i'll be love's suicide

[deerae]

not too much has changed in my life. i'm still living at laurens and i'm not moving to colorado anymore! that's exciting, right?! heh. sure, why not? i'm still spending a lot of time over at amon's...but that's mostly b/c steven pretty much lives there. i mean...i luv amon to death...but he's hardly there lately. lotta crap goin down in his life. ethan mooney is in town:) w00t w00t! he's coming to pick me up later and we're gonna go to grace (our church). i miss this boy SO much! he's such an amazing friend. always there when i need him. i couldn't possibly ask for anything else out of a friend. hehehe...steven's mommy goes to my church. he said she goes on wednesday's...so i'm gonna go find her tonight. i've only met her once..but i think i remember what she looks like. i know her last name now though, so if i don't see her...i'll ask one of the hostess' if they know who she is. i'm a sneaky lil girl! hehe. not really b/c steven knows i'm gonna go talk to her. he's a lil paranoid about what i'm gonna say though. lol. i'll be nice! i got to spend a lot of time w/ steven last night! from like 6 p.m.-4 a.m. it was SO fun!:) he was asleep when i first got there b/c he hadn't been to sleep for like 4 days. silly boy. there were reasons for that though. lol. bad reasons...but reasons none the less. then we just hung out for a while and talked and watched t.v. and listened to music. like 30 minutes after i got there, j asked me to walk w/ her to the coke machines...so i did, and steven went and took a shower. bwahahahahaaaa. lol. we got back and he was just gettin out. i had to blow my nose, so i went in there and all j had to say was to keep my clothes on. lol. I DID! i just went in, said hi, blew my nose, and then said bye. hehe. he looked hot again. OMGosh. stupid boy pierced his own ears 2 nights ago. 2 in one ear, 1 in the other. he had to take the 1 out though b/c it was messed up and hurting. he's such a dork. he pierced his own nipple a long time ago, so he said if he could do that...he definetely wouldn't hurt himself doin his ears. he's gonna train at fine lines on loop 494 to do piercings...then he's gonna pierce my belly button. the guy there that did his tatoo said it would take like a month to do intensive training, and then he'd let him do a little bit, and then after another month of practice, he could work there. i'm so proud of him. anywho..back to what happened yesterday. after he came outta the shower, we sat around for a little while longer until ryan got back from taking his friend home. then ryan and steven drove to mcdonalds. steven bought me food. lol. i swear that boy is trying to make me fat! like that could happen! lol. well, after we ate, other people came over...more being stupid...then amon and a couple other people came...craziness...then lauren got there:) everyone left cept me, steven, lauren, ryan, and j...but she was asleep. we started a movie, but then steven and i went into the other room...NOTHING HAPPENED! DIRTY MINDS! we just talked. well there was kissing...but mostly talking! like 20 minutes after we left the room, lauren and ryan started making out! lol. she told me when we left and i was like HOLY CRAP! GO LAUREN! he's hott..and really sweet...so i think she should go for it! yeah that was the basics of last night. not very eventful...but still fun! anytime i get to be w/ steven is fun though. he's going to see sarah on friday :/ i'm a little nervous about that...but i can't be hypocritical and ask him not to go b/c i do still see braden sometimes. and plus...i'm going to my friends 21st bday party on friday! THAT'S GONNA BE FUN! hehehe. i just had to promise steven that if i drank, i'd be extremely careful and come see him afterwards. so after the party, i'm gonna go spend the night at amons. i really miss braden :/ we haven't been talking too much lately...haven't talked at all today. i'm really happy for him right now though. he's dating this brittany girl at his school. she's cute and she seems nice from what i know of her, so it's cool. as long as she treats him well, i'm cool w/ her. he seems to be really happy and that's all that matters. i feel like i'm losing him though. it's like he's slowly disappearing from my life and i don't like that. ::tear:: i'm still pondering on thoughts about braden right now, so i can't say too much about that situation. well i'm gonna go. i have to shower and get ready for CHURCH! w00h00!

~*~with unrequited love~*~

-x-ladonis rae-x-