves in upon itself in an attempt to produce some form of heat. everything compresses, shrinks, sinks... something that is cold will hide inside itself as much as it is able so that the resulting conjoinment can be a small flame of self-sustaining heat. something that is cold will be still and slow-moving and will hibernate.
i guess it goes back to marya's comparison of "i need you/i do not need you", the fire and ice analogy, the passion vs. passionless identity. i guess it says a lot of who i am.
when you're cold, you implode. your whole being caves in upon itself in an attempt to produce some form of heat. everything compresses, shrinks, sinks... something that is cold will hide inside itself as much as it is able so that the resulting conjoinment can be a small flame of self-sustaining heat. something that is cold will be still and slow-moving and will hibernate.
i guess it goes back to marya's comparison of "i need you/i do not need you", the fire and ice analogy, the passion vs. passionless identity. i guess it says a lot of who i am.