(no subject)
There is a real cool sense of absence outside. It's eerie.
I was thinking as I was outside having a smoke...I'm not ready. I've been slowly into into adulthood and I don't think it's for me. I'm not looking forward to the routine that is adulthood. But, if I continue to act like a reckless and uninhibited teenager then I'll be looked at as a degenerate of society, which I also don't want.
I guess it's everyone's plight in life though. We all have to become and adult, which is part humiliation and part realizing your own mortality...which has hit me harder than anything. I've got this new found fear of death which I can't seem to get over. It carries over into a fear of loosing my Mother as well. I really can't lose her.
That is something else entirely that's been affecting me as well. I can't ever lose my Mom or I'm afraid that I'll go out of my mind and never find it again. I love her so much...it's really unbearable. And I've been such a terrible child, she never deserved something like me...
Ok, well now that I've depressed everyone, I'll end this.
I was thinking as I was outside having a smoke...I'm not ready. I've been slowly into into adulthood and I don't think it's for me. I'm not looking forward to the routine that is adulthood. But, if I continue to act like a reckless and uninhibited teenager then I'll be looked at as a degenerate of society, which I also don't want.
I guess it's everyone's plight in life though. We all have to become and adult, which is part humiliation and part realizing your own mortality...which has hit me harder than anything. I've got this new found fear of death which I can't seem to get over. It carries over into a fear of loosing my Mother as well. I really can't lose her.
That is something else entirely that's been affecting me as well. I can't ever lose my Mom or I'm afraid that I'll go out of my mind and never find it again. I love her so much...it's really unbearable. And I've been such a terrible child, she never deserved something like me...
Ok, well now that I've depressed everyone, I'll end this.