(no subject)
It's been quite a pleasant evening, the latter part anyway. I had an itch to go outside and maybe go swimming and relax. I tried to get Christopher to go, but after a 7 hour WoW streak and me giving his hands a massage and a dip in the paraffin spa, he was too tired. I walked outside anyway and was immediately hit with a refreshing burst of warm air. It was rather soothing after being in the overly air-conditioned house all day. There was a very inviting fragrance wafting in the breeze. It was an almost magical essence. I continued walking down by the pool and looked up through the trees to see a newly waning moon in a hazy yellow hue. When I got to the shallow end of the pool, I sat down and dipped my feet in the water which was surprisingly warm. There was a slight fog gliding through the air that gently glowed from the dim streetlight on the other side of the fence. My mind relaxed and my troubles just floated away.
After a few moments of complete nothingness, my mind began to slowly fill itself with random thoughts and memories. I had an almost deja vu like feeling. Almost like I had experienced this same evening before. I tossed this notion aside rather quickly as deja vu tends to be rather common with me. I began to think about Chris. It was more of a reminiscing of sorts, thinking back on all of our misadventures and what not.... of all the good times. I was reminded of something that had happened earlier in the night. As he was playing on the computer I lit a candle to freshen up the air in the room. After a few minutes of burning, he looked up and told me that the candle had a nice scent, he said it reminded him of some incense he had bought when he was with a girl from his past. I could tell as soon as he said that, his mind began to regress back to the pain she had caused. I could see hurt in his eyes. All I could do was to say to him that I knew they had shared a lot of love for one another and even though those feelings are gone, he should be grateful for being able to experience them in the first place.
Out by the pool I continued to look back on our relationship and how it has progressed even without the romance we once shared together. I felt very lucky to have him. Not as a boyfriend or a husband, but as a best friend and my soul-mate. I was reminded of the way I felt when we first met. I remembered being in my room getting ready as my friend and I were expecting company. She had invited Christopher over to meet him for the first time after having talked on the internet. I had not previously spoken to him but as he walked into my room we immediately locked eyes .... it was like I already knew him. I remember my heart jumping and in that moment I felt something I don't ever recall feeling before. It was a strange mix of emotions, one I don't think words could explain. The only description that would come close would be a feeling of deep contentment. That same feeling of contentment washed over me as I relished in the wonders of our times together. It was then that I came to a sudden realization. It was 3 years to the day from that time I had first met Christopher. Those feelings of deja vu weren't deja vu at all. It had been a night just like this one that we first consummated our love for one another. Part of me began to wish to have back that same freshness with him, but I knew that was not right.
I guess what I'm really trying to convey is this... Chris, if you are reading this, I wish you the best in wherever life takes you ... even if it's away from me. It has been quite a roller-coaster over the past three years, but I would not trade those times for anything. You are my best friend and I love you dearly. Happy Anniversary... in whatever form it may be.
After a few moments of complete nothingness, my mind began to slowly fill itself with random thoughts and memories. I had an almost deja vu like feeling. Almost like I had experienced this same evening before. I tossed this notion aside rather quickly as deja vu tends to be rather common with me. I began to think about Chris. It was more of a reminiscing of sorts, thinking back on all of our misadventures and what not.... of all the good times. I was reminded of something that had happened earlier in the night. As he was playing on the computer I lit a candle to freshen up the air in the room. After a few minutes of burning, he looked up and told me that the candle had a nice scent, he said it reminded him of some incense he had bought when he was with a girl from his past. I could tell as soon as he said that, his mind began to regress back to the pain she had caused. I could see hurt in his eyes. All I could do was to say to him that I knew they had shared a lot of love for one another and even though those feelings are gone, he should be grateful for being able to experience them in the first place.
Out by the pool I continued to look back on our relationship and how it has progressed even without the romance we once shared together. I felt very lucky to have him. Not as a boyfriend or a husband, but as a best friend and my soul-mate. I was reminded of the way I felt when we first met. I remembered being in my room getting ready as my friend and I were expecting company. She had invited Christopher over to meet him for the first time after having talked on the internet. I had not previously spoken to him but as he walked into my room we immediately locked eyes .... it was like I already knew him. I remember my heart jumping and in that moment I felt something I don't ever recall feeling before. It was a strange mix of emotions, one I don't think words could explain. The only description that would come close would be a feeling of deep contentment. That same feeling of contentment washed over me as I relished in the wonders of our times together. It was then that I came to a sudden realization. It was 3 years to the day from that time I had first met Christopher. Those feelings of deja vu weren't deja vu at all. It had been a night just like this one that we first consummated our love for one another. Part of me began to wish to have back that same freshness with him, but I knew that was not right.
I guess what I'm really trying to convey is this... Chris, if you are reading this, I wish you the best in wherever life takes you ... even if it's away from me. It has been quite a roller-coaster over the past three years, but I would not trade those times for anything. You are my best friend and I love you dearly. Happy Anniversary... in whatever form it may be.