THE TWILIGHT SAGA ZONE, PART 5: VAMPIRE ORIENTATION 101
Breaking Dawn Part 2
Four movies later, the saga FINALLY kicks into gear.
It's first gear, granted. But a gear's a gear.
Bella is now a vampire, which means at least an hour’s worth of vampire orientation as she explores her new powers (including SPARKLE!). Also, she eats a mountain lion. (Poor mountain lion.)
Meanwhile, the Vampire King (starring Michael Sheen, who was once a werewolf in a better film series, ironically) is displeased because he thinks Edward & Bella’s vampire/human mutant child is pure vampire, which is illegal in the vampire kingdom because vampire children are basically impossible to control and mayhem usually follows - like human children, really, but permanently, and with a much higher casualty rate. And God forbid anyone should get hurt in this series.
And so the Cullens collect an army, and suddenly we discover vampires are not only super-strong and fast but also have superhero powers (like the X-Men!), and everything builds up for a big fight at the end between the vampire king and the Cullens (plus werewolves)!
Only there’s NOT, thanks to a major copout ending that completely wrecks the train (which is saying something considering the entire series is one long train wreck), yet one that is somehow appropriate for a franchise in which not one single major character dies (unless you count Bella, doesn’t die so much as un-dies so she can be a sparkle-vampire).
And we’re done.
Apart from the wrap-up commentary, which you can read tomorrow.
Let’s have a war,
This is dF
This entry was originally posted at http://defrog.dreamwidth.org/1434938.html. Please comment there using OpenID.
Four movies later, the saga FINALLY kicks into gear.
It's first gear, granted. But a gear's a gear.
Bella is now a vampire, which means at least an hour’s worth of vampire orientation as she explores her new powers (including SPARKLE!). Also, she eats a mountain lion. (Poor mountain lion.)
Meanwhile, the Vampire King (starring Michael Sheen, who was once a werewolf in a better film series, ironically) is displeased because he thinks Edward & Bella’s vampire/human mutant child is pure vampire, which is illegal in the vampire kingdom because vampire children are basically impossible to control and mayhem usually follows - like human children, really, but permanently, and with a much higher casualty rate. And God forbid anyone should get hurt in this series.
And so the Cullens collect an army, and suddenly we discover vampires are not only super-strong and fast but also have superhero powers (like the X-Men!), and everything builds up for a big fight at the end between the vampire king and the Cullens (plus werewolves)!
Only there’s NOT, thanks to a major copout ending that completely wrecks the train (which is saying something considering the entire series is one long train wreck), yet one that is somehow appropriate for a franchise in which not one single major character dies (unless you count Bella, doesn’t die so much as un-dies so she can be a sparkle-vampire).
And we’re done.
Apart from the wrap-up commentary, which you can read tomorrow.
Let’s have a war,
This is dF
This entry was originally posted at http://defrog.dreamwidth.org/1434938.html. Please comment there using OpenID.