I Do Not Know My Own Thoughts...
If I could write all of my emotions down on a piece of paper I would, so I could palliate these inimical thoughts. But I do not think any words that consist in the English language would adequately describe the series of precarious emotions that are starting to regulate my day-to-day life.
None of you probably have no idea what I am talking about. This matter concerns a girl that I have been dating for almost six months in a long distance relationship. And while I love her with all my heart and I am sure she is the one for me, being separated on a consistent basis is getting quite exasperating on my emotional stability.
We usually see each other Two days a week, sometimes every other week. But when we do see each other, it is usually Saturday and Sunday and I leave Monday morning since I have school bright and early. But as of late, it has become more difficult to leave her each time. I feel a mixture of feelings, ranging from anger all the way to depression and jealousy. And although both my girl and just about everyone else I know tells me it is what came with the relationship and that I chose to have this, I still cannot accept this. I feel as though this entire situation is uncontrollable and that any attempts to try and change the situation are rendered impotent by a variable, which wasn’t accounted for until the last minute.
She handles our separation a little better than I do. As a matter of fact, with her, the glass is always half full. With me, my glass is always half empty. When I say this, what I really mean is that when I leave, she always looks forward to the next time I am coming back. When come and go, I view it like a prison sentence, where you are allotted only a certain amount of time to talk with your loved one before you thrown back into your prison cell.
But when you hope for something so bad that you can feel it pound at your chest like the beat of a drum, you feel the need to hunt for the pleasure the beat of that drum is calling you for. But when that beat is silenced and that hope is extinguished, there is nothing else to look forward to except the hopes you put aside so you can accomplish your one true hope.
But I still love her with all my heart and will forever. But I also hate the emotional pain that comes with being separated from her. This is the most stagnate point in my life and I feel so powerless and indecisive on what to do. I just feel like a lightning bolt in the dead of night and how that bolt of light is trapped between to dark entities.
None of you probably have no idea what I am talking about. This matter concerns a girl that I have been dating for almost six months in a long distance relationship. And while I love her with all my heart and I am sure she is the one for me, being separated on a consistent basis is getting quite exasperating on my emotional stability.
We usually see each other Two days a week, sometimes every other week. But when we do see each other, it is usually Saturday and Sunday and I leave Monday morning since I have school bright and early. But as of late, it has become more difficult to leave her each time. I feel a mixture of feelings, ranging from anger all the way to depression and jealousy. And although both my girl and just about everyone else I know tells me it is what came with the relationship and that I chose to have this, I still cannot accept this. I feel as though this entire situation is uncontrollable and that any attempts to try and change the situation are rendered impotent by a variable, which wasn’t accounted for until the last minute.
She handles our separation a little better than I do. As a matter of fact, with her, the glass is always half full. With me, my glass is always half empty. When I say this, what I really mean is that when I leave, she always looks forward to the next time I am coming back. When come and go, I view it like a prison sentence, where you are allotted only a certain amount of time to talk with your loved one before you thrown back into your prison cell.
But when you hope for something so bad that you can feel it pound at your chest like the beat of a drum, you feel the need to hunt for the pleasure the beat of that drum is calling you for. But when that beat is silenced and that hope is extinguished, there is nothing else to look forward to except the hopes you put aside so you can accomplish your one true hope.
But I still love her with all my heart and will forever. But I also hate the emotional pain that comes with being separated from her. This is the most stagnate point in my life and I feel so powerless and indecisive on what to do. I just feel like a lightning bolt in the dead of night and how that bolt of light is trapped between to dark entities.