My real, paper weight journal
(not edited) I wrote:
12/3/04
I had to talk to Bryan, it was hard not to in the state I'm in... 1 hour and 33 minutes later I had to go so I could sleep...
::sighs:: I want to drop kick Lanier... I can't believe him, pushing me away... acting like I mean nothing, nothing at all!
I'm not white trash, I'm not something you just throw away... one day he'll see... but for now I suffer with a broken heart, soul, and mind....
How dare he cast me aside from everyone else... I hate you sometimes Lanier, HATE YOU... go to hell with your silly ways...
Bryan I'm sorry for ever dening you, I'm sorry my parents forced you away to where you had to move on, I'm sorry I ever doubted the love you gave me to compare to everyone else... I'm sorry I wasn't enough for you so you chose to cheat on me... twice...
Things are different now... Much different, I grew up in a relationship with you, I bet like Florida, I'll die as well here and with you... But with your cancer I'm scared to loose you like before but now to a disease? It's a scary thought and lossing Lanier has left me weak and brittle... I need my life back, I need my love back, I need... you... ::sighs:: I wish things could be different...
12/3/04
I had to talk to Bryan, it was hard not to in the state I'm in... 1 hour and 33 minutes later I had to go so I could sleep...
::sighs:: I want to drop kick Lanier... I can't believe him, pushing me away... acting like I mean nothing, nothing at all!
I'm not white trash, I'm not something you just throw away... one day he'll see... but for now I suffer with a broken heart, soul, and mind....
How dare he cast me aside from everyone else... I hate you sometimes Lanier, HATE YOU... go to hell with your silly ways...
Bryan I'm sorry for ever dening you, I'm sorry my parents forced you away to where you had to move on, I'm sorry I ever doubted the love you gave me to compare to everyone else... I'm sorry I wasn't enough for you so you chose to cheat on me... twice...
Things are different now... Much different, I grew up in a relationship with you, I bet like Florida, I'll die as well here and with you... But with your cancer I'm scared to loose you like before but now to a disease? It's a scary thought and lossing Lanier has left me weak and brittle... I need my life back, I need my love back, I need... you... ::sighs:: I wish things could be different...