"Do you still love him?" - Me
I just got off the phone with Alicia and I couldn't sleep...
Ever feel like, you're not good enough? Like, you will never be the best for someone, no matter how hard you try? Yeah I'm feeling like this... She and I had a fairly good conversation tonight about our first loves and crushes and stuff. I knew what was going to come out.. she brought up her ex boyfriend, Lee. Some people should know how I am about hearing about "first loves" and such. I feel awkward, different, like I'm not good enough for that person. Alicia told me the whole relationship with Lee and I was fine with it, then I asked her two questions that were very important to me... I had to know. "Do you still love Lee?" and "Do you still keep his letters?" ...She answered both questions. She still keeps his letters, and from time to time, she stops and thinks about him or how he is and what he's doing or who he's with. She gazes at her walls and reads "I love Lee" on them. I wouldn't be suprised if she read over his letters... -sighs- She says she doesn't know if she is still in love with him; due to the fact that they haven't talked in about five months since their break-up. She hasn't had the time to set out and take the time to sort out her feelings with Lee. She brings him up a lot in our relationship, and it makes me feel awkward. But knowing me, I'm nice and I'll let her talk about him, I don't have the heart to tell her to stop talking about him. She told me that he was her first love and that she doesn't think she'll ever love anyone like she ever loved Lee.. and hearing that tore me apart.. I'm crying right now.. because all I've tried to do is help her heal from him and forget about the past and move onto the future and make it better. As I said, I feel like I am not good enough, nor ever will be better than Lee. He got to be there with her in reality, while I sit here and use pick-up lines and poems to keep her. He had the chance to kiss her, while I sit here and type "-kisses-". He got to tell her I love her and see her eyes light up with joy, when all I can do is say "I love you" and "muah"... I don't know what to do right now, I'm in the process of just giving up on trying to make her happy and let the relationship go where it goes. She tells me she loves me and that she would do anything for me, and I just don't know. I'm over-joyed with the fact that I have found my soul-mate, but at the same time, I am in pain because she is still in love with Lee. She told me one time that everytime she talks to me, her love for Lee fades away.. slowly. I don't know if I'm the only one that this has happend to but I am just crushed right now. I need some time to think about a lot of things and about my feelings and other things... as of right now, I feel worthless, not good enough, or the fact that I never will be the ... "perfect man". I think I am going to go.. in the mean time..I think she still loves him and saying that, is the worse pain in the world, as they say:
"The Worse Thing In The World, Is Watching The One You Love; Love Someone Else
-Matthew Charles Smith-
Ever feel like, you're not good enough? Like, you will never be the best for someone, no matter how hard you try? Yeah I'm feeling like this... She and I had a fairly good conversation tonight about our first loves and crushes and stuff. I knew what was going to come out.. she brought up her ex boyfriend, Lee. Some people should know how I am about hearing about "first loves" and such. I feel awkward, different, like I'm not good enough for that person. Alicia told me the whole relationship with Lee and I was fine with it, then I asked her two questions that were very important to me... I had to know. "Do you still love Lee?" and "Do you still keep his letters?" ...She answered both questions. She still keeps his letters, and from time to time, she stops and thinks about him or how he is and what he's doing or who he's with. She gazes at her walls and reads "I love Lee" on them. I wouldn't be suprised if she read over his letters... -sighs- She says she doesn't know if she is still in love with him; due to the fact that they haven't talked in about five months since their break-up. She hasn't had the time to set out and take the time to sort out her feelings with Lee. She brings him up a lot in our relationship, and it makes me feel awkward. But knowing me, I'm nice and I'll let her talk about him, I don't have the heart to tell her to stop talking about him. She told me that he was her first love and that she doesn't think she'll ever love anyone like she ever loved Lee.. and hearing that tore me apart.. I'm crying right now.. because all I've tried to do is help her heal from him and forget about the past and move onto the future and make it better. As I said, I feel like I am not good enough, nor ever will be better than Lee. He got to be there with her in reality, while I sit here and use pick-up lines and poems to keep her. He had the chance to kiss her, while I sit here and type "-kisses-". He got to tell her I love her and see her eyes light up with joy, when all I can do is say "I love you" and "muah"... I don't know what to do right now, I'm in the process of just giving up on trying to make her happy and let the relationship go where it goes. She tells me she loves me and that she would do anything for me, and I just don't know. I'm over-joyed with the fact that I have found my soul-mate, but at the same time, I am in pain because she is still in love with Lee. She told me one time that everytime she talks to me, her love for Lee fades away.. slowly. I don't know if I'm the only one that this has happend to but I am just crushed right now. I need some time to think about a lot of things and about my feelings and other things... as of right now, I feel worthless, not good enough, or the fact that I never will be the ... "perfect man". I think I am going to go.. in the mean time..I think she still loves him and saying that, is the worse pain in the world, as they say:
"The Worse Thing In The World, Is Watching The One You Love; Love Someone Else
-Matthew Charles Smith-