(no subject)
Why is it that no matter how many times a situation runs through your mind, when you feel like you are ready to confront it and the situation actually happens you can't express what you want? I can't really count the times that I have thought about and dreamed about one certain encounter. Seriously, I have taken every measure possible to make this one experience the best and most seemingly flawless action of my life but no matter how many times I act out what I am going to say, when confronted or given the opportunity, I freeze up like ice shot into space. Maybe it's just because the encounter involves a real person and not something that I can personally deface, delete, or destroy. I suppose I have always been one of those people that require the other person to be able to look me in the eyes and actually want and try to understand what it is that I feel. Needless to say, my verbal skills when it comes to something like this are lacking. I swear, for one day that I just wish everyone that I care for, to what ever degree possible, could just see how I feel first-hand through my eyes/body. Everything I have ever wanted to tell "you" is in my head, on my tounge, and in my mouth, but the words just never make it out. I can't find the right words to tell "you" when I have the chance. At the end of all of this, after the same thing I have written makes it through my head for the umptenth time, I can't help but just think that there is something missing that will link my abilities with my ideas and actions. The next time I see "you" or any of "you" just look me in the eyes for a moment and forgive the confused and lacklustered look on my face; I can't find the words.