From the Inner Circle of my Deepest, Darkest Hell
Yeah, I think that about sums it up. My life feels like it is falling apart and I don't know if I can explain the reasoning behind it. I mean, I have a good job. I finally have a decent car. I should be able to go out and have fun, right? Unfortunately, not.
Part of the problem is my anti-social boyfriend who get antsy at the idea of going anywhere that there are a lot of people. So, no clubs, no bars, no nothing. For those of you that happen upon this and don't know me, I am a party person. I like to go out dancing and partying and just having a good time in general. I think I have been to a bar/club once since we've been dating, and we've been dating over a year. It's starting to bother me a lot. He's extremely emotional (which most girls would see as a definate plus) and it's been getting to me lately. He gets upset when I ask him what he wants to do, and usually says "There's nothing to do." By that point, you can here the anxiety and frustration in his voice. He was tearing up the other day and said he didn't know why (I think he just didn't want to tell me.) We seem to be fighting more and more lately, and not wanting to see each other as much. I want to just break up with him (God that sounds so high school) but, I don't know if I can. I think it would break something inside of him. I am the first real serious girlfriend he has ever had. I think, in some ways, that's scarier than the thought of dating a virgin. Strange, but true. He has had girlfriends, but nothing serious. I just don't get it. I am usually better at these kinds of things. I also seem to be falling into a depression of sorts. I can't explain that either. I just want to get away and be alone, and I never seem to manage it. And, I am having dreams again, recurring dreams, and some that seem linked, running from one to the next, like episodes of a TV drama. Asher has been in them more frequently again, too. I can't explain that part either. Nor can I get in touch with him, which doesn't exactly suprise me. He never was easy to get in touch with. Then, there is the other male from my past that keeps coming to my mind. Joey. Yeah, that ex. The one I refer to as my favorite. I talked to him on the phone the other day for the first time in a long. Granted, I called him first with concern of another friend, but I never imagined he would call me back and keep me on the phone for a half hour. Talking to him brought up the whole, "yeah, I still want him" feelings. Not good. Not good at all. It all leaves me drowning in my own emotional shit, unable to dig fast enough. Anyone wanna pick up a shovel and help? I could use a hand on this one...
Angel
Oh yeah, and it snowed last night (er, Saturday night/Sunday morning). Can you believe it, snow, in April, in SC. Just too weird I tell ya.
Part of the problem is my anti-social boyfriend who get antsy at the idea of going anywhere that there are a lot of people. So, no clubs, no bars, no nothing. For those of you that happen upon this and don't know me, I am a party person. I like to go out dancing and partying and just having a good time in general. I think I have been to a bar/club once since we've been dating, and we've been dating over a year. It's starting to bother me a lot. He's extremely emotional (which most girls would see as a definate plus) and it's been getting to me lately. He gets upset when I ask him what he wants to do, and usually says "There's nothing to do." By that point, you can here the anxiety and frustration in his voice. He was tearing up the other day and said he didn't know why (I think he just didn't want to tell me.) We seem to be fighting more and more lately, and not wanting to see each other as much. I want to just break up with him (God that sounds so high school) but, I don't know if I can. I think it would break something inside of him. I am the first real serious girlfriend he has ever had. I think, in some ways, that's scarier than the thought of dating a virgin. Strange, but true. He has had girlfriends, but nothing serious. I just don't get it. I am usually better at these kinds of things. I also seem to be falling into a depression of sorts. I can't explain that either. I just want to get away and be alone, and I never seem to manage it. And, I am having dreams again, recurring dreams, and some that seem linked, running from one to the next, like episodes of a TV drama. Asher has been in them more frequently again, too. I can't explain that part either. Nor can I get in touch with him, which doesn't exactly suprise me. He never was easy to get in touch with. Then, there is the other male from my past that keeps coming to my mind. Joey. Yeah, that ex. The one I refer to as my favorite. I talked to him on the phone the other day for the first time in a long. Granted, I called him first with concern of another friend, but I never imagined he would call me back and keep me on the phone for a half hour. Talking to him brought up the whole, "yeah, I still want him" feelings. Not good. Not good at all. It all leaves me drowning in my own emotional shit, unable to dig fast enough. Anyone wanna pick up a shovel and help? I could use a hand on this one...
Angel
Oh yeah, and it snowed last night (er, Saturday night/Sunday morning). Can you believe it, snow, in April, in SC. Just too weird I tell ya.