No Law - Chapter Eight: What Followed
Title: No Law
Pairings: Arthur/Merlin, Arthur/Gwen, Arthur/Gwen/Merlin
Rating: R
Summary: It was a silly thing. Just a wine stain on a very white shirt removed by magical means. But now, Arthur knows about the magic, and everything is not quite as Merlin would have expected. Arthur is weirdly vulnerable and brilliant, Gaius is growing distant and mysterious and maybe a little bit insane, and Gwen knows exactly just where she wants her boys to be.
Or: The one where Arthur finds out about the magic, is angry about the lies but not at Merlin, and things keep changing. Also, fathers are a difficult thing to have.
Warning: Some intriguing sex (het, slash and threesome). Plotting Gaius is plotting. Goes AU somewhen in the hiatus between S4 and S5.
Disclaimer: The characters and concept of this version of the Arthurian legends belong to Shine and the BBC, not to me. I'm just playing with them.
Author's Note: Reply to this prompt on kinkme_merlin: http://kinkme-merlin.livejournal.com/33344.html?thread=34990656#t34990656
First Chapter:
Teaser: Where Gaius gets an unwelcome surprise and things start to get wonky
What Followed
“Merlin, you must listen to me. I truly believe that Arthur has become very dangerous …”
“No, I’m not listening. I don’t know what’s gotten into you, Gaius, or what happened when you and Arthur talked, but I won’t let you insult him like that. Or me for that matter.”
Gaius fell silent for a moment, chewing his lip, while Merlin, who was almost Emrys, stared down at him. He wasn’t aware of having stood up, but he was towering over Gaius now like a bringer of doom. The old man didn’t seem to notice the danger, though.
“I didn’t mean to offend you, Merlin, but you have to understand that I’m only concerned for your safety.”
“I do understand that. But your concern is unnecessary, why can’t you see that? Arthur has said he wouldn’t harm me, and he will keep his word. He always keeps his word.”
“Well, he told me that I wouldn’t be able to protect you from his wrath! What do you make of that, if your king is as good as his word? He told me that he never wanted to set eyes on you again and that I would be responsible for your end!”
Gaius seemed so sure of his words, so absolutely certain, but Merlin didn’t even blink. “I don’t believe it.”
“For gods’ sake, Merlin, it’s your life at stake here! Stop acting like a hero-worshipping child …”
“I’m not a child!”
“No, more like a love-struck fool who wouldn’t recognize …”
“E n o u g h ,” Emrys thundered. It silenced Gaius, finally. He looked up at the man looming over him, completely stunned. Emrys met his gaze with burning eyes.
“Do you really think me that weak-minded that I wouldn’t recognize a friend turning against me, Gaius? And do you really think me that meek that I would let that friend do me harm without lifting a finger? I once told Arthur that I could take him apart with less than one blow, and that still holds true.”
Gaius swallowed hard, but he didn’t flinch. “You would rather throw yourself onto the pyre than hurt a hair on his head,” he said, his voice barely wavering. The old man had grown a spine since they first met, Emrys had to admit that much, and he even put it to use if he deemed the stakes high enough.
“Maybe,” Emrys conceded. “For Arthur, yes. But not for the man you described. If such a man existed. Which he doesn’t. I have known Arthur for almost a decade, and I have judged him, and I have found him worthy. You will not convince me otherwise.”
“And you are prepared to risk your life for your convictions?”
Emrys gave a cold, breathy laugh. “I have done so since the day I came here, old man. I’ve never heard you object before.”
Now, Gaius did flinch. There might have been tears in his eyes.
“I would give my life for you,” he whispered. Emrys shrugged.
“I don’t need you to.”
He didn’t wait for an answer, just turned away and walked out of the room. He was almost through the door, when Gaius’s voice stopped him: “Merlin?”
He halted, but didn’t look back. “What?”
“Has Arthur thanked you yet?”
Emrys glanced over his shoulder. The old man looked scared but determined. He also looked a bit broken.
“Don’t do anything foolish while I’m gone, Gaius,” Emrys said, very softly. It might have been a warning. Maybe it was a threat. Emrys had yet to bother with the difference.
Then he left.
**
It took Merlin almost all the way back to Arthur’s chambers until his magic had settled. He could never quite tell what happened when Emrys came out, whether it was his magic manifesting itself or merely a part of himself taking over that he normally didn't want to acknowledge. All he knew was that he was dangerous when he was like that, but he had yet to find this a bad thing. Up until now, Emrys hadn’t done anything Merlin couldn’t agree with, not least because the both of them were completely of one mind where Arthur was concerned. Only where Merlin’s first thought was “protect”, Emrys tended more towards “smite”. Maybe they were two sides of the same coin, Merlin thought with a wry smile, because protecting Arthur was not always possible without smiting the ones meaning him harm. Although he would have never thought that Gaius …
Merlin shook his head. Nothing had happened. Emrys had done no true damage, and hopefully his mentor would come to his senses. Merlin still couldn’t believe some of the things that had come out of the old man’s mouth, but he didn’t want to think about it, not now that he was bone-tired after what might amount to the most important day of his life.
Arthur knew.
An echo of the elation he had felt earlier surged up again, and he smiled, this time without the wry-ness. Most likely, he would question Arthur sometime soon about what he had actually said to Gaius and why, but not tonight. At the moment, he didn’t even have it in him to feel the least bit upset at Arthur for making a mess of things. It should probably worry him, but Merlin decided to give them both a break for a change.
Having reached Arthur’s chambers, Merlin knocked perfunctorily and entered. The dimness that greeted him inside surprised him. Arthur had told him to come back, hadn’t he?
There came some rustling from the direction of the bed, and something dark and white rose out of the cushions from behind a still lump that had to be Arthur.
“Merlin?” Gwen’s sleepy voice asked. The queen was blinking into the light of the single candle that was burning beside the bed.
“Um …” Merlin said, feeling more uncomfortable than he ever had before when finding the two of them in bed together. He had thought he’d become essentially immune to the sight over the years. Maybe it was because he hadn’t been prepared for it this time. Like a love-struck fool, Gaius’s voice said in his head, and it sounded rather nasty.
“I can come back tomorrow morning?”
Gwen sat up straight at that. “Oh no, you don’t! You broke him, now you come here and fix him!”
It felt like someone had wrenched his heart upside down in his chest. His legs had carried him to Arthur’s side of the bed before his mind had truly processed what was happening.
“What? What’s going on?”
His king was lying there sleeping, and yet he seemed grey and drawn. The shadows dancing across his face looked like they were devouring him. Merlin heard Gwen sigh, but he didn’t take his eyes off Arthur.
“I’m sorry, Merlin. That was uncalled for. It’s not your fault.”
“What …” He cleared his throat, tried again: “What’s not my fault?”
Gwen’s lovely, elegant hand (it had always been a queen’s hand) entered his field of vision, her fingers running through Arthur’s hair carefully. “Did you talk to Gaius?”
“Yes. Do you know what happened between the two of them?”
“No. And I don’t care much at this point. Merlin, while you were gone, I was holding my husband in my arms, watching him fall apart.” Here voice was trembling, and Merlin managed to tear his eyes away from Arthur’s face to throw a look at her. It had been a long time since he had seen her that distressed. On a small hill in the middle of a forest perhaps, but possibly not even then. A tear ran down her cheek and she rubbed her nose against the back of her queenly hand in a very unqueenly manner.
“We broke him, Merlin, all of us did. And he wasn’t whole to begin with.”
Merlin’s fingers were clutching the bedlinnen. He was aching to touch Arthur, but he didn’t quite dare to. He listened to Gwen’s quiet sniffles and stared at his sleeping king, feeling helpless, scared and angry all at once. He had thought everything was fine when he left, more than fine! You have been wrong before. Do I need to remind you what happens when you are wrong?, the Gaius in his head said. Merlin’s hands clenched around the cloth he has holding.
“What can I do?”
“Don’t go,” Gwen answered immediately. “I don’t know what will happen if he wakes up and you’re not there.”
Merlin blinked. Then he swallowed because his throat had suddenly gone very dry. Right. Um …
“Alright. I’ll just fetch some stuff so that I can sleep on the floor …”
Gwen snorted. “Please. As if you two have never shared a bed before.”
Merlin just stared at her. Gwen stared back. Her brow wrinkled up. Her nose, too.
“Alright, a sleeping mat then.”
Merlin kept on staring. Gwen rolled her eyes.
“A patch of forest floor perhaps?”
“Define ‘patch’,” he croaked, finally able to break through his stupor. You fool. You hero-worshipping, love-struck fool, head-Gaius said. He sounded a bit like the goblin.
“Oh for goodness’ sake, Merlin! You grew up in a country village. Don’t try to tell me you are unfamiliar with the concept of families sharing one bed.” She patted the empty space next to Arthur. “God knows this bed is big enough to house a small clan. Come on, grab some of his nightclothes and then let’s just go to sleep.”
Merlin gulped. “If you insist, milady.”
Gwen glowered at him. “I insist.” She bit her lip, suddenly vulnerable and unsure again. “I don’t want to be alone with his nightmares tonight, Merlin. I don’t know if I’m strong enough.”
After a moment, Merlin nodded and went to do as he was told. What about my nightmares?, he thought, but he didn’t say it out loud. Maybe being close to Arthur would prevent the images of flames and dying people from taking hold.
As Merlin was changing behind the dressing screen into very loose-fitting trousers and a shirt that smelt of Arthur, he felt a bit like someone had hit him over the head with a mallet. Maybe he had actually spent an ill-advised night with Gwaine in the tavern and was dreaming the entire thing up. If that was truly the case, then he would never touch ale again. Not even look at it from afar.
Cautiously, he slipped between the sheets next to Arthur, feeling his king’s body-heat at his back. Goblin-Gaius was cackling in his head, but Merlin blocked him out. He pulled the bedspread up to his chin, careful not to touch Arthur in any way. The light went out as Gwen extinguished the candle, and suddenly, the room seemed both very dark and very quiet. Merlin hadn’t known that three people breathing could sound that loud amidst the silence.
“Please tell me we are not lying in the remains of my chicken,” he said into the darkness, and Gwen sniggered on the other side of Arthur.
“Give me some credit, Merlin. Do you really think I’ve already forgotten how to change a bed?”
“One never knows. I hear royalty can do this to some people.”
“Yes, I can feel queenhood sucking my bed-making skills out of me as we speak.”
“It’s horrible, I’m sure. Imagine what might go next!”
“Oh no, what if I lose my gift to pour wine unaided?”
“That would be a shame. You were an excellent wine-pourer. One of the best.”
“Not as good as you, though. You are the court’s favourite wine-pourer. All of the knights want to have their wine poured only by you.”
“That’s because they think of me as their personal property.”
“No. They think of you as Arthur’s personal property.”
“You’re right. I probably even have a tattoo somewhere that I’m not aware of: This is a Merlin. If found, please return to owner.”
“It’s behind your left ear. Don’t worry. It’s very fetching.”
“Did you know about the magic?”
Gwen fell silent, and Merlin bit his lip. This was definitely not the right time and place to ask this question. Arthur’s breathing was still quiet and regular, though. He hadn’t woken up, despite them bantering across his prone body. Merlin wondered if Gwen had given him a sleeping draught.
“Not about you specifically,” Gwen finally said, after Merlin had already convinced himself that she wouldn’t answer at all. “But you both were so, so lucky all the time. It just wasn’t natural or logical. You should’ve … You should have died so many times, both of you. But you didn’t. There was a time I thought it had to be Gaius, it was the only logical conclusion: someone who used to have a connection to magic and cared enough about the royal family to protect them. But then I noticed that you were lucky outside the castle, too, and that your near misses couldn’t all be attributed to Arthur’s skill, or later the knights’. So I figured our guardian sorcerer had to be someone else. I suspected the old man who saved me and tried to heal Arthur’s father for a while, but he was just … not really there.”
“Never me, though? You never thought it could be me?”
Again, Gwen was silent for a while, expect the rustling of her clothes. Apparently, she had sat up and reached across Arthur, because suddenly, Merlin felt her hand in his hair, petting him.
“I had been considering the possibility for quite some time now. It was the only thing left that made sense.”
Merlin kept staring into the dark, wide-eyed. He had no idea what he was feeling hearing this.
“And yet you didn’t tell him?” he said quietly and felt like a hypocrite because it sounded like an accusation. However, the thought that Gwen had lied to Arthur, too, was almost impossible to bear. It was nonsensical, but he had always been that way when it came to the king. Fool, Goblin-Gaius hissed. Merlin ignored him.
“I would have, had it been any more than an unproven suspicion. But I didn’t want to risk his relationship with you on a mere hunch.”
This time, it was Merlin who said nothing. What was there to say? Why didn’t you talk to me? Why didn’t you look for proof? Why didn’t you want to risk it?
“Merlin?” Gwen whispered. It sounded urgent, so urgent indeed, that it made him turn around to face Gwen who was looking at him over Arthur’s shoulder, her silhouette dark against the window dimly light by the torches of the courtyard underneath. It also meant that he was now lying face to face with Arthur who still seemed to be sleeping soundly. The faint smell of hop and valerian on his breath told Merlin enough to know that he didn’t do so unaided. Merlin allowed the tips of his fingers to peek out from his bedspread-cocoon and touch Arthur’s cheek. Love-struck … the Goblin started to screech, but Merlin told it firmly to shut up. He’d had enough. It had just been words.
“Merlin!” Gwen whispered again, and Merlin looked up at her, wondering if she could even see him.
“What?”
“We have to make a pact.”
“A what?!”
“A pact. Here and now. That we both will never lie to him again. Not like that.”
Merlin said nothing, but he freed his right hand entirely and reached up to her. Gwen took it and shook it lightly. Her palm was a bit moist, and Merlin wondered in exasperation if the Queen of Camelot had actually spat into her hand to seal their “pact” like a six-year-old. It was oddly endearing, in a slightly disgusting way.
Merlin entangled his hand from Gwen’s and surreptitiously wiped it on the bedspread. It refused to return to the cocoon, though, and ended up lying somewhere in the vicinity of Arthur’s chest. The tips of its fingers might have just touched the king right above where his heart lay. Merlin refused to take responsibility for that.
“Merlin,” Gwen whispered again.
“What?” he hissed back. He started to feel like he was a kid back in Ealdor whispering and giggling with Will in the dead of the night, while his mother pretended to be fast asleep at the other side of the bed.
“Are you alright?”
Merlin exhaled through his nose forcefully. He had been through such a tour-de-force of emotions over the last few hours, from the very good to the very bad, that he was truly unable to answer that.
“Let me sleep on that,” he whispered back. “I might be able to tell you in the morning. Thank you for asking, though.”
“You’re welcome,” Gwen replied. Merlin barely registered her words, though, because a big, rough hand enclosed his and pressed it firmly against Arthur’s chest. Merlin’s heartbeat sped up like crazy.
“Are you two quite finished?” Arthur mumbled sleepily. Merlin doubted he was even fully awake.
“Arthur …” Gwen kind of squeaked. The king flapped his hand vaguely in her direction.
“Silence. Sleep. Come here.”
There was a flurry of limbs that took Merlin completely by surprise. The next he knew, his head was resting on Arthur’s chest, with the king’s hand buried in his hair, cradling the back of his neck, and Gwen was pressed tightly to Arthur’s other side, one arm firmly around the king’s waist.
“Um …” Merlin said. “I …”
“Let him,” Gwen interrupted. “He is a cuddler. I think he needs it. It soothes him.”
“’m not a child,” Arthur grumbled, pressing his lips against Merlin’s forehead. Right. Oh god.
“I know you think that,” Gwen mocked fondly, and Merlin could feel her free hand first stroking the king’s hair and then his own. “Now go to sleep, my darling boys. It’s very late.”
“Will Merlin stay?” Arthur asked with a small voice, and Merlin suddenly understood where Gwen was coming from with all her mothering. He felt the sudden urge to mother Arthur himself, hearing the child-like quality of the question.
“I will stay, Arthur. As long as you let me,” he promised. It came out a bit more ardently than he had planned to, but he couldn’t quite bring himself to care.
Arthur made a satisfied humming sound and pulled Merlin even closer, resting his cheek on the top of Merlin’s head. Merlin allowed himself to snuggle into Arthur and finally closed his eyes. His heart was stupid, he decided. After sinking and trembling and aching and plummeting and soaring and rejoicing and freezing and raging and wrenching and shaking and racing, it should finally have settled down after the day it had had, leaving him in peace. Instead, it had completely melted.
Chapter Nine:
Where dreams are had and decisions are made
Pairings: Arthur/Merlin, Arthur/Gwen, Arthur/Gwen/Merlin
Rating: R
Summary: It was a silly thing. Just a wine stain on a very white shirt removed by magical means. But now, Arthur knows about the magic, and everything is not quite as Merlin would have expected. Arthur is weirdly vulnerable and brilliant, Gaius is growing distant and mysterious and maybe a little bit insane, and Gwen knows exactly just where she wants her boys to be.
Or: The one where Arthur finds out about the magic, is angry about the lies but not at Merlin, and things keep changing. Also, fathers are a difficult thing to have.
Warning: Some intriguing sex (het, slash and threesome). Plotting Gaius is plotting. Goes AU somewhen in the hiatus between S4 and S5.
Disclaimer: The characters and concept of this version of the Arthurian legends belong to Shine and the BBC, not to me. I'm just playing with them.
Author's Note: Reply to this prompt on kinkme_merlin: http://kinkme-merlin.livejournal.com/33344.html?thread=34990656#t34990656
First Chapter:
Teaser: Where Gaius gets an unwelcome surprise and things start to get wonky
What Followed
“Merlin, you must listen to me. I truly believe that Arthur has become very dangerous …”
“No, I’m not listening. I don’t know what’s gotten into you, Gaius, or what happened when you and Arthur talked, but I won’t let you insult him like that. Or me for that matter.”
Gaius fell silent for a moment, chewing his lip, while Merlin, who was almost Emrys, stared down at him. He wasn’t aware of having stood up, but he was towering over Gaius now like a bringer of doom. The old man didn’t seem to notice the danger, though.
“I didn’t mean to offend you, Merlin, but you have to understand that I’m only concerned for your safety.”
“I do understand that. But your concern is unnecessary, why can’t you see that? Arthur has said he wouldn’t harm me, and he will keep his word. He always keeps his word.”
“Well, he told me that I wouldn’t be able to protect you from his wrath! What do you make of that, if your king is as good as his word? He told me that he never wanted to set eyes on you again and that I would be responsible for your end!”
Gaius seemed so sure of his words, so absolutely certain, but Merlin didn’t even blink. “I don’t believe it.”
“For gods’ sake, Merlin, it’s your life at stake here! Stop acting like a hero-worshipping child …”
“I’m not a child!”
“No, more like a love-struck fool who wouldn’t recognize …”
“E n o u g h ,” Emrys thundered. It silenced Gaius, finally. He looked up at the man looming over him, completely stunned. Emrys met his gaze with burning eyes.
“Do you really think me that weak-minded that I wouldn’t recognize a friend turning against me, Gaius? And do you really think me that meek that I would let that friend do me harm without lifting a finger? I once told Arthur that I could take him apart with less than one blow, and that still holds true.”
Gaius swallowed hard, but he didn’t flinch. “You would rather throw yourself onto the pyre than hurt a hair on his head,” he said, his voice barely wavering. The old man had grown a spine since they first met, Emrys had to admit that much, and he even put it to use if he deemed the stakes high enough.
“Maybe,” Emrys conceded. “For Arthur, yes. But not for the man you described. If such a man existed. Which he doesn’t. I have known Arthur for almost a decade, and I have judged him, and I have found him worthy. You will not convince me otherwise.”
“And you are prepared to risk your life for your convictions?”
Emrys gave a cold, breathy laugh. “I have done so since the day I came here, old man. I’ve never heard you object before.”
Now, Gaius did flinch. There might have been tears in his eyes.
“I would give my life for you,” he whispered. Emrys shrugged.
“I don’t need you to.”
He didn’t wait for an answer, just turned away and walked out of the room. He was almost through the door, when Gaius’s voice stopped him: “Merlin?”
He halted, but didn’t look back. “What?”
“Has Arthur thanked you yet?”
Emrys glanced over his shoulder. The old man looked scared but determined. He also looked a bit broken.
“Don’t do anything foolish while I’m gone, Gaius,” Emrys said, very softly. It might have been a warning. Maybe it was a threat. Emrys had yet to bother with the difference.
Then he left.
**
It took Merlin almost all the way back to Arthur’s chambers until his magic had settled. He could never quite tell what happened when Emrys came out, whether it was his magic manifesting itself or merely a part of himself taking over that he normally didn't want to acknowledge. All he knew was that he was dangerous when he was like that, but he had yet to find this a bad thing. Up until now, Emrys hadn’t done anything Merlin couldn’t agree with, not least because the both of them were completely of one mind where Arthur was concerned. Only where Merlin’s first thought was “protect”, Emrys tended more towards “smite”. Maybe they were two sides of the same coin, Merlin thought with a wry smile, because protecting Arthur was not always possible without smiting the ones meaning him harm. Although he would have never thought that Gaius …
Merlin shook his head. Nothing had happened. Emrys had done no true damage, and hopefully his mentor would come to his senses. Merlin still couldn’t believe some of the things that had come out of the old man’s mouth, but he didn’t want to think about it, not now that he was bone-tired after what might amount to the most important day of his life.
Arthur knew.
An echo of the elation he had felt earlier surged up again, and he smiled, this time without the wry-ness. Most likely, he would question Arthur sometime soon about what he had actually said to Gaius and why, but not tonight. At the moment, he didn’t even have it in him to feel the least bit upset at Arthur for making a mess of things. It should probably worry him, but Merlin decided to give them both a break for a change.
Having reached Arthur’s chambers, Merlin knocked perfunctorily and entered. The dimness that greeted him inside surprised him. Arthur had told him to come back, hadn’t he?
There came some rustling from the direction of the bed, and something dark and white rose out of the cushions from behind a still lump that had to be Arthur.
“Merlin?” Gwen’s sleepy voice asked. The queen was blinking into the light of the single candle that was burning beside the bed.
“Um …” Merlin said, feeling more uncomfortable than he ever had before when finding the two of them in bed together. He had thought he’d become essentially immune to the sight over the years. Maybe it was because he hadn’t been prepared for it this time. Like a love-struck fool, Gaius’s voice said in his head, and it sounded rather nasty.
“I can come back tomorrow morning?”
Gwen sat up straight at that. “Oh no, you don’t! You broke him, now you come here and fix him!”
It felt like someone had wrenched his heart upside down in his chest. His legs had carried him to Arthur’s side of the bed before his mind had truly processed what was happening.
“What? What’s going on?”
His king was lying there sleeping, and yet he seemed grey and drawn. The shadows dancing across his face looked like they were devouring him. Merlin heard Gwen sigh, but he didn’t take his eyes off Arthur.
“I’m sorry, Merlin. That was uncalled for. It’s not your fault.”
“What …” He cleared his throat, tried again: “What’s not my fault?”
Gwen’s lovely, elegant hand (it had always been a queen’s hand) entered his field of vision, her fingers running through Arthur’s hair carefully. “Did you talk to Gaius?”
“Yes. Do you know what happened between the two of them?”
“No. And I don’t care much at this point. Merlin, while you were gone, I was holding my husband in my arms, watching him fall apart.” Here voice was trembling, and Merlin managed to tear his eyes away from Arthur’s face to throw a look at her. It had been a long time since he had seen her that distressed. On a small hill in the middle of a forest perhaps, but possibly not even then. A tear ran down her cheek and she rubbed her nose against the back of her queenly hand in a very unqueenly manner.
“We broke him, Merlin, all of us did. And he wasn’t whole to begin with.”
Merlin’s fingers were clutching the bedlinnen. He was aching to touch Arthur, but he didn’t quite dare to. He listened to Gwen’s quiet sniffles and stared at his sleeping king, feeling helpless, scared and angry all at once. He had thought everything was fine when he left, more than fine! You have been wrong before. Do I need to remind you what happens when you are wrong?, the Gaius in his head said. Merlin’s hands clenched around the cloth he has holding.
“What can I do?”
“Don’t go,” Gwen answered immediately. “I don’t know what will happen if he wakes up and you’re not there.”
Merlin blinked. Then he swallowed because his throat had suddenly gone very dry. Right. Um …
“Alright. I’ll just fetch some stuff so that I can sleep on the floor …”
Gwen snorted. “Please. As if you two have never shared a bed before.”
Merlin just stared at her. Gwen stared back. Her brow wrinkled up. Her nose, too.
“Alright, a sleeping mat then.”
Merlin kept on staring. Gwen rolled her eyes.
“A patch of forest floor perhaps?”
“Define ‘patch’,” he croaked, finally able to break through his stupor. You fool. You hero-worshipping, love-struck fool, head-Gaius said. He sounded a bit like the goblin.
“Oh for goodness’ sake, Merlin! You grew up in a country village. Don’t try to tell me you are unfamiliar with the concept of families sharing one bed.” She patted the empty space next to Arthur. “God knows this bed is big enough to house a small clan. Come on, grab some of his nightclothes and then let’s just go to sleep.”
Merlin gulped. “If you insist, milady.”
Gwen glowered at him. “I insist.” She bit her lip, suddenly vulnerable and unsure again. “I don’t want to be alone with his nightmares tonight, Merlin. I don’t know if I’m strong enough.”
After a moment, Merlin nodded and went to do as he was told. What about my nightmares?, he thought, but he didn’t say it out loud. Maybe being close to Arthur would prevent the images of flames and dying people from taking hold.
As Merlin was changing behind the dressing screen into very loose-fitting trousers and a shirt that smelt of Arthur, he felt a bit like someone had hit him over the head with a mallet. Maybe he had actually spent an ill-advised night with Gwaine in the tavern and was dreaming the entire thing up. If that was truly the case, then he would never touch ale again. Not even look at it from afar.
Cautiously, he slipped between the sheets next to Arthur, feeling his king’s body-heat at his back. Goblin-Gaius was cackling in his head, but Merlin blocked him out. He pulled the bedspread up to his chin, careful not to touch Arthur in any way. The light went out as Gwen extinguished the candle, and suddenly, the room seemed both very dark and very quiet. Merlin hadn’t known that three people breathing could sound that loud amidst the silence.
“Please tell me we are not lying in the remains of my chicken,” he said into the darkness, and Gwen sniggered on the other side of Arthur.
“Give me some credit, Merlin. Do you really think I’ve already forgotten how to change a bed?”
“One never knows. I hear royalty can do this to some people.”
“Yes, I can feel queenhood sucking my bed-making skills out of me as we speak.”
“It’s horrible, I’m sure. Imagine what might go next!”
“Oh no, what if I lose my gift to pour wine unaided?”
“That would be a shame. You were an excellent wine-pourer. One of the best.”
“Not as good as you, though. You are the court’s favourite wine-pourer. All of the knights want to have their wine poured only by you.”
“That’s because they think of me as their personal property.”
“No. They think of you as Arthur’s personal property.”
“You’re right. I probably even have a tattoo somewhere that I’m not aware of: This is a Merlin. If found, please return to owner.”
“It’s behind your left ear. Don’t worry. It’s very fetching.”
“Did you know about the magic?”
Gwen fell silent, and Merlin bit his lip. This was definitely not the right time and place to ask this question. Arthur’s breathing was still quiet and regular, though. He hadn’t woken up, despite them bantering across his prone body. Merlin wondered if Gwen had given him a sleeping draught.
“Not about you specifically,” Gwen finally said, after Merlin had already convinced himself that she wouldn’t answer at all. “But you both were so, so lucky all the time. It just wasn’t natural or logical. You should’ve … You should have died so many times, both of you. But you didn’t. There was a time I thought it had to be Gaius, it was the only logical conclusion: someone who used to have a connection to magic and cared enough about the royal family to protect them. But then I noticed that you were lucky outside the castle, too, and that your near misses couldn’t all be attributed to Arthur’s skill, or later the knights’. So I figured our guardian sorcerer had to be someone else. I suspected the old man who saved me and tried to heal Arthur’s father for a while, but he was just … not really there.”
“Never me, though? You never thought it could be me?”
Again, Gwen was silent for a while, expect the rustling of her clothes. Apparently, she had sat up and reached across Arthur, because suddenly, Merlin felt her hand in his hair, petting him.
“I had been considering the possibility for quite some time now. It was the only thing left that made sense.”
Merlin kept staring into the dark, wide-eyed. He had no idea what he was feeling hearing this.
“And yet you didn’t tell him?” he said quietly and felt like a hypocrite because it sounded like an accusation. However, the thought that Gwen had lied to Arthur, too, was almost impossible to bear. It was nonsensical, but he had always been that way when it came to the king. Fool, Goblin-Gaius hissed. Merlin ignored him.
“I would have, had it been any more than an unproven suspicion. But I didn’t want to risk his relationship with you on a mere hunch.”
This time, it was Merlin who said nothing. What was there to say? Why didn’t you talk to me? Why didn’t you look for proof? Why didn’t you want to risk it?
“Merlin?” Gwen whispered. It sounded urgent, so urgent indeed, that it made him turn around to face Gwen who was looking at him over Arthur’s shoulder, her silhouette dark against the window dimly light by the torches of the courtyard underneath. It also meant that he was now lying face to face with Arthur who still seemed to be sleeping soundly. The faint smell of hop and valerian on his breath told Merlin enough to know that he didn’t do so unaided. Merlin allowed the tips of his fingers to peek out from his bedspread-cocoon and touch Arthur’s cheek. Love-struck … the Goblin started to screech, but Merlin told it firmly to shut up. He’d had enough. It had just been words.
“Merlin!” Gwen whispered again, and Merlin looked up at her, wondering if she could even see him.
“What?”
“We have to make a pact.”
“A what?!”
“A pact. Here and now. That we both will never lie to him again. Not like that.”
Merlin said nothing, but he freed his right hand entirely and reached up to her. Gwen took it and shook it lightly. Her palm was a bit moist, and Merlin wondered in exasperation if the Queen of Camelot had actually spat into her hand to seal their “pact” like a six-year-old. It was oddly endearing, in a slightly disgusting way.
Merlin entangled his hand from Gwen’s and surreptitiously wiped it on the bedspread. It refused to return to the cocoon, though, and ended up lying somewhere in the vicinity of Arthur’s chest. The tips of its fingers might have just touched the king right above where his heart lay. Merlin refused to take responsibility for that.
“Merlin,” Gwen whispered again.
“What?” he hissed back. He started to feel like he was a kid back in Ealdor whispering and giggling with Will in the dead of the night, while his mother pretended to be fast asleep at the other side of the bed.
“Are you alright?”
Merlin exhaled through his nose forcefully. He had been through such a tour-de-force of emotions over the last few hours, from the very good to the very bad, that he was truly unable to answer that.
“Let me sleep on that,” he whispered back. “I might be able to tell you in the morning. Thank you for asking, though.”
“You’re welcome,” Gwen replied. Merlin barely registered her words, though, because a big, rough hand enclosed his and pressed it firmly against Arthur’s chest. Merlin’s heartbeat sped up like crazy.
“Are you two quite finished?” Arthur mumbled sleepily. Merlin doubted he was even fully awake.
“Arthur …” Gwen kind of squeaked. The king flapped his hand vaguely in her direction.
“Silence. Sleep. Come here.”
There was a flurry of limbs that took Merlin completely by surprise. The next he knew, his head was resting on Arthur’s chest, with the king’s hand buried in his hair, cradling the back of his neck, and Gwen was pressed tightly to Arthur’s other side, one arm firmly around the king’s waist.
“Um …” Merlin said. “I …”
“Let him,” Gwen interrupted. “He is a cuddler. I think he needs it. It soothes him.”
“’m not a child,” Arthur grumbled, pressing his lips against Merlin’s forehead. Right. Oh god.
“I know you think that,” Gwen mocked fondly, and Merlin could feel her free hand first stroking the king’s hair and then his own. “Now go to sleep, my darling boys. It’s very late.”
“Will Merlin stay?” Arthur asked with a small voice, and Merlin suddenly understood where Gwen was coming from with all her mothering. He felt the sudden urge to mother Arthur himself, hearing the child-like quality of the question.
“I will stay, Arthur. As long as you let me,” he promised. It came out a bit more ardently than he had planned to, but he couldn’t quite bring himself to care.
Arthur made a satisfied humming sound and pulled Merlin even closer, resting his cheek on the top of Merlin’s head. Merlin allowed himself to snuggle into Arthur and finally closed his eyes. His heart was stupid, he decided. After sinking and trembling and aching and plummeting and soaring and rejoicing and freezing and raging and wrenching and shaking and racing, it should finally have settled down after the day it had had, leaving him in peace. Instead, it had completely melted.
Chapter Nine:
Where dreams are had and decisions are made