Scared

[definetlylulu]

There are just a few classes I have left at Dade.. During this time I'm putting together a video to submit to Emerson. I can't stop thinking about this. It is truly consuming me. I want to leave everything behind. Unrequited love, shitty business decisions, my family, this torn up house, the weight i gained, my beat up car, and most of all.. the weight i carry on my shoulders... maybe it will drop off once i leave. maybe.. I'm scared that I would feel so alone that I'd fall in to depression, and lord knows i struggle with that on a daily basis. I'll probably get a therapist when I'm there to keep me from falling off. I will think of a strategy to combat my depression. I cannot imagine going through that in a completely new city with no one to hang out with or talk to, because I'm sure that once I leave everyone I thought I was close to will disappear. poof... like I never existed... and I am left to endure this crazy experience and have no one but, myself to lean on.

I think about how my job would handle it and to be completely honest......... I really don't care. and I wouldn't utter a single word until I was accepted and my plans were finalized. I'm not very good at lying but, I am very good at pretending I am in different scenarios. In this case, staying at Nike forever. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate everything I've been learning there but, meh, as far as we know this is the only life we have... and I want to live it the best I can and comfort is no excuse for not going for what I want.