Better Than Me
Title: Better Than Me
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Don't know, don't own, never happened, Better Than Me belongs to Hinder
Summary: Ville Could Do Better
Bam sighed as he pulled his knees up to his chin. The room was empty, quiet. There was noise downstairs, people were always here. But he didn’t care. There was no one down there that he wanted to see.
The only person he wanted was gone. Long gone. As in, every trace was gone from the room. Including the smell of his cologne, and the very last dregs from his shampoo bottle had been tossed out by a well meaning April.
Bam hadn’t had the heart to tell her why he wanted to keep them.
He bit his lip. He had no reason to be so upset. This was all his fault in the first place. And anyway, Ville was better, so much better off without him.
He could do so much better. Everyone said so. Bam reached out and touched Ville’s side of the bed. It was cold now. Bam was never even able to roll over on that part of the bed at night.
I think you can do much better than me.
After all the lies that I made you believe.
Guilt kicks in and I start to see,
The edge of the bed where your nightgown used to be.
This really was ridiculous, Bam thought as he unfolded himself and stood up. He didn’t have any right to feel so horrible. Hadn’t he told himself that he wasn’t going to feel like this? That he was going to move on, and move on fast?
It was impossible though, and he knew it. There was no point in trying to kid himself.
I told myself I wouldn’t miss you,
But I remembered,
What if feels like beside you.
I really miss your hair in my face,
And the way your innocence tastes.
And I think you should know this;
You deserve much better than me.
Ville had asked for something. Hadn’t asked Bam of course. They didn’t speak now, not at all.
Bam would have done almost anything to hear his voice. The CDs, the recordings, they weren’t enough anymore. He needed to hear the voice right in his ear, whispering, laughing softly.
He needed it the way most people needed food and water. Without it now, it was rather like starving. Bam didn’t care much about it, anymore. He just knew he was unhappy, and the only thing that could make him happy was gone, long gone.
Ville had asked for one picture of them. Rather, it was a strip of pictures, taken from a photo booth at a mall. Bam had shoved the pictures into a cardboard box, jammed the box far away in the deepest corner of his closet.
He hadn’t wanted to see the pictures, or anything else that made him think of those precious months they’d had together. This including handfuls of handfuls notes from the man.
Ville had gotten into the habit of leaving Bam a note every morning. They never said too much of anything, they were only tiny declarations of love, always signed with a heartagram. Bam had kept everyone, and now here they were, a whole forest of love, jammed here in this box.
The skater removed the pictures. They were making faces, kissing, smiling. They looked so happy. Bam hadn’t smiled like that in months now.
He didn’t think he’d ever smile like that again.
While looking through your old books of notes,
Found those pictures I took,
That you were looking for.
That day at the mall had been magical. Ville had woken Bam up early, insisting that they go shopping.
“I need new clothes.” The Finn insisted.
“I think the LAST thing you need is new clothes.” The American grumped as he dragged himself out of the shower.
You had to give the singer credit. He had at least made the day fun, with his quick wit and his easy laugh. Sometimes they looked over at one another and started laughing for some reason that they couldn’t vocalize.
By the time they’d reached the last store, the joy had built up inside them; they were so full of love they were afraid they might explode. There was only one way they knew that they could get rid of it.
Quickly, quietly, they ducked into a dressing room. Bam found himself pushed against a wall, being kissed better than he’d ever been kissed in his whole life.
They made love there, hard and fast, quietly. But it could not have been better.
If there’s one memory I don’t wanna lose,
That time at the mall.
You and me in the dressing room.
I told myself I won’t miss you,
But I remember what it feels like beside you.
I really miss your hair in my face,
And the way your innocence tastes.
And I think you should know this,
You deserve much better than me.
And so he went downstairs, played the mouthy jerk, played the asshole they all expected him to be. No one ever though anything else of him, except of course, Ville. Ville had always seen right through it, had always known that deep down, he was so much better than that.
When they crowds had cleared, and he was left once again with an empty house. He had grown used to it by now. He liked it better this way, like it when he was all alone like this. No one could see him, could bother him.
He trekked up the stairs to his empty bed, and lay down on his side, facing the empty side.
Ville’s side.
The bed I’m laying in is getting colder,
Wish I never would’ve said it’s over.
Bam knew that for the rest of his life, he’d never be able to stop thinking about Ville. Too late, he realized that he had found the love of his life.
Found him and lost him.
You never loved like that again. You loved like that once, and if they left you, then you spent the rest of your life trying to get over it. Bam tried to ignore the ache that had been in his chest since the day Ville walked out.
And I can’t pretend,
I won’t think about you when I’m older,
‘Cause we never really had our closure.
This can’t be the end.
If he closed his eyes, Bam could remember the way it was when Ville leaned over him, his hair brushing in his face. He smiled. Believe it or not, Bam had been the first man Ville slept with, made love with.
And the taste of him, of that sweet ignorance, had been divine.
None of that mattered anymore though. Bam knew he was bad, bad, bad. How many hearts had he broken? How many people had he hurt? He had known after looking into those emerald eyes, seeing the trust in them…
He had known he had to end it. Before he hurt Ville like that, too.
Ville could do so much better.
I really miss your hair in my face.
And the way your innocence tastes.
And I think you should know this,
You deserve much better than me.
I really miss your hair in my face,
And the way your innocence tastes.
And I think you should know this,
You deserve much better than me.
(And I think you should know this,
You deserve much better than me.)
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Don't know, don't own, never happened, Better Than Me belongs to Hinder
Summary: Ville Could Do Better
Bam sighed as he pulled his knees up to his chin. The room was empty, quiet. There was noise downstairs, people were always here. But he didn’t care. There was no one down there that he wanted to see.
The only person he wanted was gone. Long gone. As in, every trace was gone from the room. Including the smell of his cologne, and the very last dregs from his shampoo bottle had been tossed out by a well meaning April.
Bam hadn’t had the heart to tell her why he wanted to keep them.
He bit his lip. He had no reason to be so upset. This was all his fault in the first place. And anyway, Ville was better, so much better off without him.
He could do so much better. Everyone said so. Bam reached out and touched Ville’s side of the bed. It was cold now. Bam was never even able to roll over on that part of the bed at night.
I think you can do much better than me.
After all the lies that I made you believe.
Guilt kicks in and I start to see,
The edge of the bed where your nightgown used to be.
This really was ridiculous, Bam thought as he unfolded himself and stood up. He didn’t have any right to feel so horrible. Hadn’t he told himself that he wasn’t going to feel like this? That he was going to move on, and move on fast?
It was impossible though, and he knew it. There was no point in trying to kid himself.
I told myself I wouldn’t miss you,
But I remembered,
What if feels like beside you.
I really miss your hair in my face,
And the way your innocence tastes.
And I think you should know this;
You deserve much better than me.
Ville had asked for something. Hadn’t asked Bam of course. They didn’t speak now, not at all.
Bam would have done almost anything to hear his voice. The CDs, the recordings, they weren’t enough anymore. He needed to hear the voice right in his ear, whispering, laughing softly.
He needed it the way most people needed food and water. Without it now, it was rather like starving. Bam didn’t care much about it, anymore. He just knew he was unhappy, and the only thing that could make him happy was gone, long gone.
Ville had asked for one picture of them. Rather, it was a strip of pictures, taken from a photo booth at a mall. Bam had shoved the pictures into a cardboard box, jammed the box far away in the deepest corner of his closet.
He hadn’t wanted to see the pictures, or anything else that made him think of those precious months they’d had together. This including handfuls of handfuls notes from the man.
Ville had gotten into the habit of leaving Bam a note every morning. They never said too much of anything, they were only tiny declarations of love, always signed with a heartagram. Bam had kept everyone, and now here they were, a whole forest of love, jammed here in this box.
The skater removed the pictures. They were making faces, kissing, smiling. They looked so happy. Bam hadn’t smiled like that in months now.
He didn’t think he’d ever smile like that again.
While looking through your old books of notes,
Found those pictures I took,
That you were looking for.
That day at the mall had been magical. Ville had woken Bam up early, insisting that they go shopping.
“I need new clothes.” The Finn insisted.
“I think the LAST thing you need is new clothes.” The American grumped as he dragged himself out of the shower.
You had to give the singer credit. He had at least made the day fun, with his quick wit and his easy laugh. Sometimes they looked over at one another and started laughing for some reason that they couldn’t vocalize.
By the time they’d reached the last store, the joy had built up inside them; they were so full of love they were afraid they might explode. There was only one way they knew that they could get rid of it.
Quickly, quietly, they ducked into a dressing room. Bam found himself pushed against a wall, being kissed better than he’d ever been kissed in his whole life.
They made love there, hard and fast, quietly. But it could not have been better.
If there’s one memory I don’t wanna lose,
That time at the mall.
You and me in the dressing room.
I told myself I won’t miss you,
But I remember what it feels like beside you.
I really miss your hair in my face,
And the way your innocence tastes.
And I think you should know this,
You deserve much better than me.
And so he went downstairs, played the mouthy jerk, played the asshole they all expected him to be. No one ever though anything else of him, except of course, Ville. Ville had always seen right through it, had always known that deep down, he was so much better than that.
When they crowds had cleared, and he was left once again with an empty house. He had grown used to it by now. He liked it better this way, like it when he was all alone like this. No one could see him, could bother him.
He trekked up the stairs to his empty bed, and lay down on his side, facing the empty side.
Ville’s side.
The bed I’m laying in is getting colder,
Wish I never would’ve said it’s over.
Bam knew that for the rest of his life, he’d never be able to stop thinking about Ville. Too late, he realized that he had found the love of his life.
Found him and lost him.
You never loved like that again. You loved like that once, and if they left you, then you spent the rest of your life trying to get over it. Bam tried to ignore the ache that had been in his chest since the day Ville walked out.
And I can’t pretend,
I won’t think about you when I’m older,
‘Cause we never really had our closure.
This can’t be the end.
If he closed his eyes, Bam could remember the way it was when Ville leaned over him, his hair brushing in his face. He smiled. Believe it or not, Bam had been the first man Ville slept with, made love with.
And the taste of him, of that sweet ignorance, had been divine.
None of that mattered anymore though. Bam knew he was bad, bad, bad. How many hearts had he broken? How many people had he hurt? He had known after looking into those emerald eyes, seeing the trust in them…
He had known he had to end it. Before he hurt Ville like that, too.
Ville could do so much better.
I really miss your hair in my face.
And the way your innocence tastes.
And I think you should know this,
You deserve much better than me.
I really miss your hair in my face,
And the way your innocence tastes.
And I think you should know this,
You deserve much better than me.
(And I think you should know this,
You deserve much better than me.)