Responding to the Bible
I'm bored. Therefore, christians suck and there is no God. So there. Have at you.
In today's modern world, where everything is science and new age shit (another rant right there), the Bible still has massive influence over the masses, with about 2 Billion Christians. That number is a great deal less if you disclude catholics. The Bible is advertised as being a moral guide, a scientific guide, and a guide to keeping the family together. It also has some stuff about how to get into heaven. Of course, someone should sue those advertising it, because that is fucking false.
The Bible is not a moral guide in any sense. While true that Jesus did say "Love your neighbor as you love yourself", and "Honour thy father", he also said that a guy has legal standing for divorce if his wife cheats, but his wife has none if her husband does. Jesus also says "I have not come to destroy the law of the prophets", which mean any Christian that says "It doesn't count, it's in the Old Testament" is a liar and intellectually dishonest also. Jesus even said the reason he spoke in parables was to confuse people to send some to hell. How moral can this guy get? Damn, he's a paragon of virtue. Let's see if we can dig up any other "good" deeds he's been up to. He states that he will toss anyone into an eternal fire. Wow. This guy's nice. "Love me, or burn!". Also, Jesus believed in a global flood, which is not scientific at all.
The Bible has a fuckload of stupid things in it. For example, God creates plants before he makes the sun! That's clever. Obviously, either God, or whoever was making up this load of horse shit, didn't know plants need light to live. God decided that the world was too evil so he drowned everyone. Wow. How did he do that? He magically created water out of nowhere, which then disappeared. He also only created the world 6000 years ago. Wow, that would mean all the history in the dirt would have to have been done in the last six thousand years. It should still be cooling. They can't even get their fucking history right. In battles between little tribes (10,000 people tops. Otherwise, they wouldn't be nomads), the claim that 1.5 million men go to battle! This is completely and utterly absurd.
But at least the Bible tells you how to handle the family, right? Well, in Luke 14:26, he states specifically to be his diciple, someone has to hate their family. Jesus states that he will reward men who abandon their families and wives. Uh huh. I'm pretty damn sure that their wives and families don't think they should get a reward. Maybe a pineapple up the arse could be negotiated? Jesus also says that families will be split apart because of him. He has totalled one prophecy that has come true, and that was it. The Bible also advocates killing children for disobedience, swearing, and violence. It's a little over the top.
To get into heaven, you must do several things (contrary to the popular Christian opinion that you only have to love Jesus):
Firtly, be Jewish. Not the religion, but the race. (Revelations 7:4)
Secondly, be celibate. That's right, no sex, or no heaven. Your choice. (Revelations 14:4)
Thirdly, be male. God's a mysogonist, that's why. He doesn't need to explain anything to you (Revelations 14:4/3, as it is said that they not be defiled with women)
Fourthly, be one of the first 144,000 to be there. That's right, if you're too late, then too bad. You get cast into the "Lake of fire (tm) with fire and brimstone and much gnashing of teeth". Revelations 7:4, and 14:1-4 all have the same number. 144000 of whoever shall go to heaven. That's it. If you don't fulfil these amazing qualities that God has listed, then you can do whatever, because you're going to hell anyway.
Ok. That's my rant. I'm not sure who I'm typing to, but... Meh.
In today's modern world, where everything is science and new age shit (another rant right there), the Bible still has massive influence over the masses, with about 2 Billion Christians. That number is a great deal less if you disclude catholics. The Bible is advertised as being a moral guide, a scientific guide, and a guide to keeping the family together. It also has some stuff about how to get into heaven. Of course, someone should sue those advertising it, because that is fucking false.
The Bible is not a moral guide in any sense. While true that Jesus did say "Love your neighbor as you love yourself", and "Honour thy father", he also said that a guy has legal standing for divorce if his wife cheats, but his wife has none if her husband does. Jesus also says "I have not come to destroy the law of the prophets", which mean any Christian that says "It doesn't count, it's in the Old Testament" is a liar and intellectually dishonest also. Jesus even said the reason he spoke in parables was to confuse people to send some to hell. How moral can this guy get? Damn, he's a paragon of virtue. Let's see if we can dig up any other "good" deeds he's been up to. He states that he will toss anyone into an eternal fire. Wow. This guy's nice. "Love me, or burn!". Also, Jesus believed in a global flood, which is not scientific at all.
The Bible has a fuckload of stupid things in it. For example, God creates plants before he makes the sun! That's clever. Obviously, either God, or whoever was making up this load of horse shit, didn't know plants need light to live. God decided that the world was too evil so he drowned everyone. Wow. How did he do that? He magically created water out of nowhere, which then disappeared. He also only created the world 6000 years ago. Wow, that would mean all the history in the dirt would have to have been done in the last six thousand years. It should still be cooling. They can't even get their fucking history right. In battles between little tribes (10,000 people tops. Otherwise, they wouldn't be nomads), the claim that 1.5 million men go to battle! This is completely and utterly absurd.
But at least the Bible tells you how to handle the family, right? Well, in Luke 14:26, he states specifically to be his diciple, someone has to hate their family. Jesus states that he will reward men who abandon their families and wives. Uh huh. I'm pretty damn sure that their wives and families don't think they should get a reward. Maybe a pineapple up the arse could be negotiated? Jesus also says that families will be split apart because of him. He has totalled one prophecy that has come true, and that was it. The Bible also advocates killing children for disobedience, swearing, and violence. It's a little over the top.
To get into heaven, you must do several things (contrary to the popular Christian opinion that you only have to love Jesus):
Firtly, be Jewish. Not the religion, but the race. (Revelations 7:4)
Secondly, be celibate. That's right, no sex, or no heaven. Your choice. (Revelations 14:4)
Thirdly, be male. God's a mysogonist, that's why. He doesn't need to explain anything to you (Revelations 14:4/3, as it is said that they not be defiled with women)
Fourthly, be one of the first 144,000 to be there. That's right, if you're too late, then too bad. You get cast into the "Lake of fire (tm) with fire and brimstone and much gnashing of teeth". Revelations 7:4, and 14:1-4 all have the same number. 144000 of whoever shall go to heaven. That's it. If you don't fulfil these amazing qualities that God has listed, then you can do whatever, because you're going to hell anyway.
Ok. That's my rant. I'm not sure who I'm typing to, but... Meh.