You Have Stolen (My Heart) [2/2] (for minchievous)
one | part two
Pet dates and client meetings aside, life goes on with as little pomp and fanfare as expected. It's really only Jinyoung that tends to make mountains out of flattened molehills, but he has his reservations sometimes.
He's still putting off thinking about Jaebum's cycles increasing in duration and tension, but he distracts himself with his projects. When he's not trying to cram last-minute work in the small window of time he has before rush hour stops becoming a convenient excuse to an unimpressed flatmate, Jinyoung is equally busy thinking about where to get dinner from and how many dessert items he can cram into Jaebum's stomach before Jaebum catches on. (Two bites from a peanut macaroon and half a churro, apparently, because Jaebum is a wuss that can't handle the sweeter things in life.)
"It's like you're trying to fatten him up before eating him," Youngjae comments with wide eyes when he comes with Jinyoung to a food stall a few blocks away from the train station. Jinyoung's arm is trembling from the combined weight of his laptop and the plastic bag full of sundae and dakkochi, and maybe the food is heavier but Youngjae doesn't need to know that. "It's really scary how much you feed him."
"You've been watching too many TV dramas," says Jinyoung. The bag teeters uncomfortably to the side, but Jinyoung just props it up on his hip and sighs. "I'm just taking care of him, that's all."
"If your idea of pampering him is suffocation, then sure," says Youngjae, warily. "How old is your cat anyway?"
Youngjae is still under the mistaken assumption that Jaebum is a normal housecat and not an actual hybrid that may or may not be taller than Jinyoung by a few inches, give or take. He keeps nagging at Jinyoung to buy Jaebum a sack of cat food instead of letting him consume "human" meals, but Jinyoung wants to keep living so he doesn't pay attention to Youngjae's concerns about Jaebum's dietary restrictions and his road towards pet obesity. Occasionally it's hilarious, but some days it's just exhausting.
"I dunno," Jinyoung says, shrugging. "Probably my age?"
Youngjae laughs. "How can you even tell?"
Jinyoung can't because he honestly doesn't know, not when the official papers don't even feel the need to mention anything about Jaebum beyond his pedigree and an exhaustive list of potential genetic issues to watch out for. He thinks about it long after he and Youngjae part ways at the station - thinks as he checks his mailbox for bills or catalogues, or as he wrestles with his keys, or even as he watches Jaebum push his vegetables aside in favor of attacking the meat on his plate. He doesn't even make a noise of complaint when Jaebum's chopsticks start pilfering pieces of beef from him, and Jaebum exhales loudly from across the table.
"Okay," says Jaebum, "what stupid thing are you thinking of now?"
The question's been hanging over them like an apostrophe, and it's like Jaebum's words are the only things he's been waiting for before he lets his tongue loosen from its contraction. "How old are you?" Jinyoung blurts out. "When is your birthday? Oh god, did we miss it, I'm the worst person ever, I don't even-"
Jaebum cuts him off with a slice of carrot pressing insistently against his bottom lip. "First of all, slow down before you choke on your food," says Jaebum, calmly. "I don't wanna end up having to explain to the authorities about how my human's incompetence got him killed off."
Jinyoung makes a small, unhappy sound, but he obediently opens his mouth. Jaebum considers him with hooded eyes as he nibbles on the piece, and it makes Jinyoung feel like they've switched roles all of a sudden, like he's the one being mothered now.
"I'm actually older than you, so you should be calling me hyung," Jaebum teases. "But I don't think anyone else would take kindly to that."
"You're old enough to work and you're still a lazy ass?" Jinyoung squawks, half-heartedly mocking if only to tamp down the rising internal hysteria. He props up his feet on the edge of his stool and curls in on himself, and it doesn't even surprise him when Jaebum reaches across the table with a hand on his shoulder to keep him steady.
"You work hard enough for both of us, don't even try to deny it," says Jaebum, squeezing once before pulling away. They're quiet for a beat, Jaebum mulling over his words and Jinyoung waiting for him to string his thoughts together. Jaebum doesn't like to waste his words much, preferring confrontation over Jinyoung's meandering method, and it's as much a measure of sincerity as it is a sign of confidence that he's comfortable enough to not feel like Jinyoung will turn him out at the first sign of conflict. "Is this really about potentially missing out on an excuse to celebrate and get drunk, or is this about something else?"
Jaebum's gaze is sharp and piercing, and Jinyoung is as malleable as water with no trace of liquid courage. "I don't even know anything about you," Jinyoung confesses.
Jaebum rolls his eyes, reaching over to hit him with his knuckles. Jinyoung flinches and expects it to come to the top of his head, or maybe his forehead, but Jaebum lets the back of his hand rest against his cheek. Jinyoung opens his eyes slowly and stares at the almost-fond look on Jaebum's face.
"That's stupid," says Jaebum. He doesn't pull his hand away just yet. "We've only known each other for a few months, and it's okay. We have a lot of time to get to know each other better."
Jinyoung wets his lips with his tongue, eager to get the dryness out of his system. It seems to jolt Jaebum back to awareness, because he suddenly yanks his hand back and stuffs it in his pocket.
"Yeah," says Jinyoung. "You're right."
Jaebum considers him again, and his foot finds its way to Jinyoung's ankle under the table. He locks their legs together and huffs.
"You're not a bad owner, you know," says Jaebum. They've come a long way from where they were weeks ago, because Jaebum doesn't even sound like admitting it physically pains him. Jinyoung almost feels touched, except Jaebum, master of ruined moments and inappropriate responses, adds, "Just really stupid sometimes."
Jinyoung kicks at his feet. "Thanks for ruining the moment."
Jaebum sighs, aggrieved, and ignores Jinyoung's alarmed squawk when he pushes at the leg of Jinyoung's chair in response. "Eat your bell peppers, Jinyoung."
It's not always tenderhearted conversations and smooth sailing living with Jaebum. If dealing with dog hybrids like Jackson is like facing a never-ending treadmill loop hoping to god you don't fall flat on your face before it quits and dies, dealing with a cat hybrid is like handling a ticking time bomb while possessing zero background in circuitry and having the misfortune of colorblindness. Some days, Jaebum is a stewing mess of frustration, balking at every tiny thing; other days, he's the least intrusive and most helpful flatmate Jinyoung could hope for.
One step forward, two steps back. It's a dance that Jinyoung still hasn't managed to memorize the choreography of just yet, and today is shaping up to be one of the bad days. Jaebum is a far better dancer than him, and he's uncooperative during his cycles at best, grudgingly repressive at worst.
"Get out."
Jinyoung looks up from toeing off his socks and dumping them on the pile of clothes on the floor. Jaebum is standing by the doorway, shoulders tense and eyebrows furrowed. When he grabs at Jinyoung's arm, he radiates heat and makes Jinyoung shiver. He's been in a strange mood since this morning, speaking in mostly one-word sentences or grunts of disapproval and disdain. Jinyoung wonders if it's that time of the month, but at the sight of fresh bedsheets and the cool air from the AC, he decides he really doesn't care.
"Nag at me when I've slept for more than two hours," is all Jinyoung has to say before plopping down on the foot of his bed and closing his eyes, ignoring Jaebum's spluttering protests. The lull of the air-conditioning and the comforting coolness of the blankets drown out Jaebum's pointed warnings, and Jinyoung forgets the crease on Jaebum's brow and the tight set of his jaw in the murky space between waking and dreaming.
In retrospect, he should really listen to Jaebum more. He wakes up with his comforter bunched up to his chest and Jaebum spooning him from behind, heat suffocating him on both sides. Jaebum keeps making snuffling noises of discomfort, and Jinyoung wants to reach out and stroke him back to sleep except the unmistakable hardness against the curve of his rear keeps his hand trapped to his side.
Well, he swallows the freshly formed lump in his throat. This is new.
For a long time, he's been under the mistaken assumption that the heats people tease him about aren't actually real, and he's jumped to the safer waters of denial by considering that Jaebum's "condition" has more to do with his immune system than his reproductive organs. It's hard to veer back into harmless, innocuous territory when Jaebum's cock is pressing insistently against his ass, senselessly rutting even in his sleep.
Jinyoung's traitorous dick twitches with interest even as he begins to go down the spiral of oh god what am I doing having the hots for my pet I AM THE WORST PERSON EVER. Nothing in the Pet Manual will ever prepare him for this. Then again, the manual doesn't even exist, and he's been going in blind since day one.
He tries to think of really unsexy thoughts. Phone calls with his father. Chunji dumping milk all over his then-pristine carpet. Jackson.
He freezes as Jaebum's tail locks around his knee, as if sensing his skittishness. Jaebum leans closer, nosing at his ear, like he's smelling something that appeals to him on some baser instinct, and Jinyoung prays to any higher being that Jaebum can't smell fear and arousal like a fucking predator.
"Jaebum," Jinyoung breathes out, nudging him awake. Jaebum blinks blearily and makes a confused noise before closing his eyes again and settling back into REM mode.
Jinyoung whaps him on the head with a pillow, relishing in Jaebum's grunt of pain. "Jaebum," he hisses, abandoning delicacy aside, "are you going into heat?"
Jaebum yelps and leaps out of the bed with inhuman speed. He settles for burrowing under the bed frame instead, and it's a tight squeeze but he manages in his desperation. It's quiet for a moment, Jaebum shivering - in anger? Resentment? - and stewing in his misery until Jinyoung braves the tension and offers him the rest of the blankets.
"Okay," Jinyoung declares, forging on with reckless courage despite how, clearly, both of them would rather not be in the same room at the same time right now, "I think we should talk about this."
"No, we shouldn't," says Jaebum, sounding as mortified as Jinyoung feels. "Please leave the room right now and we can go back to ignoring that this happens every month."
"This is gonna hurt me more than it hurts you, but I still think we should," Jinyoung insists. He comes to a sitting position and props his upper body to crouch down the side of the bed in an attempt to look at Jaebum. Jaebum's eyes glitter even in the dim light, and Jinyoung stares back until he can't handle the blood rushing through his head. At least it's not the other one. "I don't even know if I'm keeping you well-fed and hydrated enough when you're like this and oh my god, how many sheets have you ruined?"
"You're the worst owner in the world," Jaebum mutters. The bed frame is vibrating slightly, and Jinyoung clutches at the corner of his mattress to keep from falling off.
"Shit, I know," Jinyoung groans, reluctantly retreating and opting to lay on his back. He stares at the ceiling. "I haven't even gotten you anything."
The shaking stops, but the moroseness emanating from under the bed doesn't. Jinyoung can sense the gears turning in Jaebum's head, almost as rapidly as Jinyoung's snaking train of thought. "Oh fuck," Jaebum groans despondently. "What are you thinking about now?"
Escort services. Pet relief fees. An exhaustive list of online matchmaking sites from hybrids. But Jinyoung's not that ready to tread into this part of the conversation just yet, so he starts with something small, realistic, and less detrimental to his wallet. "I could lend you some toys, if you need it?" Jinyoung babbles, trying to keep the sheets free from creases despite the way he fusses and picks at it. He's already mentally mapping out where he's hidden his college stash, dark days of his life when he'd actually had time for more than an absent-minded wank in the shower. "Or - or - I could help you out?"
Jaebum keeps quiet for a very tense moment. Something ugly coils in Jinyoung's stomach, the pinpricks of tension and frustration rolling off Jaebum in waves. It's not the smartest thing he could have said, and Jaebum probably hates him right now for even offering, what the hell. Just because he's Jaebum's owner doesn't mean that Jaebum wants anything to do with him; he's not that kind of guy.
He tries to crush the depressing turn of his thoughts with a shaky laugh. "Or I could just show myself out, because clearly that's the least embarrassing option for you, right?"
There are shuffling noises under the bed, like Jaebum wants to pace but can't given the limited space. Jinyoung wonders if Jaebum can sense his body hovering over his through the mattress. If Jaebum never wants to come near him ever again.
"I don't need anything," says Jaebum, finally. His voice is low, warning, but there's a plea in it all the same. "And I definitely don't need your pity fuck right now."
Jinyoung opens his mouth to protest, but no words come out when he hears Jaebum's shaky intake of breath. The strain in his voice, tremulous, like he wants to cry. Jinyoung falls silent, struck dumb.
"Just," Jaebum starts, then deflates, fatigued. "Just leave me alone, Jinyoung."
Jackson doesn't stop laughing at him from the moment Jinyoung knocked on Mark's doorstep and begged helplessly for guidance and emotional support. His chuckles keep tapering off every time he leaves the room, but the minute he catches sight of Jinyoung again, he erupts into a laughing fit that gets on everyone's nerves, even Mark.
"Jackson, be quiet," Mark sighs, shaking his head. He hands Jinyoung a can of soda and raps the top of Jackson's head lightly with his knuckled fist. "I don't tell Jinyoung about your ruts, do I?"
"Please don't," Jackson and Jinyoung chorus, suddenly united against a common threat. From his spot on the couch, Bambam makes an aggrieved noise.
"No talking about Jackson-hyung's ruts in front of the minor," Bambam complains, eyes flicking up briefly from his 3DS. "Isn't it enough that I have to deal with the trauma every time?"
"I'm gonna remember this moment when you start yours, you twerp," Jackson mutters, crossing his arms over his chest belligerently.
"Not gonna happen unless I can help it," Bambam grouses. He jabs at the touch screen with a bit more force than necessary with his stylus, clearly digging up some grudge from before that Jinyoung never wants to hear the details of.
"Can we please focus on the crisis at hand?" Jinyoung interrupts before Jackson and Bambam can start tugging at each other's tails and gnawing on ears with the intent to maim. "I have a cat boy in heat and I have no idea what the hell I should do."
Well, not exactly. He'd initially called Yugyeom in a panic and Yugyeom had unhelpfully advised him to, in his exact words, "Fuck him through it, hyung, or let him fuck you. Whatever works. At least you're finally getting some after uni, right?"
Mark doesn't look like he believes him, but he lets it slide. "Well," Mark begins, "when a cat boy and his human love each other very much -"
Fuck, it's worse. Jinyoung's fingers reach up to claw his brain cells out, or cover his ears. Whichever works.
Mark's laughter rings into his ears, and suddenly Jinyoung realizes that it isn't Jackson that contributes to how twisted Bambam's personality is, but Mark. "I'm serious, hyung!"
"You think I'm not?' Mark asks, amused. He nudges at Jackson and rests a possessive hand on Jackson's knee that briefly makes Jinyoung regret thinking that visiting Mark would be a good idea. "Isn't that right, Jackson?"
"Mark usually helps me through mine," says Jackson, slumping in his seat at the admission. Even his tail has gotten depressingly droopy, as if revealing this information to Jinyoung is sapping his life force at every turn. "It gets really tough on my own."
"I am not using Jaebum for sexual favors," Jinyoung says, sending them all a quelling look.
Jackson looks at Bambam, who looks at Mark, who looks at Jackson again. "Technically, he's the one that needs it more than you do," says Jackson, after their weird mind-telepathy moment. Jinyoung vaguely wonders if he and Jaebum will have one of those moments in the future as well.
"And it'll be more painful if you don't help him out," Mark points out, cracking his knuckles.
"Also, he would totally cream in his pants, figuratively or otherwise," says Bambam, nodding to himself. "He's just too repressed to make his big, fat crush on you more obvious."
Jinyoung covers his face with his hands. He doesn't know whether to cry or flush in embarrassment, but he thinks he could do both at the rate they're going. "I don't think all of you understand the severity of the situation."
"And I don't get why Jaebum doesn't just ask you to wank him off," says Jackson, exasperated.
"That would entail asking, hyung," says Bambam. "I don't think he'll get over his own issues to even make the first move."
Jackson squints and asks a legitimately valid question, for once. "Why are cats so stupid?"
"I don't know about Jaebum being stupid," says Mark, "but I think the more pressing question is: how do you really feel about Jaebum, Jinyoung-ah?"
It's the question that haunts him for the rest of Jaebum's heat. Jinyoung doesn't press his ear against the locked door, but he thinks he can hear Jaebum's pained efforts at relief even through the walls, the only words escaping from his lips Jinyoung's name.
He doesn't know if Jaebum knows he can hear him. If he's doing it on purpose. If heats are anything like ruts, then it might just be Jaebum caving in to the desire for a warm body, resolve breaking under the aching, drawn out intensity of his cycle. "The first few times, you don't really have the presence of mind to think," Jackson had said, drilling a hole into the spot past Jinyoung's shoulder. "I was just lucky I was with Mark instead of anyone else."
He's been with Jaebum for at least five cycles - six if he's counting now. He doesn't know how Jaebum could stand it, not when it's so easy to reach out and just shove Jinyoung on the nearest flat surface and indulge himself. Then again, Jaebum's always been a bit gentle even when his words are harsh. He's never touched Jinyoung with aggression outside of the first time he -
Oh. Jinyoung bites his lip. Something clicks into place inside his head, almost at the same time as the click of a lock hours after the first wave of Jaebum's heat.
He looks up from his vigil outside the bedroom, and Jaebum warily peeks out of the small sliver of space he allows between them. He looks scared of Jinyoung, like he's not sure if he's still welcome, and Jinyoung's heart aches at the sight.
"I'm okay now," says Jaebum stiffly, holding himself back. It's a far cry from how he would normally plaster himself to Jinyoung's side whenever he wants to, and Jinyoung bites back the wobbling of his lip and offers him a small smile instead.
"Does it hurt anywhere?"
"A little," Jaebum admits. "But I'll survive."
Jinyoung opens his arms, the way he does whenever Chunji gets into a fight with one of his cousins and he can't turn to anyone else. "Do you want a hug?"
Jaebum looks like he doesn't know how the hell Jinyoung's mind works, which is fair, because Jinyoung feels the same way towards him. "Are you serious right now?" Jaebum asks.
"Yeah," says Jinyoung, arms still outstretched and refusing to feel embarrassed despite the skeptical look Jaebum is throwing him. "Yeah, I am."
It takes Jaebum a total of fifteen seconds before he gives in and folds himself into Jinyoung's embrace, keeping his face buried in the crook of Jinyoung's neck and shoulder. Jinyoung rubs his back and makes consoling noises; he can't help himself when he presses a quick kiss to Jaebum's brow, because Jaebum is just too endearing and fuck it, he has a type, okay?
After a moment, Jaebum looks up, blinking owlishly at him. "You smell really good," Jaebum mumbles, ears twitching. He has a small, uncertain smile on his face, and it makes Jinyoung feel warm all over.
"You say that like I smell like crap the rest of the time," he jokes. Jaebum's arms tighten around his side.
"No," says Jaebum, voice urgent. Jinyoung lets out a soft, surprised sound when Jaebum noses at his jaw. "You always smell good."
"You're sweeter when you're in heat," says Jinyoung, brushing his hair out of his eyes. It feels as nice as the smooth texture of Jaebum's ears, and Jaebum lets out a low, drawn out purr, pleased.
"Not sweeter," says Jaebum, voice as soft and wondering as the way he looks at Jinyoung. "Just more honest, that's all."
Jinyoung's petting stills when Jaebum ducks his head away. He sucks in a deep breath, like he's gathering his nerves. "I'm sorry I got mad at you earlier. I didn't really want you to leave. If I could, I'd just keep you here with me forever, but you say some really insensitive things sometimes that I just couldn't handle it."
"I'm sorry too," Jinyoung offers, clumsily. "I didn't mean to put you in a tight spot. I mean, it was really stupid of me to assume you'd even want me to help you out."
Jaebum makes a noise, sounding like he's been punched in the gut. His eyes flash with something like exasperation, but it's fleeting. "God," says Jaebum, rubbing at his eyes. "You have no idea how much I wanted to say yes."
Jinyoung stills his hands, dragging them away before Jaebum's eyes turn red and not from crying. Jaebum's fingers are more slender and longer than his, but it's easy to cradle his hand into his palm. "Because it hurts that much?"
"Because I like you too much for it to not matter," Jaebum confesses, voice muted and sounding wet. "You have no idea."
"Oh," says Jinyoung, lost for words. He looks at his their laced fingers, and tightens his hold. "I think I do."
Jaebum exhales, a long, low shudder. He keeps a foot of space between their heads, but he keeps stalking the movement of Jinyoung's mouth, the slightest curve into a pout.
"Can I kiss you?" Jaebum asks. Begs, almost. He bites his lip, as if to keep the hope from rising out of his chest, like he's too used to hearing no too many times that he doesn't dare to be too overconfident.
This, they have to talk about in some future time. And maybe they'll talk about Jaebum's home before Jinyoung, too, if he's been as lonely as Jinyoung all this time. Maybe they never will. But right now, all Jinyoung wants to do is dampen the anxiety at Jaebum's brow and kiss the trepidation away, smooth out all the imaginary wrinkles in their relationship with as much tenderness as he could muster. So he does.
Jaebum's mouth is as warm as his hands.
They fall asleep, two parentheses in bed with a space between out of awkwardness despite the relative progression into intimacy. The only thing that connects them is Jaebum's palm on Jinyoung's elbow, broad and tender to the touch. It makes his arm tingle with residual heat, almost as hypersensitive as the dimple of Jinyoung's curved knee when Jaebum's tail accidentally brushes his.
In theory, Jinyoung plans to have the talk with Jaebum in the morning, preferably over breakfast because Jaebum is less prone to crankiness with food in hand and a tall glass of low fat milk in the other. Then Jinyoung plans to kiss him while they do the dishes in the excruciatingly sappy and domestic way couples in the honeymoon phase do, because Jinyoung is a closet romantic and fuck Yugyeom if he thinks his ideas are cheesy. There's cuddling inserted in there, somewhere, but it's already part of their routine so it shouldn't be too hard to pencil in.
His plans go up in smoke when he realizes, hours later, that Jaebum's heat hasn't completely dissipated yet.
Jaebum silences his stuttering protests at leaving with a pounce, keeping him trapped. His arms cage around Jinyoung's sides, and he leans in to make quick work of their clothes, growling in frustration at the way Jinyoung's pajamas catch at his knee.
"You wear too many damn clothes," Jaebum reprimands, tugging at the gartered hem of his pants.
Jinyoung's response gets lost in the smooth motion of Jaebum pulling his shirt above his head and chucking off his shorts with a fluidity Jinyoung can't ever hope to replicate. His breath hitches in his throat and catches; he's seen Jaebum in various stages of semi-nudity before, but this is different, overwhelming. He can't breathe.
"Jinyoung," says Jaebum, mouth hot and a taunting ghost against his jaw, "stop thinking."
Jinyoung doesn't, because asking him to submit to that would mean having to forget about counting the constellation of moles and freckles scattered across Jaebum's limbs, or to stop mapping the path of Jaebum's tongue across his bare skin. The trace of his mouth leaves a long, dull thrum in his veins, and Jinyoung wonders if Jaebum can feel the harsh pounding of his heart when he catches Jinyoung's wrist in his hand and sucks a bruise into the skin.
"I thought you were supposed to be incoherent by now," Jinyoung says, weakly. He licks his lip, mouth dry out of nerves, and Jaebum tracks the movement with narrowed eyes.
"I am," Jaebum groans, bending down to touch his forehead to Jinyoung's. "You drive me so fucking crazy, you and your scent."
He swallows any incoming protests from Jinyoung with an open-mouthed kiss, teeth grazing his tongue, teasing. Jinyoung's fingers scrabble to reach for his back and fist the short strands of hair at the base of Jaebum's neck, tugging when Jaebum nips at his lower lip. He expects more heat, more rutting violence, but there's none of that.
Instead, Jaebum drinks him in with laser focus, pupils blown even as he strokes Jinyoung's cheek with fondness. Jinyoung huffs and blows at his bangs, where they've fallen flat against his brow, and Jaebum huffs, choked-off laughter loosening the tight coiling of his stomach.
"You kiss like a fifteen year old," Jinyoung confesses, suddenly glad that there are some things he and Jaebum could still work on. It makes him feel a little more grounded, a little less uncertain of himself.
"I feel like a fifteen year old," Jaebum retorts, "hormones and all."
Jaebum's hand settles at the base of his spine, the other palming at his own cock, almost like he doesn't know where else to touch, like he's keeping himself at bay. Jinyoung reaches out with tentative fingers to curl around Jaebum's knuckles, emboldened by Jaebum's choked-off gasp. "Don't think about it," Jinyoung echoes Jaebum's words. "Just don't think about it, okay?"
"Don't say I didn't warn you," Jaebum says, mouth quirking into an uncertain smile.
He fumbles around Jinyoung to reach for the bottle of lotion on his bedside table -- a poor substitute, sure, but without the luxury of choice, it's acceptable. Jinyoung's legs part in anticipation, and he braces himself against the headboard for the first intrusion of Jaebum's fingers as he watches Jaebum palm at his own cock with slicked up digits. Jaebum bends to hover over Jinyoung's lower half, a tentative hand leaving a smear of lotion against the apostrophe of his knee, and Jinyoung would smile at him except -- except --
The fucker smirks and ducks his head to blow teasingly at his rim. Jinyoung breathes out his name, gutted. He strains to hear past his heartbeat, his own breathing, the slick, obscene noises of Jaebum's tongue against his hole, and he hears nothing, nothing at all.
Well, he thinks, a bubble of laughter rising out of his chest unwillingly, guess that thing about tongues feeling like sandpaper is a myth after all.
"I'd be more offended if I didn't know your mind works in really weird ways," says Jaebum, tongue peeking out of his mouth. "Was that a jab at my rimming skills?"
"Sandpaper," says Jinyoung, gleefully.
Jaebum's brows shoot up, but he's smiling. "Fuck you," he grouses, ducking down to bite at the inside of Jinyoung's thigh in reprimand. "My tongue is like velvet."
"Yeah, sure, whatever, your tongue can be like satin for all I care," Jinyoung wheezes out, reaching out to rest his hand on the top of Jaebum's head and nudging him back down. "Holy shit, do that again."
It's a testament to Jinyoung's staying power that he manages to still form words even as Jaebum makes him come apart with his tongue. It's barely a string of "god" and "fuck" and "do you want me to die" that escapes his mouth as Jaebum coaxes him open with tender fingers, and Jaebum's eyelids flutter open and close at how Jinyoung tightens around him.
He's still too careful, too restrained. Jinyoung cups his jaw and surges forward, ignoring Jaebum's surprised yelp.
"You," Jinyoung pants into his mouth, "are so," a kiss, "fucking," a bitten-down groan, "slow."
It's the only warning he gives Jaebum before he clambers over his lap and sinks into his cock.
The burn is expected, but it isn't as bad as the first time Jinyoung had fumblingly hooked up with a college friend in the backseat of his car; then again, he hasn't had the fortune of more than an ill-advised minute's preparation, so it's with some relief that the tense arc of his back loosens pliantly under the trembling stroking of Jaebum's hands, palm sweeping across his arms, his back, his thighs.
"Fuck," Jaebum whispers, closing his eyes as Jinyoung rocks his hips experimentally. "I think you're going to kill me."
Jinyoung highly doubts that, because he's not the one getting split open by someone's cock, thanks, but from the strain in Jaebum's voice, he sounds like he really believes it. Being with Jaebum like this is a slow burn, an ache flaring up and spilling over until Jinyoung can't tell where his body ends and Jaebum's begins. It's a blur of skin and coiling heat as Jaebum meets him halfway with upward thrusts, picking up the pace when Jinyoung's thighs start to shake from the effort.
Jinyoung tucks his cheek against Jaebum's ears, soft panting making the tip tense and reverberate. He fists his cock and braces himself with an arm locked around the back of Jaebum's neck, almost impatient with the mindless need to just come, but even through the haze of it and the distracting feeling of Jaebum's tail curling around the hand between their bodies, he can still hear Jaebum, like light through fog.
"Love you," Jaebum chants against his jaw, voice as broken and uneven as the staccato, canting of his hips, coaxing short, sharp whimpers from Jinyoung's mouth, "love you, love you, fucking love how you feel, Jinyoung-ah."
God, Jinyoung fondly thinks, clenching around Jaebum's cock as he comes, I'm so fucking far gone, I'm a mess.
"Love you too," he whispers, and it's all it takes for Jaebum to fall apart.
Jinyoung passes the rest of the weekend on his back on the couch, or hiked up against a wall, or on his knees sucking Jaebum off in the shower, not necessarily in that order. Jaebum may or may not spend an equal amount of time on all fours as well, the arc of his back molding against Jinyoung's chest, bracketed in warmth. He calls in sick on Monday and lets Jaebum bend him over the kitchen counter with his hand a tight ring around his cock and his teeth leaving bruises on his nape, his neck, everywhere.
He spends his waking moments in a daze despite the frenetic pace of Jaebum's heat, and even with the dwindling denouement of the cycle, Jaebum doesn't let him leave his flat until Tuesday. When he slides into the seat opposite Yugyeom and Mark for dinner, Yugyeom fumbles with his glass and nearly spills wine all over his lap.
"Oh my god, did you get mauled by an animal?" Yugyeom demands. Mark just laughs, managing not to choke on his own drink. A couple from a table away turn to look at them in annoyance, but Jinyoung sends them a sunny smile.
"You could say that," Jinyoung says cheerfully, tucking his laptop bag on his lap. He waits until Yugyeom touches his glass again before continuing. "Except that just makes it sound like beastiality, so no."
A hundred emotions seem to flit across Yugyeom's face, until he finally settles for disgust and leaves his wine on the table, forgotten. "Gross," Yugyeom says, horrified. "These are things I do not want to know about you, hyung."
Jinyoung steals his wine and takes a short, victorious sip of his spoils. "I was following your advice!" Jinyoung protests, only half mocking. He flags over a waiter to bring him a menu, and he hides behind it to stifle his laughter.
"Clearly," Marks scoffs, but he looks proud all the same. "We should have gotten you some cake to celebrate."
Yugyeom gags, but Jinyoung doesn't let it ruin his good mood. "I never thought you'd actually do it," says Yugyeom. "For a long time, everyone kind of figured you were married to your job."
"You and Jaebum sound too much alike," Jinyoung complains. "I should never let you two meet, not even when you're seventy and I'm dead."
Yugyeom bites his lip, eyes wide. "I hope you know what you're doing, hyung," he warns, suddenly serious. "A hybrid is a pretty long-term commitment."
Jinyoung rolls his eyes. "I've kind of gotten that a long time ago, Yugyeom."
"Yeah, but that was before I thought you were actually going to shack up with him. If I'd known the teasing would have led to this, I would have dialed it down?"
"So are you actually discouraging me from being in a relationship with Jaebum now?"
"I'm just saying," Yugyeom protests. "Remember that time back when you were still in the biology track and you accidentally but really on purpose slept with your TA and-"
"Let's not talk about Jinyoung's failed stint as a science major," says Mark, cutting off Yugyeom's potentially disparaging remark and Jinyoung's plans of accidentally dumping water on Yugyeom's head. It's been known to happen before, client or no client. "I'm sure we'll have plenty of time to relive that ten years later, thanks."
Jinyoung shrugs it off and lets Mark distract him with a story about Jackson, a fire hydrant, and a police man. He can't quite shake the feeling that despite Mark's lighthearted tone, it's him that worries about Jinyoung more than even Yugyeom.
They catch up on work and stories of university friends until Jinyoung has to beg off post-dinner drinks in favor of going home. Yugyeom calls him boring and makes a sound akin to a snapping whip at the back of his throat, but Mark just looks at him with assessing eyes.
When Mark looks at him like this, Jinyoung feels exposed. It's not as heady as the dark-eyed curiosity from Jaebum as he searches for the spots on Jinyoung's skin that bloom red, sensitized and aching at turns. Nor is it as all-knowing as his sister's imperious gaze, like she's more certain of Jaebum's feelings than Jinyoung is (she is). It's like Mark is trying to piece together a problem he's had since day one, probably since he'd caught sight of Jaebum and offered to take him somewhere he can call home. Mark's been watching them grow together even as confusion and uncertainty pulled them apart.
"Hey," says Mark, eyes bright even in the darkness of the street. "Are you happy now?"
Jinyoung's breath catches in his throat, as familiar as the fluttering in his stomach when he'd kissed Jaebum goodbye only a couple of hours ago. He thinks about his life before Jaebum, going home to an empty apartment and starved of touch and companionship he didn't realize he'd needed. How he's latched on so quickly that he can't imagine himself being the same person he was half a year ago.
Mark seems to find his answer, if the way his eyes soften show. Or maybe it's just the lamp light casting a glow on his face. Maybe it's just Jinyoung.
"You know," says Jinyoung, smiling so forcefully he thinks he might cry. "I really think I am."
Jinyoung wakes up to a hand rubbing circles into his back. For a moment he thinks he's stuck in a dream involving a disreputable massage parlor and indulging in a secret service, but Jaebum's unmistakable voice floats through the haze, commanding him to wake up.
"No," Jinyoung groans, keeping his eyes closed. He still can't quite shake off the fuzzy sensation around his mind, but he refuses to let go in principle. "I'm not getting up at ass o'clock in the morning just to have brunch with my mom."
Jaebum settles for clambering over his back and draping himself along the curve of Jinyoung's spine, fingers digging into Jinyoung's sides. Jinyoung makes an unhappy sound, and he can feel Jaebum's lips twitch into a smile as he noses at his ear.
"She knew you'd say that," says Jaebum, huffing. "It's why she explicitly asked me to kick you out of bed if necessary."
The feeling of Jaebum's thighs braced around his waist is distracting, but Jinyoung counts to three and focuses on his mother. "You wouldn't," says Jinyoung, appalled.
Jaebum's eyelashes ghost over the side of his face, a butterfly kiss that makes Jinyoung shiver and curse his traitorous body. "Your mother is scary and I value my life," says Jaebum, "so yes, I would. I really, really would."
Two years later and Jaebum indulges Jinyoung's family more than he does Jinyoung. Jinyoung sulks and reaches behind to bat at Jaebum, but it's futile, at best. Jaebum presses a tiny kiss at the corner of his mouth in appeasement, half an apology, half a promise. Jinyoung's pout doesn't waver at all. "You're as bossy as my sisters," Jinyoung mutters.
"Aren't you glad I'm not your sister?" Jaebum asks. His fingers scrabble at Jinyoung's hip, and dip lower. Jinyoung hides his face into a pillow and gasps. Jaebum proceeds to ruin the moment by talking about his family some more, god. "Speaking of sisters, they're asking me to babysit on Friday. Do you wanna tag along?"
"I'll make sure to find some last-minute projects to keep me occupied," Jinyoung hazards, already kissing any hope of a morning quickie goodbye with how quickly his erection is deflating from any and all thoughts of his sisters' spawns, all bright-eyed and innocent and still blinded to the fact that Jaebum isn't necessarily just a house pet to play tag with, nope. More like, manhunt with less clothes and actual hiding..
"But Jireongie," Jaebum teases, "they already think I'm their uncle and not you."
Jinyoung snorts. "Tail and all?" He asks, skeptically, gesturing at the appendage lazily lifted in the air.
"Tail and all," Jaebum affirms. It lasts a full five seconds before he ends up cracking himself up, and he winds up curled up in a fetal position as he tries to recover from his laughing fit. Jinyoung rolls his eyes and pushes himself off of the mattress, jabbing at Jaebum's shoulder.
"You're a dork," Jinyoung says. An incredibly exasperating dork with a nice pair of arms and a nicer smile to boot. He wrestles the blanket away from Jaebum and wraps it around his waist to keep the cool air from freezing his bits before he can find the mercy of the water heater.
"I know," says Jaebum, fondly patting Jinyoung's ass. "Now go take a shower before I'm tempted to come after you."
Jinyoung scoffs, but he manages not to trip on his feet as he climbs out of bed. The blanket makes it awkward to retain some semblance of dignity, but from the considering expression on Jaebum's narrow-eyed stare, he definitely needs all the covering up he can get. "How indecent."
Jaebum makes a sound of assent, and he tugs Jinyoung back with a tail wrapped around his wrist. "You love me," he reminds him, ears twitching in anticipation. Jinyoung gives it about three seconds before he gives in and touches a grey-tipped ear, smiling.
"Yeah," says Jinyoung. "Yeah, I really do."
one | part two
Pet dates and client meetings aside, life goes on with as little pomp and fanfare as expected. It's really only Jinyoung that tends to make mountains out of flattened molehills, but he has his reservations sometimes.
He's still putting off thinking about Jaebum's cycles increasing in duration and tension, but he distracts himself with his projects. When he's not trying to cram last-minute work in the small window of time he has before rush hour stops becoming a convenient excuse to an unimpressed flatmate, Jinyoung is equally busy thinking about where to get dinner from and how many dessert items he can cram into Jaebum's stomach before Jaebum catches on. (Two bites from a peanut macaroon and half a churro, apparently, because Jaebum is a wuss that can't handle the sweeter things in life.)
"It's like you're trying to fatten him up before eating him," Youngjae comments with wide eyes when he comes with Jinyoung to a food stall a few blocks away from the train station. Jinyoung's arm is trembling from the combined weight of his laptop and the plastic bag full of sundae and dakkochi, and maybe the food is heavier but Youngjae doesn't need to know that. "It's really scary how much you feed him."
"You've been watching too many TV dramas," says Jinyoung. The bag teeters uncomfortably to the side, but Jinyoung just props it up on his hip and sighs. "I'm just taking care of him, that's all."
"If your idea of pampering him is suffocation, then sure," says Youngjae, warily. "How old is your cat anyway?"
Youngjae is still under the mistaken assumption that Jaebum is a normal housecat and not an actual hybrid that may or may not be taller than Jinyoung by a few inches, give or take. He keeps nagging at Jinyoung to buy Jaebum a sack of cat food instead of letting him consume "human" meals, but Jinyoung wants to keep living so he doesn't pay attention to Youngjae's concerns about Jaebum's dietary restrictions and his road towards pet obesity. Occasionally it's hilarious, but some days it's just exhausting.
"I dunno," Jinyoung says, shrugging. "Probably my age?"
Youngjae laughs. "How can you even tell?"
Jinyoung can't because he honestly doesn't know, not when the official papers don't even feel the need to mention anything about Jaebum beyond his pedigree and an exhaustive list of potential genetic issues to watch out for. He thinks about it long after he and Youngjae part ways at the station - thinks as he checks his mailbox for bills or catalogues, or as he wrestles with his keys, or even as he watches Jaebum push his vegetables aside in favor of attacking the meat on his plate. He doesn't even make a noise of complaint when Jaebum's chopsticks start pilfering pieces of beef from him, and Jaebum exhales loudly from across the table.
"Okay," says Jaebum, "what stupid thing are you thinking of now?"
The question's been hanging over them like an apostrophe, and it's like Jaebum's words are the only things he's been waiting for before he lets his tongue loosen from its contraction. "How old are you?" Jinyoung blurts out. "When is your birthday? Oh god, did we miss it, I'm the worst person ever, I don't even-"
Jaebum cuts him off with a slice of carrot pressing insistently against his bottom lip. "First of all, slow down before you choke on your food," says Jaebum, calmly. "I don't wanna end up having to explain to the authorities about how my human's incompetence got him killed off."
Jinyoung makes a small, unhappy sound, but he obediently opens his mouth. Jaebum considers him with hooded eyes as he nibbles on the piece, and it makes Jinyoung feel like they've switched roles all of a sudden, like he's the one being mothered now.
"I'm actually older than you, so you should be calling me hyung," Jaebum teases. "But I don't think anyone else would take kindly to that."
"You're old enough to work and you're still a lazy ass?" Jinyoung squawks, half-heartedly mocking if only to tamp down the rising internal hysteria. He props up his feet on the edge of his stool and curls in on himself, and it doesn't even surprise him when Jaebum reaches across the table with a hand on his shoulder to keep him steady.
"You work hard enough for both of us, don't even try to deny it," says Jaebum, squeezing once before pulling away. They're quiet for a beat, Jaebum mulling over his words and Jinyoung waiting for him to string his thoughts together. Jaebum doesn't like to waste his words much, preferring confrontation over Jinyoung's meandering method, and it's as much a measure of sincerity as it is a sign of confidence that he's comfortable enough to not feel like Jinyoung will turn him out at the first sign of conflict. "Is this really about potentially missing out on an excuse to celebrate and get drunk, or is this about something else?"
Jaebum's gaze is sharp and piercing, and Jinyoung is as malleable as water with no trace of liquid courage. "I don't even know anything about you," Jinyoung confesses.
Jaebum rolls his eyes, reaching over to hit him with his knuckles. Jinyoung flinches and expects it to come to the top of his head, or maybe his forehead, but Jaebum lets the back of his hand rest against his cheek. Jinyoung opens his eyes slowly and stares at the almost-fond look on Jaebum's face.
"That's stupid," says Jaebum. He doesn't pull his hand away just yet. "We've only known each other for a few months, and it's okay. We have a lot of time to get to know each other better."
Jinyoung wets his lips with his tongue, eager to get the dryness out of his system. It seems to jolt Jaebum back to awareness, because he suddenly yanks his hand back and stuffs it in his pocket.
"Yeah," says Jinyoung. "You're right."
Jaebum considers him again, and his foot finds its way to Jinyoung's ankle under the table. He locks their legs together and huffs.
"You're not a bad owner, you know," says Jaebum. They've come a long way from where they were weeks ago, because Jaebum doesn't even sound like admitting it physically pains him. Jinyoung almost feels touched, except Jaebum, master of ruined moments and inappropriate responses, adds, "Just really stupid sometimes."
Jinyoung kicks at his feet. "Thanks for ruining the moment."
Jaebum sighs, aggrieved, and ignores Jinyoung's alarmed squawk when he pushes at the leg of Jinyoung's chair in response. "Eat your bell peppers, Jinyoung."
It's not always tenderhearted conversations and smooth sailing living with Jaebum. If dealing with dog hybrids like Jackson is like facing a never-ending treadmill loop hoping to god you don't fall flat on your face before it quits and dies, dealing with a cat hybrid is like handling a ticking time bomb while possessing zero background in circuitry and having the misfortune of colorblindness. Some days, Jaebum is a stewing mess of frustration, balking at every tiny thing; other days, he's the least intrusive and most helpful flatmate Jinyoung could hope for.
One step forward, two steps back. It's a dance that Jinyoung still hasn't managed to memorize the choreography of just yet, and today is shaping up to be one of the bad days. Jaebum is a far better dancer than him, and he's uncooperative during his cycles at best, grudgingly repressive at worst.
"Get out."
Jinyoung looks up from toeing off his socks and dumping them on the pile of clothes on the floor. Jaebum is standing by the doorway, shoulders tense and eyebrows furrowed. When he grabs at Jinyoung's arm, he radiates heat and makes Jinyoung shiver. He's been in a strange mood since this morning, speaking in mostly one-word sentences or grunts of disapproval and disdain. Jinyoung wonders if it's that time of the month, but at the sight of fresh bedsheets and the cool air from the AC, he decides he really doesn't care.
"Nag at me when I've slept for more than two hours," is all Jinyoung has to say before plopping down on the foot of his bed and closing his eyes, ignoring Jaebum's spluttering protests. The lull of the air-conditioning and the comforting coolness of the blankets drown out Jaebum's pointed warnings, and Jinyoung forgets the crease on Jaebum's brow and the tight set of his jaw in the murky space between waking and dreaming.
In retrospect, he should really listen to Jaebum more. He wakes up with his comforter bunched up to his chest and Jaebum spooning him from behind, heat suffocating him on both sides. Jaebum keeps making snuffling noises of discomfort, and Jinyoung wants to reach out and stroke him back to sleep except the unmistakable hardness against the curve of his rear keeps his hand trapped to his side.
Well, he swallows the freshly formed lump in his throat. This is new.
For a long time, he's been under the mistaken assumption that the heats people tease him about aren't actually real, and he's jumped to the safer waters of denial by considering that Jaebum's "condition" has more to do with his immune system than his reproductive organs. It's hard to veer back into harmless, innocuous territory when Jaebum's cock is pressing insistently against his ass, senselessly rutting even in his sleep.
Jinyoung's traitorous dick twitches with interest even as he begins to go down the spiral of oh god what am I doing having the hots for my pet I AM THE WORST PERSON EVER. Nothing in the Pet Manual will ever prepare him for this. Then again, the manual doesn't even exist, and he's been going in blind since day one.
He tries to think of really unsexy thoughts. Phone calls with his father. Chunji dumping milk all over his then-pristine carpet. Jackson.
He freezes as Jaebum's tail locks around his knee, as if sensing his skittishness. Jaebum leans closer, nosing at his ear, like he's smelling something that appeals to him on some baser instinct, and Jinyoung prays to any higher being that Jaebum can't smell fear and arousal like a fucking predator.
"Jaebum," Jinyoung breathes out, nudging him awake. Jaebum blinks blearily and makes a confused noise before closing his eyes again and settling back into REM mode.
Jinyoung whaps him on the head with a pillow, relishing in Jaebum's grunt of pain. "Jaebum," he hisses, abandoning delicacy aside, "are you going into heat?"
Jaebum yelps and leaps out of the bed with inhuman speed. He settles for burrowing under the bed frame instead, and it's a tight squeeze but he manages in his desperation. It's quiet for a moment, Jaebum shivering - in anger? Resentment? - and stewing in his misery until Jinyoung braves the tension and offers him the rest of the blankets.
"Okay," Jinyoung declares, forging on with reckless courage despite how, clearly, both of them would rather not be in the same room at the same time right now, "I think we should talk about this."
"No, we shouldn't," says Jaebum, sounding as mortified as Jinyoung feels. "Please leave the room right now and we can go back to ignoring that this happens every month."
"This is gonna hurt me more than it hurts you, but I still think we should," Jinyoung insists. He comes to a sitting position and props his upper body to crouch down the side of the bed in an attempt to look at Jaebum. Jaebum's eyes glitter even in the dim light, and Jinyoung stares back until he can't handle the blood rushing through his head. At least it's not the other one. "I don't even know if I'm keeping you well-fed and hydrated enough when you're like this and oh my god, how many sheets have you ruined?"
"You're the worst owner in the world," Jaebum mutters. The bed frame is vibrating slightly, and Jinyoung clutches at the corner of his mattress to keep from falling off.
"Shit, I know," Jinyoung groans, reluctantly retreating and opting to lay on his back. He stares at the ceiling. "I haven't even gotten you anything."
The shaking stops, but the moroseness emanating from under the bed doesn't. Jinyoung can sense the gears turning in Jaebum's head, almost as rapidly as Jinyoung's snaking train of thought. "Oh fuck," Jaebum groans despondently. "What are you thinking about now?"
Escort services. Pet relief fees. An exhaustive list of online matchmaking sites from hybrids. But Jinyoung's not that ready to tread into this part of the conversation just yet, so he starts with something small, realistic, and less detrimental to his wallet. "I could lend you some toys, if you need it?" Jinyoung babbles, trying to keep the sheets free from creases despite the way he fusses and picks at it. He's already mentally mapping out where he's hidden his college stash, dark days of his life when he'd actually had time for more than an absent-minded wank in the shower. "Or - or - I could help you out?"
Jaebum keeps quiet for a very tense moment. Something ugly coils in Jinyoung's stomach, the pinpricks of tension and frustration rolling off Jaebum in waves. It's not the smartest thing he could have said, and Jaebum probably hates him right now for even offering, what the hell. Just because he's Jaebum's owner doesn't mean that Jaebum wants anything to do with him; he's not that kind of guy.
He tries to crush the depressing turn of his thoughts with a shaky laugh. "Or I could just show myself out, because clearly that's the least embarrassing option for you, right?"
There are shuffling noises under the bed, like Jaebum wants to pace but can't given the limited space. Jinyoung wonders if Jaebum can sense his body hovering over his through the mattress. If Jaebum never wants to come near him ever again.
"I don't need anything," says Jaebum, finally. His voice is low, warning, but there's a plea in it all the same. "And I definitely don't need your pity fuck right now."
Jinyoung opens his mouth to protest, but no words come out when he hears Jaebum's shaky intake of breath. The strain in his voice, tremulous, like he wants to cry. Jinyoung falls silent, struck dumb.
"Just," Jaebum starts, then deflates, fatigued. "Just leave me alone, Jinyoung."
Jackson doesn't stop laughing at him from the moment Jinyoung knocked on Mark's doorstep and begged helplessly for guidance and emotional support. His chuckles keep tapering off every time he leaves the room, but the minute he catches sight of Jinyoung again, he erupts into a laughing fit that gets on everyone's nerves, even Mark.
"Jackson, be quiet," Mark sighs, shaking his head. He hands Jinyoung a can of soda and raps the top of Jackson's head lightly with his knuckled fist. "I don't tell Jinyoung about your ruts, do I?"
"Please don't," Jackson and Jinyoung chorus, suddenly united against a common threat. From his spot on the couch, Bambam makes an aggrieved noise.
"No talking about Jackson-hyung's ruts in front of the minor," Bambam complains, eyes flicking up briefly from his 3DS. "Isn't it enough that I have to deal with the trauma every time?"
"I'm gonna remember this moment when you start yours, you twerp," Jackson mutters, crossing his arms over his chest belligerently.
"Not gonna happen unless I can help it," Bambam grouses. He jabs at the touch screen with a bit more force than necessary with his stylus, clearly digging up some grudge from before that Jinyoung never wants to hear the details of.
"Can we please focus on the crisis at hand?" Jinyoung interrupts before Jackson and Bambam can start tugging at each other's tails and gnawing on ears with the intent to maim. "I have a cat boy in heat and I have no idea what the hell I should do."
Well, not exactly. He'd initially called Yugyeom in a panic and Yugyeom had unhelpfully advised him to, in his exact words, "Fuck him through it, hyung, or let him fuck you. Whatever works. At least you're finally getting some after uni, right?"
Mark doesn't look like he believes him, but he lets it slide. "Well," Mark begins, "when a cat boy and his human love each other very much -"
Fuck, it's worse. Jinyoung's fingers reach up to claw his brain cells out, or cover his ears. Whichever works.
Mark's laughter rings into his ears, and suddenly Jinyoung realizes that it isn't Jackson that contributes to how twisted Bambam's personality is, but Mark. "I'm serious, hyung!"
"You think I'm not?' Mark asks, amused. He nudges at Jackson and rests a possessive hand on Jackson's knee that briefly makes Jinyoung regret thinking that visiting Mark would be a good idea. "Isn't that right, Jackson?"
"Mark usually helps me through mine," says Jackson, slumping in his seat at the admission. Even his tail has gotten depressingly droopy, as if revealing this information to Jinyoung is sapping his life force at every turn. "It gets really tough on my own."
"I am not using Jaebum for sexual favors," Jinyoung says, sending them all a quelling look.
Jackson looks at Bambam, who looks at Mark, who looks at Jackson again. "Technically, he's the one that needs it more than you do," says Jackson, after their weird mind-telepathy moment. Jinyoung vaguely wonders if he and Jaebum will have one of those moments in the future as well.
"And it'll be more painful if you don't help him out," Mark points out, cracking his knuckles.
"Also, he would totally cream in his pants, figuratively or otherwise," says Bambam, nodding to himself. "He's just too repressed to make his big, fat crush on you more obvious."
Jinyoung covers his face with his hands. He doesn't know whether to cry or flush in embarrassment, but he thinks he could do both at the rate they're going. "I don't think all of you understand the severity of the situation."
"And I don't get why Jaebum doesn't just ask you to wank him off," says Jackson, exasperated.
"That would entail asking, hyung," says Bambam. "I don't think he'll get over his own issues to even make the first move."
Jackson squints and asks a legitimately valid question, for once. "Why are cats so stupid?"
"I don't know about Jaebum being stupid," says Mark, "but I think the more pressing question is: how do you really feel about Jaebum, Jinyoung-ah?"
It's the question that haunts him for the rest of Jaebum's heat. Jinyoung doesn't press his ear against the locked door, but he thinks he can hear Jaebum's pained efforts at relief even through the walls, the only words escaping from his lips Jinyoung's name.
He doesn't know if Jaebum knows he can hear him. If he's doing it on purpose. If heats are anything like ruts, then it might just be Jaebum caving in to the desire for a warm body, resolve breaking under the aching, drawn out intensity of his cycle. "The first few times, you don't really have the presence of mind to think," Jackson had said, drilling a hole into the spot past Jinyoung's shoulder. "I was just lucky I was with Mark instead of anyone else."
He's been with Jaebum for at least five cycles - six if he's counting now. He doesn't know how Jaebum could stand it, not when it's so easy to reach out and just shove Jinyoung on the nearest flat surface and indulge himself. Then again, Jaebum's always been a bit gentle even when his words are harsh. He's never touched Jinyoung with aggression outside of the first time he -
Oh. Jinyoung bites his lip. Something clicks into place inside his head, almost at the same time as the click of a lock hours after the first wave of Jaebum's heat.
He looks up from his vigil outside the bedroom, and Jaebum warily peeks out of the small sliver of space he allows between them. He looks scared of Jinyoung, like he's not sure if he's still welcome, and Jinyoung's heart aches at the sight.
"I'm okay now," says Jaebum stiffly, holding himself back. It's a far cry from how he would normally plaster himself to Jinyoung's side whenever he wants to, and Jinyoung bites back the wobbling of his lip and offers him a small smile instead.
"Does it hurt anywhere?"
"A little," Jaebum admits. "But I'll survive."
Jinyoung opens his arms, the way he does whenever Chunji gets into a fight with one of his cousins and he can't turn to anyone else. "Do you want a hug?"
Jaebum looks like he doesn't know how the hell Jinyoung's mind works, which is fair, because Jinyoung feels the same way towards him. "Are you serious right now?" Jaebum asks.
"Yeah," says Jinyoung, arms still outstretched and refusing to feel embarrassed despite the skeptical look Jaebum is throwing him. "Yeah, I am."
It takes Jaebum a total of fifteen seconds before he gives in and folds himself into Jinyoung's embrace, keeping his face buried in the crook of Jinyoung's neck and shoulder. Jinyoung rubs his back and makes consoling noises; he can't help himself when he presses a quick kiss to Jaebum's brow, because Jaebum is just too endearing and fuck it, he has a type, okay?
After a moment, Jaebum looks up, blinking owlishly at him. "You smell really good," Jaebum mumbles, ears twitching. He has a small, uncertain smile on his face, and it makes Jinyoung feel warm all over.
"You say that like I smell like crap the rest of the time," he jokes. Jaebum's arms tighten around his side.
"No," says Jaebum, voice urgent. Jinyoung lets out a soft, surprised sound when Jaebum noses at his jaw. "You always smell good."
"You're sweeter when you're in heat," says Jinyoung, brushing his hair out of his eyes. It feels as nice as the smooth texture of Jaebum's ears, and Jaebum lets out a low, drawn out purr, pleased.
"Not sweeter," says Jaebum, voice as soft and wondering as the way he looks at Jinyoung. "Just more honest, that's all."
Jinyoung's petting stills when Jaebum ducks his head away. He sucks in a deep breath, like he's gathering his nerves. "I'm sorry I got mad at you earlier. I didn't really want you to leave. If I could, I'd just keep you here with me forever, but you say some really insensitive things sometimes that I just couldn't handle it."
"I'm sorry too," Jinyoung offers, clumsily. "I didn't mean to put you in a tight spot. I mean, it was really stupid of me to assume you'd even want me to help you out."
Jaebum makes a noise, sounding like he's been punched in the gut. His eyes flash with something like exasperation, but it's fleeting. "God," says Jaebum, rubbing at his eyes. "You have no idea how much I wanted to say yes."
Jinyoung stills his hands, dragging them away before Jaebum's eyes turn red and not from crying. Jaebum's fingers are more slender and longer than his, but it's easy to cradle his hand into his palm. "Because it hurts that much?"
"Because I like you too much for it to not matter," Jaebum confesses, voice muted and sounding wet. "You have no idea."
"Oh," says Jinyoung, lost for words. He looks at his their laced fingers, and tightens his hold. "I think I do."
Jaebum exhales, a long, low shudder. He keeps a foot of space between their heads, but he keeps stalking the movement of Jinyoung's mouth, the slightest curve into a pout.
"Can I kiss you?" Jaebum asks. Begs, almost. He bites his lip, as if to keep the hope from rising out of his chest, like he's too used to hearing no too many times that he doesn't dare to be too overconfident.
This, they have to talk about in some future time. And maybe they'll talk about Jaebum's home before Jinyoung, too, if he's been as lonely as Jinyoung all this time. Maybe they never will. But right now, all Jinyoung wants to do is dampen the anxiety at Jaebum's brow and kiss the trepidation away, smooth out all the imaginary wrinkles in their relationship with as much tenderness as he could muster. So he does.
Jaebum's mouth is as warm as his hands.
They fall asleep, two parentheses in bed with a space between out of awkwardness despite the relative progression into intimacy. The only thing that connects them is Jaebum's palm on Jinyoung's elbow, broad and tender to the touch. It makes his arm tingle with residual heat, almost as hypersensitive as the dimple of Jinyoung's curved knee when Jaebum's tail accidentally brushes his.
In theory, Jinyoung plans to have the talk with Jaebum in the morning, preferably over breakfast because Jaebum is less prone to crankiness with food in hand and a tall glass of low fat milk in the other. Then Jinyoung plans to kiss him while they do the dishes in the excruciatingly sappy and domestic way couples in the honeymoon phase do, because Jinyoung is a closet romantic and fuck Yugyeom if he thinks his ideas are cheesy. There's cuddling inserted in there, somewhere, but it's already part of their routine so it shouldn't be too hard to pencil in.
His plans go up in smoke when he realizes, hours later, that Jaebum's heat hasn't completely dissipated yet.
Jaebum silences his stuttering protests at leaving with a pounce, keeping him trapped. His arms cage around Jinyoung's sides, and he leans in to make quick work of their clothes, growling in frustration at the way Jinyoung's pajamas catch at his knee.
"You wear too many damn clothes," Jaebum reprimands, tugging at the gartered hem of his pants.
Jinyoung's response gets lost in the smooth motion of Jaebum pulling his shirt above his head and chucking off his shorts with a fluidity Jinyoung can't ever hope to replicate. His breath hitches in his throat and catches; he's seen Jaebum in various stages of semi-nudity before, but this is different, overwhelming. He can't breathe.
"Jinyoung," says Jaebum, mouth hot and a taunting ghost against his jaw, "stop thinking."
Jinyoung doesn't, because asking him to submit to that would mean having to forget about counting the constellation of moles and freckles scattered across Jaebum's limbs, or to stop mapping the path of Jaebum's tongue across his bare skin. The trace of his mouth leaves a long, dull thrum in his veins, and Jinyoung wonders if Jaebum can feel the harsh pounding of his heart when he catches Jinyoung's wrist in his hand and sucks a bruise into the skin.
"I thought you were supposed to be incoherent by now," Jinyoung says, weakly. He licks his lip, mouth dry out of nerves, and Jaebum tracks the movement with narrowed eyes.
"I am," Jaebum groans, bending down to touch his forehead to Jinyoung's. "You drive me so fucking crazy, you and your scent."
He swallows any incoming protests from Jinyoung with an open-mouthed kiss, teeth grazing his tongue, teasing. Jinyoung's fingers scrabble to reach for his back and fist the short strands of hair at the base of Jaebum's neck, tugging when Jaebum nips at his lower lip. He expects more heat, more rutting violence, but there's none of that.
Instead, Jaebum drinks him in with laser focus, pupils blown even as he strokes Jinyoung's cheek with fondness. Jinyoung huffs and blows at his bangs, where they've fallen flat against his brow, and Jaebum huffs, choked-off laughter loosening the tight coiling of his stomach.
"You kiss like a fifteen year old," Jinyoung confesses, suddenly glad that there are some things he and Jaebum could still work on. It makes him feel a little more grounded, a little less uncertain of himself.
"I feel like a fifteen year old," Jaebum retorts, "hormones and all."
Jaebum's hand settles at the base of his spine, the other palming at his own cock, almost like he doesn't know where else to touch, like he's keeping himself at bay. Jinyoung reaches out with tentative fingers to curl around Jaebum's knuckles, emboldened by Jaebum's choked-off gasp. "Don't think about it," Jinyoung echoes Jaebum's words. "Just don't think about it, okay?"
"Don't say I didn't warn you," Jaebum says, mouth quirking into an uncertain smile.
He fumbles around Jinyoung to reach for the bottle of lotion on his bedside table -- a poor substitute, sure, but without the luxury of choice, it's acceptable. Jinyoung's legs part in anticipation, and he braces himself against the headboard for the first intrusion of Jaebum's fingers as he watches Jaebum palm at his own cock with slicked up digits. Jaebum bends to hover over Jinyoung's lower half, a tentative hand leaving a smear of lotion against the apostrophe of his knee, and Jinyoung would smile at him except -- except --
The fucker smirks and ducks his head to blow teasingly at his rim. Jinyoung breathes out his name, gutted. He strains to hear past his heartbeat, his own breathing, the slick, obscene noises of Jaebum's tongue against his hole, and he hears nothing, nothing at all.
Well, he thinks, a bubble of laughter rising out of his chest unwillingly, guess that thing about tongues feeling like sandpaper is a myth after all.
"I'd be more offended if I didn't know your mind works in really weird ways," says Jaebum, tongue peeking out of his mouth. "Was that a jab at my rimming skills?"
"Sandpaper," says Jinyoung, gleefully.
Jaebum's brows shoot up, but he's smiling. "Fuck you," he grouses, ducking down to bite at the inside of Jinyoung's thigh in reprimand. "My tongue is like velvet."
"Yeah, sure, whatever, your tongue can be like satin for all I care," Jinyoung wheezes out, reaching out to rest his hand on the top of Jaebum's head and nudging him back down. "Holy shit, do that again."
It's a testament to Jinyoung's staying power that he manages to still form words even as Jaebum makes him come apart with his tongue. It's barely a string of "god" and "fuck" and "do you want me to die" that escapes his mouth as Jaebum coaxes him open with tender fingers, and Jaebum's eyelids flutter open and close at how Jinyoung tightens around him.
He's still too careful, too restrained. Jinyoung cups his jaw and surges forward, ignoring Jaebum's surprised yelp.
"You," Jinyoung pants into his mouth, "are so," a kiss, "fucking," a bitten-down groan, "slow."
It's the only warning he gives Jaebum before he clambers over his lap and sinks into his cock.
The burn is expected, but it isn't as bad as the first time Jinyoung had fumblingly hooked up with a college friend in the backseat of his car; then again, he hasn't had the fortune of more than an ill-advised minute's preparation, so it's with some relief that the tense arc of his back loosens pliantly under the trembling stroking of Jaebum's hands, palm sweeping across his arms, his back, his thighs.
"Fuck," Jaebum whispers, closing his eyes as Jinyoung rocks his hips experimentally. "I think you're going to kill me."
Jinyoung highly doubts that, because he's not the one getting split open by someone's cock, thanks, but from the strain in Jaebum's voice, he sounds like he really believes it. Being with Jaebum like this is a slow burn, an ache flaring up and spilling over until Jinyoung can't tell where his body ends and Jaebum's begins. It's a blur of skin and coiling heat as Jaebum meets him halfway with upward thrusts, picking up the pace when Jinyoung's thighs start to shake from the effort.
Jinyoung tucks his cheek against Jaebum's ears, soft panting making the tip tense and reverberate. He fists his cock and braces himself with an arm locked around the back of Jaebum's neck, almost impatient with the mindless need to just come, but even through the haze of it and the distracting feeling of Jaebum's tail curling around the hand between their bodies, he can still hear Jaebum, like light through fog.
"Love you," Jaebum chants against his jaw, voice as broken and uneven as the staccato, canting of his hips, coaxing short, sharp whimpers from Jinyoung's mouth, "love you, love you, fucking love how you feel, Jinyoung-ah."
God, Jinyoung fondly thinks, clenching around Jaebum's cock as he comes, I'm so fucking far gone, I'm a mess.
"Love you too," he whispers, and it's all it takes for Jaebum to fall apart.
Jinyoung passes the rest of the weekend on his back on the couch, or hiked up against a wall, or on his knees sucking Jaebum off in the shower, not necessarily in that order. Jaebum may or may not spend an equal amount of time on all fours as well, the arc of his back molding against Jinyoung's chest, bracketed in warmth. He calls in sick on Monday and lets Jaebum bend him over the kitchen counter with his hand a tight ring around his cock and his teeth leaving bruises on his nape, his neck, everywhere.
He spends his waking moments in a daze despite the frenetic pace of Jaebum's heat, and even with the dwindling denouement of the cycle, Jaebum doesn't let him leave his flat until Tuesday. When he slides into the seat opposite Yugyeom and Mark for dinner, Yugyeom fumbles with his glass and nearly spills wine all over his lap.
"Oh my god, did you get mauled by an animal?" Yugyeom demands. Mark just laughs, managing not to choke on his own drink. A couple from a table away turn to look at them in annoyance, but Jinyoung sends them a sunny smile.
"You could say that," Jinyoung says cheerfully, tucking his laptop bag on his lap. He waits until Yugyeom touches his glass again before continuing. "Except that just makes it sound like beastiality, so no."
A hundred emotions seem to flit across Yugyeom's face, until he finally settles for disgust and leaves his wine on the table, forgotten. "Gross," Yugyeom says, horrified. "These are things I do not want to know about you, hyung."
Jinyoung steals his wine and takes a short, victorious sip of his spoils. "I was following your advice!" Jinyoung protests, only half mocking. He flags over a waiter to bring him a menu, and he hides behind it to stifle his laughter.
"Clearly," Marks scoffs, but he looks proud all the same. "We should have gotten you some cake to celebrate."
Yugyeom gags, but Jinyoung doesn't let it ruin his good mood. "I never thought you'd actually do it," says Yugyeom. "For a long time, everyone kind of figured you were married to your job."
"You and Jaebum sound too much alike," Jinyoung complains. "I should never let you two meet, not even when you're seventy and I'm dead."
Yugyeom bites his lip, eyes wide. "I hope you know what you're doing, hyung," he warns, suddenly serious. "A hybrid is a pretty long-term commitment."
Jinyoung rolls his eyes. "I've kind of gotten that a long time ago, Yugyeom."
"Yeah, but that was before I thought you were actually going to shack up with him. If I'd known the teasing would have led to this, I would have dialed it down?"
"So are you actually discouraging me from being in a relationship with Jaebum now?"
"I'm just saying," Yugyeom protests. "Remember that time back when you were still in the biology track and you accidentally but really on purpose slept with your TA and-"
"Let's not talk about Jinyoung's failed stint as a science major," says Mark, cutting off Yugyeom's potentially disparaging remark and Jinyoung's plans of accidentally dumping water on Yugyeom's head. It's been known to happen before, client or no client. "I'm sure we'll have plenty of time to relive that ten years later, thanks."
Jinyoung shrugs it off and lets Mark distract him with a story about Jackson, a fire hydrant, and a police man. He can't quite shake the feeling that despite Mark's lighthearted tone, it's him that worries about Jinyoung more than even Yugyeom.
They catch up on work and stories of university friends until Jinyoung has to beg off post-dinner drinks in favor of going home. Yugyeom calls him boring and makes a sound akin to a snapping whip at the back of his throat, but Mark just looks at him with assessing eyes.
When Mark looks at him like this, Jinyoung feels exposed. It's not as heady as the dark-eyed curiosity from Jaebum as he searches for the spots on Jinyoung's skin that bloom red, sensitized and aching at turns. Nor is it as all-knowing as his sister's imperious gaze, like she's more certain of Jaebum's feelings than Jinyoung is (she is). It's like Mark is trying to piece together a problem he's had since day one, probably since he'd caught sight of Jaebum and offered to take him somewhere he can call home. Mark's been watching them grow together even as confusion and uncertainty pulled them apart.
"Hey," says Mark, eyes bright even in the darkness of the street. "Are you happy now?"
Jinyoung's breath catches in his throat, as familiar as the fluttering in his stomach when he'd kissed Jaebum goodbye only a couple of hours ago. He thinks about his life before Jaebum, going home to an empty apartment and starved of touch and companionship he didn't realize he'd needed. How he's latched on so quickly that he can't imagine himself being the same person he was half a year ago.
Mark seems to find his answer, if the way his eyes soften show. Or maybe it's just the lamp light casting a glow on his face. Maybe it's just Jinyoung.
"You know," says Jinyoung, smiling so forcefully he thinks he might cry. "I really think I am."
Jinyoung wakes up to a hand rubbing circles into his back. For a moment he thinks he's stuck in a dream involving a disreputable massage parlor and indulging in a secret service, but Jaebum's unmistakable voice floats through the haze, commanding him to wake up.
"No," Jinyoung groans, keeping his eyes closed. He still can't quite shake off the fuzzy sensation around his mind, but he refuses to let go in principle. "I'm not getting up at ass o'clock in the morning just to have brunch with my mom."
Jaebum settles for clambering over his back and draping himself along the curve of Jinyoung's spine, fingers digging into Jinyoung's sides. Jinyoung makes an unhappy sound, and he can feel Jaebum's lips twitch into a smile as he noses at his ear.
"She knew you'd say that," says Jaebum, huffing. "It's why she explicitly asked me to kick you out of bed if necessary."
The feeling of Jaebum's thighs braced around his waist is distracting, but Jinyoung counts to three and focuses on his mother. "You wouldn't," says Jinyoung, appalled.
Jaebum's eyelashes ghost over the side of his face, a butterfly kiss that makes Jinyoung shiver and curse his traitorous body. "Your mother is scary and I value my life," says Jaebum, "so yes, I would. I really, really would."
Two years later and Jaebum indulges Jinyoung's family more than he does Jinyoung. Jinyoung sulks and reaches behind to bat at Jaebum, but it's futile, at best. Jaebum presses a tiny kiss at the corner of his mouth in appeasement, half an apology, half a promise. Jinyoung's pout doesn't waver at all. "You're as bossy as my sisters," Jinyoung mutters.
"Aren't you glad I'm not your sister?" Jaebum asks. His fingers scrabble at Jinyoung's hip, and dip lower. Jinyoung hides his face into a pillow and gasps. Jaebum proceeds to ruin the moment by talking about his family some more, god. "Speaking of sisters, they're asking me to babysit on Friday. Do you wanna tag along?"
"I'll make sure to find some last-minute projects to keep me occupied," Jinyoung hazards, already kissing any hope of a morning quickie goodbye with how quickly his erection is deflating from any and all thoughts of his sisters' spawns, all bright-eyed and innocent and still blinded to the fact that Jaebum isn't necessarily just a house pet to play tag with, nope. More like, manhunt with less clothes and actual hiding..
"But Jireongie," Jaebum teases, "they already think I'm their uncle and not you."
Jinyoung snorts. "Tail and all?" He asks, skeptically, gesturing at the appendage lazily lifted in the air.
"Tail and all," Jaebum affirms. It lasts a full five seconds before he ends up cracking himself up, and he winds up curled up in a fetal position as he tries to recover from his laughing fit. Jinyoung rolls his eyes and pushes himself off of the mattress, jabbing at Jaebum's shoulder.
"You're a dork," Jinyoung says. An incredibly exasperating dork with a nice pair of arms and a nicer smile to boot. He wrestles the blanket away from Jaebum and wraps it around his waist to keep the cool air from freezing his bits before he can find the mercy of the water heater.
"I know," says Jaebum, fondly patting Jinyoung's ass. "Now go take a shower before I'm tempted to come after you."
Jinyoung scoffs, but he manages not to trip on his feet as he climbs out of bed. The blanket makes it awkward to retain some semblance of dignity, but from the considering expression on Jaebum's narrow-eyed stare, he definitely needs all the covering up he can get. "How indecent."
Jaebum makes a sound of assent, and he tugs Jinyoung back with a tail wrapped around his wrist. "You love me," he reminds him, ears twitching in anticipation. Jinyoung gives it about three seconds before he gives in and touches a grey-tipped ear, smiling.
"Yeah," says Jinyoung. "Yeah, I really do."
one | part two