17.5____________Miscellany
"Just be yourself. Eat that twinkie. Enjoy that cake, buy that extra pound of gourment cream cheese you always wanted!!! and if people look at you funny because you're too fat or too skinny, TELL EM TO FUCK OFF AND DIE. you do not need to adhere to the idealistic vision of beauty marketed by fashion magazines and negatively re-inforced by a society dumb enough to believe that beauty only appears on the cover of a magazine."
Hmmm.
Anyone else horrified by the idea of twinkies or a pound of cheese?
Of course, I'd love to have that kind of integrity and sense of freedom to be myself but that kind of advice seems totally meaningless. Because I have no identity at all. I dont know how to be myself. This seems to be a common problem for anorectics. I only seem to exist in other people's perceptions of me, and that's hard fucking work.
Oh and my goal is no longer 98lbs, it's 96. Because that gives me a neat BMI of 16.0 and is in the 6 stone range, rather than being exacty 7 stone, which sounds so precarious.
It's funny, I've finally got back down to an anorexic BMI (just) and the whole time I was patient and resigned to waiting for it, lugging my huge normal-weight body around. Now I'm suddenly, painfully impatient to get thin.
I got told I look ill today. Awesome.