To whole-heartedly say to you
Click to viewI have this rush of feeling that my dad is going to die when I'm young. When I picture myself at his funeral, I look the same age as I do now. I feel relieved at the funeral. I think about him alot when my life is about to change. I think because he made me learn since I was about 6 that change meant something either bad was happening to me, my mother, or my sister. Sometimes I think that I was way more adaptive with pain then, I just spent alot of time alone and would listen to the noises in my house and try to remember them, even if they were bad. I listen to people talk about the house they grew up in and how when they are in it they think of such happy moments and I have a place like that. My place like that is when I go to the backyard of this one particular house I lived in for a bit. When I was about 8 all I wanted was a swingset and my dad wouldnt buy it for me, no one would ever get me this stupid blue and red swingset I was in love with, I think he even laughed when I asked him. It was one hundred dollars and I saved up for it bought it for myself. Its gone now, taken out of the ground...but the holes from where it used to be planted into the ground still exist. Four deep holes. I stare at them if i'm ever there and remember the first time I realized I could do it all alone.