you remind me of the times when i knew who i was
i am in an incredibly good mood! i can't update on WHY quite yet...but yeah...things are DEFINETELY looking up!
lauren, jes, me, and one extra person that i don't think i should mention quite yet are trying to get an apartment in humble. w00t w00t! us 3 girls and andrew (good friend in town from new york) went and looked at it today (well technically yesterday since it's 5:25 in the morning!). we all really liked it! i hope our 4th roomy will like it too! i think he will :-D we still have some details to work out about it though. my only thought that i'm scared about is that the 3 girls won't have jobs in time. we are all working on it very diligently (sp?) though!
moving on...
IT'S CHRISTMAS EVE AND CHRISTMAS IS TOMORROW!!! (hence today being the EVE-haha!) i'm not usually so excited about Christmas. My past 2 years on Christmas day have been HELL. but this time i won't have to spend the night in my parents house fighting w/ them so it'll be ok i hope! lauren's family does the whole present ordeal in the morning, so i'll be here for that and then go to my house for lunch and hopefully be back here for dinner! man...i think the only reason i got through the past 2 years was b/c of braden. i don't know what i'd do w/out that boy! i'm really sad he is in odessa right now...but he needs to be. i can't wait until he gets back! i get to see him and that's gonna be fun! we have to give each other our gifts and we're gonna get pizza and shit b/c lauren is weird (I LOVE YOU!) and doesn't eat pizza. so braden is like my pizza buddy. we like the same stuff, so it's all good! i think we're gonna watch some random movies too...i'm not sure. we'll see when he gets here! lauren, her little sister amanda, and i are having a movie night tonight so we can stay up all night and "see santa". lol...right...santa. i'm REALLY glad there isn't actually a santa claus! i would NEVER get presents! i'd always be on the bad list. lol.
next subjext...
jes got kicked outta her house earlier when she told her mom that she was moving out w/ me and lauren into an apartment. her mom and step dad are such bitches. it's not just b/c they kicked her out...it's b/c of how things happened. they wouldn't even let her say bye to her little 6 year old brother! how messed up is that?! and that's prolly like a 2 out of 10 on the bad things they did scale. it's bad to say...but i think it's a good thing that jes' mom had a miscarriage a few months back. that child would have a HORRIBLE life b/c her parents are so shitty! that means a lot coming from me too b/c my parents are pretty bad (PENTECOSTAL is prolly all i really have to say...well mostly about my dad) but jes' are WAY worse! my parents are actually alright now that i don't live at home. Christmas day will be the first time i will talk to or see my dad since i moved out. it's some crazy stuff. i haven't done that on purpose...but we hardly talked when i lived there...and when we did...it was pretty much just him yelling at me for just being me. gay, right? oh well...i'm okay now :-) i've got great friends that have gotten me through everything! (LAUREN, JES, BRADEN~I LOVE YOU ALL!)
i read a book! lol. it was a joan lowery nixon book though. i LOVE her! she's a great author! the kind of books she writes are the only ones i can really read. they interest me and i get really into them! i can hardly put them down until i finish them! i started this one (the kidnapping of christina latimore) last night and finished it by tonight. i really liked it. i sorta predicted the ending...but not really. it kept goin back and forth, so i got confused. but then again...when am i NOT confused?! lol. i'm a dumb blonde at heart sometimes. actually my hair is brown...well right now it's strawberry blonde. lol! my parents don't know i dyed my hair w/ a permanent color so this should be a lil bit of a surprise to them. i'm gonna be really sad if some sort of fight starts over this. oh well. i wouldn't be too surprised. b/c of my dad...i didn't even get my ears pierced until the summer before my senior year. and they totally shit bricks over me wanting to dye my hair semi-permanently for 'you're a good man, charlie brown'. oh well...they'll get over it. they're finally realizing that i really am 18 and i am making my own decisions. it's my life...not theirs. it never was theirs. yes i have the same blood type as my mother and dna from both of them...but my sister pretty much raised me until i was like 8 (she's 10 years older than me)...and then from then on...it was pretty much just me. i mean sure they provided for me and everything...but only in a worldly sense. who i am is who I am...not who they are. i'm not resentful towards my parents or anything for bad parenting b/c they didn't know any better...but i had a sucky childhood. i hardly even had a childhood. i didn't go out to "play" very much as a child. little girls were supposed to be prissy and proper is what it seemed like my parents thought. i'm not sure if i actually remember this memory...or i think i do b/c i was told about it a lot...but one time when i was like 3 or 4...my mom put me in a frilly dress for the day and i wanted to go play outside so i walked out and played in the mud in this really really frilly/nice/pentecostal kid dress and i got in major trouble. sad, huh? my parents weren't around too much when i was really young. b/c of my dad's job at that time...he'd be gone before i got up and i'd be in bed by the time he got home...my mom was very involved w/ the church...and also b/c of my dad's job...they traveled a lot and left my sister and i at home and a family member would come stay w/ us...or we got shipped over to church peoples houses. i tried to rebel SO much when i was younger. i really do remember this one thing..when i was 4..my sister was dressing me and she put me in wranglers and boots. (i wasn't raised pentecostal since i was like 2 or 3...but we still went to that church for a long time...and now we're back at it but it's different...yeah that's another story in itself!) anywho...she turned around to get my shirt and i jumped off the bed and ran into her room...got her cowboy hat and ran through the house saying "lookie lookie! i'm a cowboy! wheeeee *as i ride my pretend horse through the house*" and i meant cowBOY. i didn't wanna be a girl when i was that age. lol. so yeah...i got sent to my room a for looooong time after that. i think we had company over or something. i can't remember if i got spanked or not. oh well. yeah my parents DEFINETELY believed in spanking! i don't. i don't believe you should ever hit a child. it's just not right and it makes the child resentful toward the parent which in turn makes them rebel even MORE. the only time a child should be "hit" is when they're hitting you and you do it to teach them basicaly *i know...my logic sounds weird on here...but it makes sense!* and even then...you don't HIT...it should be a tap or something so it doesn't actually cause any physical pain. time out is a good thing! oh wow...i just realized how much i've been rambling about nonsense that none of you really care about! DANG! sorry kids! oh well...i guess this will give you a little insight into who i am? if you really wanna know who i am and you don't already...gimme a call or something and we'll chat. i'm good at talking! in case ya haven't noticed from this post...lol.
did i say i was leaving? if not..i am now! bye bye!
.:~*TinK*~:.
I'M GETTING A GIRL KITTEN AND NAMING HER TINK! lol...it's already planned b/c my friend alex has four little kittens that he had NO clue what to do w/ and he'd rather them go to people he KNOWS. so yeah...YAY! this will be the first cat of MINE that will live w/ me! braden and i got this one cat...and he lost it...and then we got another one that he still has and that one had kittens...they only kept one though. i was always sad b/c my mom doesn't like cats and wouldn't let me have one. oh well...he takes good care of our "babies" lol. hey braden--button button! BUTTONS?! **sobs**BUUUUTTTTOOOONNNS!!!! lol...wow...good times, good times. oh yeah...i said i was going. hehe. OOPS!
here are the lyrics to the song i'm listening to...
As years go by
I race the clock with you
But if you died right now
You know that I'd die to
I'd die too
You remind me of the times
When I knew who I was (I was)
But still the second hand will catch us
Like it always does
Until the day I die (Until the day I die)
I'll spill my heart for you
Until the day I die (Until the day I die)
I'll spill my heart for you
Should I bite my tongue?
Until blood soaks my shirt
We'll never fall apart
Tell me why this hurts so much
My hands are at your throat
And I think I hate you
But still we'll say, "remember when"
Just like we always do
Until the day I die (Until the day I die)
I'll spill my heart for you
Until the day I die (Until the day I die)
I'll spill my heart for you
Yeah I'd spill my heart!!!
Yeah I'd spill my heart for you!!!
My hands are at your throat
And I think I hate you
We made the same mistakes
Mistakes like friends do
My hands are at your throat
And I think I hate you
We made the same mistakes
Do you need this as bad as I do? (Until the day I die)
And do you need this as bad as I do? (Until the day I die)
Yeah do you need this as bad as I do? (Until the day I die)
Yeah do you need this as bad as I do, as I do? (Until the day I die)
yeah...i like this song and band. this song is making me think of braden kinda. parts of it anyway. so yeah...i'm gone...
I LOVE YOU ALL! especially if you actually read all the way down to here! lol! **muah** to my loyal lj readers! hehe. kthxbye!
-x-ladonis rae-x-
lauren, jes, me, and one extra person that i don't think i should mention quite yet are trying to get an apartment in humble. w00t w00t! us 3 girls and andrew (good friend in town from new york) went and looked at it today (well technically yesterday since it's 5:25 in the morning!). we all really liked it! i hope our 4th roomy will like it too! i think he will :-D we still have some details to work out about it though. my only thought that i'm scared about is that the 3 girls won't have jobs in time. we are all working on it very diligently (sp?) though!
moving on...
IT'S CHRISTMAS EVE AND CHRISTMAS IS TOMORROW!!! (hence today being the EVE-haha!) i'm not usually so excited about Christmas. My past 2 years on Christmas day have been HELL. but this time i won't have to spend the night in my parents house fighting w/ them so it'll be ok i hope! lauren's family does the whole present ordeal in the morning, so i'll be here for that and then go to my house for lunch and hopefully be back here for dinner! man...i think the only reason i got through the past 2 years was b/c of braden. i don't know what i'd do w/out that boy! i'm really sad he is in odessa right now...but he needs to be. i can't wait until he gets back! i get to see him and that's gonna be fun! we have to give each other our gifts and we're gonna get pizza and shit b/c lauren is weird (I LOVE YOU!) and doesn't eat pizza. so braden is like my pizza buddy. we like the same stuff, so it's all good! i think we're gonna watch some random movies too...i'm not sure. we'll see when he gets here! lauren, her little sister amanda, and i are having a movie night tonight so we can stay up all night and "see santa". lol...right...santa. i'm REALLY glad there isn't actually a santa claus! i would NEVER get presents! i'd always be on the bad list. lol.
next subjext...
jes got kicked outta her house earlier when she told her mom that she was moving out w/ me and lauren into an apartment. her mom and step dad are such bitches. it's not just b/c they kicked her out...it's b/c of how things happened. they wouldn't even let her say bye to her little 6 year old brother! how messed up is that?! and that's prolly like a 2 out of 10 on the bad things they did scale. it's bad to say...but i think it's a good thing that jes' mom had a miscarriage a few months back. that child would have a HORRIBLE life b/c her parents are so shitty! that means a lot coming from me too b/c my parents are pretty bad (PENTECOSTAL is prolly all i really have to say...well mostly about my dad) but jes' are WAY worse! my parents are actually alright now that i don't live at home. Christmas day will be the first time i will talk to or see my dad since i moved out. it's some crazy stuff. i haven't done that on purpose...but we hardly talked when i lived there...and when we did...it was pretty much just him yelling at me for just being me. gay, right? oh well...i'm okay now :-) i've got great friends that have gotten me through everything! (LAUREN, JES, BRADEN~I LOVE YOU ALL!)
i read a book! lol. it was a joan lowery nixon book though. i LOVE her! she's a great author! the kind of books she writes are the only ones i can really read. they interest me and i get really into them! i can hardly put them down until i finish them! i started this one (the kidnapping of christina latimore) last night and finished it by tonight. i really liked it. i sorta predicted the ending...but not really. it kept goin back and forth, so i got confused. but then again...when am i NOT confused?! lol. i'm a dumb blonde at heart sometimes. actually my hair is brown...well right now it's strawberry blonde. lol! my parents don't know i dyed my hair w/ a permanent color so this should be a lil bit of a surprise to them. i'm gonna be really sad if some sort of fight starts over this. oh well. i wouldn't be too surprised. b/c of my dad...i didn't even get my ears pierced until the summer before my senior year. and they totally shit bricks over me wanting to dye my hair semi-permanently for 'you're a good man, charlie brown'. oh well...they'll get over it. they're finally realizing that i really am 18 and i am making my own decisions. it's my life...not theirs. it never was theirs. yes i have the same blood type as my mother and dna from both of them...but my sister pretty much raised me until i was like 8 (she's 10 years older than me)...and then from then on...it was pretty much just me. i mean sure they provided for me and everything...but only in a worldly sense. who i am is who I am...not who they are. i'm not resentful towards my parents or anything for bad parenting b/c they didn't know any better...but i had a sucky childhood. i hardly even had a childhood. i didn't go out to "play" very much as a child. little girls were supposed to be prissy and proper is what it seemed like my parents thought. i'm not sure if i actually remember this memory...or i think i do b/c i was told about it a lot...but one time when i was like 3 or 4...my mom put me in a frilly dress for the day and i wanted to go play outside so i walked out and played in the mud in this really really frilly/nice/pentecostal kid dress and i got in major trouble. sad, huh? my parents weren't around too much when i was really young. b/c of my dad's job at that time...he'd be gone before i got up and i'd be in bed by the time he got home...my mom was very involved w/ the church...and also b/c of my dad's job...they traveled a lot and left my sister and i at home and a family member would come stay w/ us...or we got shipped over to church peoples houses. i tried to rebel SO much when i was younger. i really do remember this one thing..when i was 4..my sister was dressing me and she put me in wranglers and boots. (i wasn't raised pentecostal since i was like 2 or 3...but we still went to that church for a long time...and now we're back at it but it's different...yeah that's another story in itself!) anywho...she turned around to get my shirt and i jumped off the bed and ran into her room...got her cowboy hat and ran through the house saying "lookie lookie! i'm a cowboy! wheeeee *as i ride my pretend horse through the house*" and i meant cowBOY. i didn't wanna be a girl when i was that age. lol. so yeah...i got sent to my room a for looooong time after that. i think we had company over or something. i can't remember if i got spanked or not. oh well. yeah my parents DEFINETELY believed in spanking! i don't. i don't believe you should ever hit a child. it's just not right and it makes the child resentful toward the parent which in turn makes them rebel even MORE. the only time a child should be "hit" is when they're hitting you and you do it to teach them basicaly *i know...my logic sounds weird on here...but it makes sense!* and even then...you don't HIT...it should be a tap or something so it doesn't actually cause any physical pain. time out is a good thing! oh wow...i just realized how much i've been rambling about nonsense that none of you really care about! DANG! sorry kids! oh well...i guess this will give you a little insight into who i am? if you really wanna know who i am and you don't already...gimme a call or something and we'll chat. i'm good at talking! in case ya haven't noticed from this post...lol.
did i say i was leaving? if not..i am now! bye bye!
.:~*TinK*~:.
I'M GETTING A GIRL KITTEN AND NAMING HER TINK! lol...it's already planned b/c my friend alex has four little kittens that he had NO clue what to do w/ and he'd rather them go to people he KNOWS. so yeah...YAY! this will be the first cat of MINE that will live w/ me! braden and i got this one cat...and he lost it...and then we got another one that he still has and that one had kittens...they only kept one though. i was always sad b/c my mom doesn't like cats and wouldn't let me have one. oh well...he takes good care of our "babies" lol. hey braden--button button! BUTTONS?! **sobs**BUUUUTTTTOOOONNNS!!!! lol...wow...good times, good times. oh yeah...i said i was going. hehe. OOPS!
here are the lyrics to the song i'm listening to...
As years go by
I race the clock with you
But if you died right now
You know that I'd die to
I'd die too
You remind me of the times
When I knew who I was (I was)
But still the second hand will catch us
Like it always does
Until the day I die (Until the day I die)
I'll spill my heart for you
Until the day I die (Until the day I die)
I'll spill my heart for you
Should I bite my tongue?
Until blood soaks my shirt
We'll never fall apart
Tell me why this hurts so much
My hands are at your throat
And I think I hate you
But still we'll say, "remember when"
Just like we always do
Until the day I die (Until the day I die)
I'll spill my heart for you
Until the day I die (Until the day I die)
I'll spill my heart for you
Yeah I'd spill my heart!!!
Yeah I'd spill my heart for you!!!
My hands are at your throat
And I think I hate you
We made the same mistakes
Mistakes like friends do
My hands are at your throat
And I think I hate you
We made the same mistakes
Do you need this as bad as I do? (Until the day I die)
And do you need this as bad as I do? (Until the day I die)
Yeah do you need this as bad as I do? (Until the day I die)
Yeah do you need this as bad as I do, as I do? (Until the day I die)
yeah...i like this song and band. this song is making me think of braden kinda. parts of it anyway. so yeah...i'm gone...
I LOVE YOU ALL! especially if you actually read all the way down to here! lol! **muah** to my loyal lj readers! hehe. kthxbye!
-x-ladonis rae-x-