it's not the same. !

[deepshadow]

I know he loves me.....but he's not in love with me. He doesn't look at me the same. he rarely smiles when we first see each other...like he's not glad to see me, like i'm one of his errands or something. we'll make out and do our thing and then he'll just go back to his computer. wtf? since i've been home we haven't had one date, just the two of us. we've hung out at home and we have had some good times...and the he runs back to the computer. I get that it was his christmas present and he's exited about it and what not. but like, the past 2 or 3 times I hung out with him it was likem him on his computer and me in front of the t.v. waiting for him to get step away from it just for him to go back. why can't he fix that stuff when i'm not there and just spend some real time with me? It hurts, it makes me feel like shit. like i'm just an object, another little toy to play with. and he doesn't give a fuck, it's always "you making this shit up in your head or why do you have to make everything so complicated" what am i supposed to do, pretend nothings wrong when i'm really hurting? when i confront him he'll apologize but then make it look like my fault or that i make a big deal out of everything. or he'll refuse to apologize saying he didn't do anything wrong, disregarding how hurt i am by his action or lack there of. and this coming from the person who asked me to come to him if i have a problem or need to talk bout something. he can tell me he loves me all he wants but words don't mean shit to me. not when it's I love you then i'll shove you aside cuz i'd rather do all this other stuff then date you. if i'm such a burden that he "puts up with" why is he with me? it hurts alot. why can't he see? i thought things would be better since I'd be home for a few weeks but it's the same shiit. i feel like shit like nothing just so fucking worthless. i can't hurt anymore, not like this. i can't. I love him so much but it's going to come to a point where I just die inside if i keep on hurting like this. i can't leave him, i love him too much. how the hell are you supposed to break up with some one you love more than anything. he's everything to me. i'm not sure he knkows that...i wish he did. i just want everthing back the way it was before. i want us to be together, and happy again. i want him to open his eyes.

The Blowers Daughter

And so it is
Just like you said it would be
Life goes easy on me
Most of the time
And so it is
The shorter story
No love, no glory
No hero in her sky

I can't take my eyes off of you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off of you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes...

And so it is
Just like you said it should be
We'll both forget the breeze
Most of the time
And so it is
The colder water
The blower's daughter
The pupil in denial

I can't take my eyes off of you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off of you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes...

Did I say that I loathe you?
Did I say that I want to
Leave it all behind?

I can't take my mind off of you
I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind off of you
I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind...
My mind...my mind...
'Til I find somebody new
-damien rice