(no subject)
Oh the perks of a wireless connection. In the library. Free. But wait, restricted access almost on every site. In short, it's as good as none.
A lot of things have been going through my mind during the last few months. Family relations. I guess all my sacrifices ever since I can remember did not amount to anything constructive. I finished mandatory education without giving any problems to my parents. Academically speaking, I was average. On other things, I was okay. During grade school, I was a dead kid. Routine was home-school-home. During high school, I advanced to the semi-dead kid level. There was life beyond home-school-home: home-school-extra curricular activities AT school-home. On Saturdays, add the parish church. Oh yes, I had the most boring life ever. I did not like going out. Or rather, I was too scared did not like to ask permission to go out even just to the mall. I never had any guy friends. Well, except for a few back in grade school (summer workshops, remember Jay?). I had crushes, thank God but I've always kept things that way. You get the picture? I was the good daughter that any parent would kill for.
During college, things changed a bit. I got to go out more often (try once a month), concerts, gigs, etc. I finally was confident to ask permission to go out with friends to watch a movie and the like. Curfew was at 12 midnight.
My high school life was like the typical grade school life; college life was more like high school life. That is why I cannot, for the love of God, relate to those people who say they're excited to go to college so that they can live independently. Boo! I blame the close family ties inculcated by our ancestors during the pre-conquest era.
And now, I'm regretting that I did not do stupid things back when I was younger. I regret why I did not commit any mistake back then. I regret that I've been that good. It seems as if I have to be perfect now. It is indeed difficult to please everyone. *cue Keane's Everybody's Changing*
If there are people who are regretting why they did stupid things when they were younger, I am a living contradiction.
Father says he wants me to be happy. Mother says they're being protective for my sake cos they don't want anything bad to happen which I might regret in the future. My contention: I'm the one who can choose what can make me happy. Their being strict and so nosy are already getting to my nerves and are driving me crazy. I've already dealt with that for the first quarter of my life so the least that they can do is let me decide for my own now. I admit, I am not wise and I may be vulnerable but hey, that's reality and that's part of being human. All my life I've listened to their advices and I still keep them in mind. This thought has been bothering me: they will be the cause of my future having been destroyed.
Their definition of happiness is not about being happy at all but being perfect. Duh. I do not know whether they are insecure parents (otherwise, they know that their efforts of rearing me are effective) or if they just simply losing their minds. C'mon, everyone has fears! But the moment you succumb and let that fear control you, that is the end of you.
Here's an illustration: I want to ride a boat. It has been the moment I've been waiting for my entire life. But parents forbid me to. Therefore, now, where is the happiness they want me to feel? Subsequently, mother assents for me to ride the boat. But due to hearsay that the boat is rocking (uh, hello boat in the water, water flows?), without even knowing where the boat is or how safe it is, she pulls me back and tells me to stop this crazy fantasy of riding a boat. She further adds, "There are more opportunities to come for you to be able to ride a boat but not today."
Wow. Ano yun, consolation? Greaaaat.
And to that, I reply, I can foresee my future already destroyed, all thanks to your so-called protection.
I need more time to philosophize on this crap but I am convinced that if this continues, the more chances of me having a dark future. Pfffft.
A lot of things have been going through my mind during the last few months. Family relations. I guess all my sacrifices ever since I can remember did not amount to anything constructive. I finished mandatory education without giving any problems to my parents. Academically speaking, I was average. On other things, I was okay. During grade school, I was a dead kid. Routine was home-school-home. During high school, I advanced to the semi-dead kid level. There was life beyond home-school-home: home-school-extra curricular activities AT school-home. On Saturdays, add the parish church. Oh yes, I had the most boring life ever. I did not like going out. Or rather, I was too scared did not like to ask permission to go out even just to the mall. I never had any guy friends. Well, except for a few back in grade school (summer workshops, remember Jay?). I had crushes, thank God but I've always kept things that way. You get the picture? I was the good daughter that any parent would kill for.
During college, things changed a bit. I got to go out more often (try once a month), concerts, gigs, etc. I finally was confident to ask permission to go out with friends to watch a movie and the like. Curfew was at 12 midnight.
My high school life was like the typical grade school life; college life was more like high school life. That is why I cannot, for the love of God, relate to those people who say they're excited to go to college so that they can live independently. Boo! I blame the close family ties inculcated by our ancestors during the pre-conquest era.
And now, I'm regretting that I did not do stupid things back when I was younger. I regret why I did not commit any mistake back then. I regret that I've been that good. It seems as if I have to be perfect now. It is indeed difficult to please everyone. *cue Keane's Everybody's Changing*
If there are people who are regretting why they did stupid things when they were younger, I am a living contradiction.
Father says he wants me to be happy. Mother says they're being protective for my sake cos they don't want anything bad to happen which I might regret in the future. My contention: I'm the one who can choose what can make me happy. Their being strict and so nosy are already getting to my nerves and are driving me crazy. I've already dealt with that for the first quarter of my life so the least that they can do is let me decide for my own now. I admit, I am not wise and I may be vulnerable but hey, that's reality and that's part of being human. All my life I've listened to their advices and I still keep them in mind. This thought has been bothering me: they will be the cause of my future having been destroyed.
Their definition of happiness is not about being happy at all but being perfect. Duh. I do not know whether they are insecure parents (otherwise, they know that their efforts of rearing me are effective) or if they just simply losing their minds. C'mon, everyone has fears! But the moment you succumb and let that fear control you, that is the end of you.
Here's an illustration: I want to ride a boat. It has been the moment I've been waiting for my entire life. But parents forbid me to. Therefore, now, where is the happiness they want me to feel? Subsequently, mother assents for me to ride the boat. But due to hearsay that the boat is rocking (uh, hello boat in the water, water flows?), without even knowing where the boat is or how safe it is, she pulls me back and tells me to stop this crazy fantasy of riding a boat. She further adds, "There are more opportunities to come for you to be able to ride a boat but not today."
Wow. Ano yun, consolation? Greaaaat.
And to that, I reply, I can foresee my future already destroyed, all thanks to your so-called protection.
I need more time to philosophize on this crap but I am convinced that if this continues, the more chances of me having a dark future. Pfffft.