internal sleepiness i can't shake today
My thoughts keep going in messy lines with little pieces of clarity every once in a while. I keep thinking I will grab on to one of these things that seems to make me believe I have put something into words that was just feelings without ideas behind it yet. It makes me feel less ill or a little bit more reasonable when words can appear to solve a puzzle of emotions. Isn't that why writing is an art medium?
what I thought of a minute ago is that we all want someone to like us. A good deal of people have a hard time existing without knowing there is a special someone out there thinking about them all the time. I don't want to be dependent on this. I hate this. Also, it is frustrating because I want to find someone who understands what I am talking about, but most of the fucking time I don't even understand so what difference does it make?
I just want to sleep forever.
I don't want to impact the world, there is no point to me doing things.
Everything I do is all the way there or it is nothing. I will get an "A" in the class, or I will skip constantly and purposely not do the homework. I will do every job in my place of employment I can and be smiley and hardworking every minute of it, or I will not work for months. I will have a meticulously organized closet or clothes all over every area of my bedroom possible. Black and White, Black or white, chartreuse or algae, one way or the complete dismisal that anything could happen ever. I have been told the further a person is this way, the more insane they are, which makes sense. It is not so much about being a "perfectionist" (man I hate that word) as it is about being there or not. me, doing something is not about being perfect but being a wild and functioning version of myself. What I really wanted to get to is that these traits crossover to relationships in my life . You are my heartfelt friend who I adore and hold in very high regard or I don't really know how to speak to you. Same for romantic feelings.
what I thought of a minute ago is that we all want someone to like us. A good deal of people have a hard time existing without knowing there is a special someone out there thinking about them all the time. I don't want to be dependent on this. I hate this. Also, it is frustrating because I want to find someone who understands what I am talking about, but most of the fucking time I don't even understand so what difference does it make?
I just want to sleep forever.
I don't want to impact the world, there is no point to me doing things.
Everything I do is all the way there or it is nothing. I will get an "A" in the class, or I will skip constantly and purposely not do the homework. I will do every job in my place of employment I can and be smiley and hardworking every minute of it, or I will not work for months. I will have a meticulously organized closet or clothes all over every area of my bedroom possible. Black and White, Black or white, chartreuse or algae, one way or the complete dismisal that anything could happen ever. I have been told the further a person is this way, the more insane they are, which makes sense. It is not so much about being a "perfectionist" (man I hate that word) as it is about being there or not. me, doing something is not about being perfect but being a wild and functioning version of myself. What I really wanted to get to is that these traits crossover to relationships in my life . You are my heartfelt friend who I adore and hold in very high regard or I don't really know how to speak to you. Same for romantic feelings.