I HAD TOO MUCH TO DREAM LAST NIGHT (“HARRY POTTER AND THE VOODOO ZOMBIES” EDITION)

Dec 09, 2014 10:59

I am in Disco Bay. It is the middle of the night, and for some reason I am trying to run an extension cord across the road. There are electrical plugs here and there embedded in the sidewalk. I plug the cord into one, then extend it across the road to the other side. I can’t remember what the cord is for, but when I plug it in, a red LED grid lights up on the ground, sort of like a Tron playing grid.

A mini-van drives by and runs over the cord. No damage, but the driver stops, gets out and tells me I can’t use those plugs. I am hustled into the van, at which point I either become Harry Potter, or start watching a film in which I have been playing him.

I switch to the audience POV and watch as Harry wonders why he’s in trouble. He notices there are other people in the van with him, who have also been rounded up for some reason. At that point, he realizes he’s lost not only the device he was trying to plug in, but also his wand. He figures he must have left them where he was picked up, and he starts thinking of a way to escape and get back.

Suddenly the van zaps through time and space and arrives in what looks like downtown Bangkok. Harry and the other wizards are brought to a place called the Bilderberg Hotel. The “hotel room” is more like a converted garage on the ground floor. A sign indicates that there is a Wendy’s in the lobby, but it actually looks like any run-down outdoor food court. The menu is only burgers - the fries and onion rings are complementary and sit in big bowls on the table alongside tubs of ketchup and sweet chili sauce.

As Harry gets something to eat, he sees a large Trinitron screen across the street. It starts broadcasting news that wizards are being picked up everywhere, and are unable to defend themselves because their wands have been stolen. Wizards are also reporting that at least one other item of theirs went missing as well - something small but of personal value.

Harry then realizes what has happened: someone has managed to simultaneously steal the wands of every wizard in England. Moreover, the same person has stolen a personal item from each of them - which means the wizards can all be controlled by remote. It’s a form of voodoo magic that hasn’t been practiced for hundreds of years - magic that the Ministry had thought was forgotten and lost. It looks like someone has discovered its existence and learned how to use it.

And then I woke up.

Voodoo you,

This is dF

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pop culture will eat itself, dream baby

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