When Missing You Is Over
Title: When Missing You Is Over
POV: Bam
Rating: PG
Summary: Bam examines what it feels like to miss someone.
Disclaimer: Don't know, don't own, never happened.
I’ve tried ten thousand ways to think this through. I have all the logical reasons. In the end, I know this was what was better for me. Right now though, I hate myself for doing this. I hate myself for making this choice. I hate myself.
And I hate you, too. Because you put me in this place, in some way. And I hate you because I can’t stop loving you. Dammit! That’s the way this is supposed to end, all nice and neat with all my warm and mushy feelings dripped out of me.
It doesn’t seem to be working that way, though.
Since we ended this, since I finally came to my senses after about eight months from a haze of cigarette smoke and the taste of booze coating your lips, I haven’t been the same. I haven’t been able to sleep.
Did you know that? You were always the one who made fun of me for sleeping as much as I do. I hate getting up early, I hate getting up before noon. If I could, I’d sleep the whole day through, because everything seems to make more sense when the sun isn’t burning your skin.
Anyway, that’s what I used to think. But now I’ve been watching the sun go up, and there’s like, fifteen minutes when everything seems to stop. In these precious moments, the whole world seems to start over again. The sky goes from gray to light pink and lavender to sky blue.
And my God, it’s breathtaking.
I’ve found that times like that, things cane make sense too.
So maybe this whole not sleeping thing isn’t as bad as it seems. I never did much care for dreaming anyway.
I haven’t really been able to eat, either. As vain as I am about my appearance, you know how much I love my food.
The taste of food goes sour in my mouth, and the thought of it makes my stomach turn. I’ve been living on toast and coffee for the past week or so, choking down little bites of this and that when Ape nags me about it.
Don’t worry; I’m in no danger of wasting away.
In fact, when you get right down to it, I know I’m going to get over this. This whole missing you thing. There are moments now when I stare off into space in the middle of loading the dishwasher, caught up in wondering what you’re doing right now, how all the work on those songs is coming.
There are times when I forget where I’m driving to because I remember something about you. I’ll see a thin man walking by with long dark hair and WHAM! There you are in my mind.
That’s going to stop though. The times where I’m standing in the grocery store with a flipping stomach because I’ve caught myself wondering what sort of fruit you’d like this week, or whether or not you’d like to try this new flavor of coffee-they’ll soon be a thing of the past.
I think that’s why I’m holding on to all of this the way I am. I really, really don’t want to lose this feeling of missing you. Because when that happens.
When I’m over you.
You’ll really be gone.
POV: Bam
Rating: PG
Summary: Bam examines what it feels like to miss someone.
Disclaimer: Don't know, don't own, never happened.
I’ve tried ten thousand ways to think this through. I have all the logical reasons. In the end, I know this was what was better for me. Right now though, I hate myself for doing this. I hate myself for making this choice. I hate myself.
And I hate you, too. Because you put me in this place, in some way. And I hate you because I can’t stop loving you. Dammit! That’s the way this is supposed to end, all nice and neat with all my warm and mushy feelings dripped out of me.
It doesn’t seem to be working that way, though.
Since we ended this, since I finally came to my senses after about eight months from a haze of cigarette smoke and the taste of booze coating your lips, I haven’t been the same. I haven’t been able to sleep.
Did you know that? You were always the one who made fun of me for sleeping as much as I do. I hate getting up early, I hate getting up before noon. If I could, I’d sleep the whole day through, because everything seems to make more sense when the sun isn’t burning your skin.
Anyway, that’s what I used to think. But now I’ve been watching the sun go up, and there’s like, fifteen minutes when everything seems to stop. In these precious moments, the whole world seems to start over again. The sky goes from gray to light pink and lavender to sky blue.
And my God, it’s breathtaking.
I’ve found that times like that, things cane make sense too.
So maybe this whole not sleeping thing isn’t as bad as it seems. I never did much care for dreaming anyway.
I haven’t really been able to eat, either. As vain as I am about my appearance, you know how much I love my food.
The taste of food goes sour in my mouth, and the thought of it makes my stomach turn. I’ve been living on toast and coffee for the past week or so, choking down little bites of this and that when Ape nags me about it.
Don’t worry; I’m in no danger of wasting away.
In fact, when you get right down to it, I know I’m going to get over this. This whole missing you thing. There are moments now when I stare off into space in the middle of loading the dishwasher, caught up in wondering what you’re doing right now, how all the work on those songs is coming.
There are times when I forget where I’m driving to because I remember something about you. I’ll see a thin man walking by with long dark hair and WHAM! There you are in my mind.
That’s going to stop though. The times where I’m standing in the grocery store with a flipping stomach because I’ve caught myself wondering what sort of fruit you’d like this week, or whether or not you’d like to try this new flavor of coffee-they’ll soon be a thing of the past.
I think that’s why I’m holding on to all of this the way I am. I really, really don’t want to lose this feeling of missing you. Because when that happens.
When I’m over you.
You’ll really be gone.