Zombies & Comatics

May 30, 2007 17:13

Every time the word "zombie" is brought up, invariably it is coupled with a synonym term "the living dead". What is "the living dead"? It's a dead person whose body has the semblance of life. And as a result, becomes the horrific monster of oh so many movies.

Why does it's opposite number never get the same attention? What is the opposite of "the living dead"? That would be "the dead living". An alive person whose body has the semblance of death. Or to put it another way... a person in a coma. A "Comatic". The opposite of a "Zombie".

Unfortunately, comatics aren't used as monsters in Hollywood... they're used as devices of sympathy in dramas. And I think that's unfortunate. Because comatics should be just as scary as zombies. You know why? A zombie is a living dead person who tries to turn all living persons into dead persons. I think that when someone is in a coma, their souls should go to Heaven and try to turn all the dead persons there into living persons by getting them reincarnated.

Just imagine if you are in paradise... Heaven... and one of the dead living shows up and tries to bring you back to life and return you to Earth. It'd scare the fucking shit out of you. I know that if I was in Heaven... drinking strawberry daquiris and playing croquet in 78 degree weather with a bevy of naked women serving me peeled grapes... and a comatic showed up to bring me back to this shitball dirtpile to work in a cubical 40 hours a week again... I'd freak out.

It's a shame that people who wake up from comas don't ever mention going to Heaven to terrorize the good people of this world who have passed on to the other side. Because I bet they have some really cool stories to tell.
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