Clowns
Title: Clowns
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Don't know, don't own, never happened.
Summary: Bam discusses seeing reality.
AN: Inspired, somehow, by the song Clowns by Tatu
Open your eyes.
I know that you want to hide from me. I know that you want to hide from what you’ve done, from the mess you’ve made.
Life doesn’t work that way. It never has, and it never will.
Wake up and look at me.
There are times when I want to shrink back, too. Times when I want to cover my eyes with my hands and pretend that I’m not here. The darkness is my friend and I will embrace it.
The darkness will shield me from the harsh reality that the light brings. Of course, lurking in the shadows that my beloved darkness has there are ghoulies. Ghosties and beasties and things that go bump in the night. Things that would be quite happy to gobble me down in one bite, if given the chance.
But there are ways to fight those things. There are magic words, dream weapons that one can use. I stand a chance fighting against all those things. I might be able to win.
I can’t win against reality. I can’t fight it, can’t conquer it. I can only hold on tightly to something and hope that I don’t get swept away when it washes over me. Up until very recently I was holding on to you.
Now I am learning to hold onto nothing. I am learning to support myself. I can stand this reality; I can learn to live with it. I will not let it carry me away to the corners of despair.
You, on the other hand, would happily banish yourself into the darkness forever. You will take up the weapons, the armor; embrace the mythology that would soon surround you.
And you wear it all so well.
I can’t deny how it suits you. But that’s no way to live. We can only hide amongst pretty fantasies for so long until it gets blown away. Spider webs are delicate, after all. A harsher person would have torn yours all away already.
I choose not to. I have far too much to deal with on my own, and I am content to let you make yourself content with all the things in your head and that you know aren’t true. You’ll soon get washed away.
I only hope you can claw your way back to shore. Maybe you’ll even find a place to stand next to me again. I hope so. I don’t want to lose you. Not like that. I have to be honest and confess that I’ve already lost you on some level.
But maybe that’s okay because you weren’t really mine. You don’t really belong to anyone. Not because there is no one who would take you, more because you simply can’t let yourself loose.
Closing your eyes again.
I used to find such solace in that when I was a child. Used to be afraid of the dark in my room, so I’d close my eyes. It was a foolish thing to do. It’s dark behind my eyelids, but maybe that’s a darkness I know how to control.
Open your eyes and see me.
Please darling?
I do need you with me.
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Don't know, don't own, never happened.
Summary: Bam discusses seeing reality.
AN: Inspired, somehow, by the song Clowns by Tatu
Open your eyes.
I know that you want to hide from me. I know that you want to hide from what you’ve done, from the mess you’ve made.
Life doesn’t work that way. It never has, and it never will.
Wake up and look at me.
There are times when I want to shrink back, too. Times when I want to cover my eyes with my hands and pretend that I’m not here. The darkness is my friend and I will embrace it.
The darkness will shield me from the harsh reality that the light brings. Of course, lurking in the shadows that my beloved darkness has there are ghoulies. Ghosties and beasties and things that go bump in the night. Things that would be quite happy to gobble me down in one bite, if given the chance.
But there are ways to fight those things. There are magic words, dream weapons that one can use. I stand a chance fighting against all those things. I might be able to win.
I can’t win against reality. I can’t fight it, can’t conquer it. I can only hold on tightly to something and hope that I don’t get swept away when it washes over me. Up until very recently I was holding on to you.
Now I am learning to hold onto nothing. I am learning to support myself. I can stand this reality; I can learn to live with it. I will not let it carry me away to the corners of despair.
You, on the other hand, would happily banish yourself into the darkness forever. You will take up the weapons, the armor; embrace the mythology that would soon surround you.
And you wear it all so well.
I can’t deny how it suits you. But that’s no way to live. We can only hide amongst pretty fantasies for so long until it gets blown away. Spider webs are delicate, after all. A harsher person would have torn yours all away already.
I choose not to. I have far too much to deal with on my own, and I am content to let you make yourself content with all the things in your head and that you know aren’t true. You’ll soon get washed away.
I only hope you can claw your way back to shore. Maybe you’ll even find a place to stand next to me again. I hope so. I don’t want to lose you. Not like that. I have to be honest and confess that I’ve already lost you on some level.
But maybe that’s okay because you weren’t really mine. You don’t really belong to anyone. Not because there is no one who would take you, more because you simply can’t let yourself loose.
Closing your eyes again.
I used to find such solace in that when I was a child. Used to be afraid of the dark in my room, so I’d close my eyes. It was a foolish thing to do. It’s dark behind my eyelids, but maybe that’s a darkness I know how to control.
Open your eyes and see me.
Please darling?
I do need you with me.