take the time

May 18, 2006 21:02

ON THE FAILURE OF ONE SMALL COMMUNITY IN ACHIEVING ITS OWN ILL-DEFINED DREAMS AND/OR GOALS...

AND WE WERE AN ARMY OF DEAD WOMEN AND MEN, SHUFFLING POINTLESSLY ACROSS AND THRU THIS
GLORIOUS NEW CENTURY RESTRAINING HARNESSES, BILLION-DOLLAR DEATH RAYS AND SUPERMAX
PENITENTIARIES, AND ITS GODDAMNED EVERMORE REFINED, IRRATIONAL, AND TERMINAL ECONOMIES
OF BLOOD, MISERY AND SLOW FUCKING DOOM? AND PLEASE KNOW, OR ALREADY UNDERSTAND THAT,
THIS RECORD IS SO FUCKING USELES AS A ONE WAY TRANSMISSION, LIKE ALL ONE-WAY ALREADY-EXISTING
MESS OF RADIATION, ELECTRICITY AND NOISE AND CLAMOR AND LIES. . AND&SO AND BUT SOME TIME
SOMEWHERE SOME TINY ACTION TOOK ROOT MAYBE, AND NONE OF US NEVER HEARD ABOUT IT YET, AND
THE EARTH DID ITS SLOW TURN TWIRL IN SPITE OF? AND SO WE ALL WOKE UP HUNGOVER, &ALWAYS STILL
MORE TIRED OF, OR SPOOKED OR SCARED, AND BARELY SHUFFLED THRU A LITTLE BIT MORE? AND WHILE
WE WERE SLEEPING THEY EVEN TOOK OUR NEIGHBORHOODS AWAY, AND EVERYTHING TURNED INTO DISNEYLAND
AND MARIONETTES AND CHIPBOARD AND SPIT? NO MORE LOVELY AIMLESS STROLLS ALLOWED, NO MORE LONG
WANDERING NIGHTS BURNING WITH POSSIBILITY, WONDER, OR JOY - NOT HERE NO, NOT W/THE FLASHING COPCAR
LIGHT SHOW AND PARK CURFEWS AND THE WHOLE "YEAH YOU CAN LIVE HERE, BUT YOU CAN'T LIVE HERE, I MEAN
YOU CAN PAY YR. RENT AND TO&FRO A LITTLE BUT THAT'S ABOUT ALL BUB, AND DON'T YOU FORGET IT HAWHAWHWAW"?
AND WE LEARNED THE RULES WAY TOO WELL AND THEY ALTERED THE WAY WE FELT AND LIVED AND BREATHED EVEN?
AND WHAT ABOUT THE STORY OF US ALL ABANDONING EACH OTHER, BECAUSE WE WERE TOO SELF-INVOLVED TO FIGURE
OUT HOW ALONE WE ALL REALLY FELT MOSTLY NEARLY ALL THE TIME? (MEANING THAT WE ALL TREATED EACH OTHER
REALLYREALLYREALLY BADLY, MAN)? (AND CRAFTED OUR OWN NEUROTIC SOAP OPERAS W/ OUR BORING SAD
COUPLINGS AND IRONY, TELEVISION AND COCKTAILS?) AND IN OUR INFINITE WEAKNESS, WE FOUND OUT THAT
EVERYTHING WAS SHIT ANYWAYS SO MIGHT AS WELL GET USED TO THE SMELL? AND WE GATHERED IN COMPROMISED
HALLS THAT REEKED OF FAILURE, DISTANCE AND SELF-ALIENATION? AND SO WE NEVER REALLY MET? AND SINCE WE
NEVER MET, WE NEVER SCHEMED OR PLANNED OR MANIFESTED THE RUINED DREAMS THAT DIDN'T HAVE TO BE RUINED AT ALL?
AND NEVER FIGURED OUT HOW TO COUNTER ALL THE BLAND AGENTS OF RECUPERATION, WHO STOLE OUR BRIGHTEST
HOPES ALWAYS, AND SHOT 'EM OUT OF SATELLITES AT A BUCK-FIFTY-NINE AN HOUR? (AND WOULD YOU BELIEVE US IF WE
TOLD YOU THAT WE BUILT A MACHINE THAT'LL BRING ALL THEIR FUCKING SATELLITES THE FUCK DOWN?) AND THE ARGUMENTS
FOR&AGAINST WERE NEVER COMPLICATED BUT WERE CERTAINLY MADE BELIEVE THAT WE WERE SEDITIONARIES, BUT WERE TOO
EASILY MOVED OR ELSE DID NOT EVER MOVE AT ALL? AND NEVER STORMED THE GATES OR WALLS? BUT CRAFTED CLUMSY THINGS
WITH OUR HANDS, AND THOSE THINGS WERE IMPORTANT TO US, THOSE CLUMSY ABSTRACTED TOWERS AND MINURETS WE CRAFTED
W/ OUR OWN WORRIED HANDS? AND BUILT OUR OWN CONFUSED BELIEF SYSTEMS, WHICH WERE ENDLESSLY AND CRUCIALLY
BEAUTIFUL IN THEIR SMALL STUBBORN TANGLES OF LOSS, WORRY, FAITH AND NEED? AND MADE SMALL GESTURES W/ OUR HANDS
OR EYES THAT WERE ENDLESSLY REDEEMING, AND MADE US ALL SOMETIMES ALMOST BELIEVE IN SAINTS AND/OR ANGELS?
AND DAYDREAMED ENDLESSLY ABOUT LIVING A LITTLE MORE QUIETLY OR A LITTLE BIT LOUDER FOR AWHILE? AND ALMOST
ALWAYS STRIVED FOR A LITTLE MORE ENGAGEMENT W/THIS FALLING/FALLEN WORLD? OR HARDENED OUR RESOLVE SOMETIMES
AND BENT OUR HEADS AND BACKS INTO THE TASK AT HAND AND DUG AND BUILT OR ERECTED? OR TRANSMITTED OCCASIONAL
EPIPHANIES OR URGENT FEARS W/ PHOTOCOPIERS, SILKSCREENS AND CDR'S? AND FOUND ANSWERS SOMETIMES
IN BUILDINGS, BENEATH THE SUN'S BLIND WHITE HOLE? LIKE TREES GROWING THROUGH
FENCES OR AN ABANDONED JAR FILLED W/A SUMMER'S WORTH OF RUSTY WATER OUT THERE
BEHIND THE PLACE WHERE THE HEAVY TRAINS ROLL? AND FOUND HOPE IN THE IDEA OF THE FUTILE GESTURE?
 AND MANIFESTED SOMETIMES W/BRICKS IN OUR HANDS? AND BUILT SOMETHING HERE IN SPITE OF AND WILL NOT LET THEM TAKE
IT FROM US SO EASILY? SO PLEASE O PLEASE, LET'S PLEASE FIGURE OUT SOON WHAT EXACTLY WE CAN BUILD HERE ON THIS PARCHED
AND FALLOW GROUND, (KNOWING ALL ALONG, THAT SOONER OR LATER BULLDOZERS WILL COME AND TEAR IT ALL DOWN...)
(BUT WE CAN BUILD IT IN SPITE OF,AND LEAVE DUSTY NOTES ABOUT OUR JOURNEYS BEHIND... AND
RESISTANCE GREW FROM TENDER PLACES, AND WE FOUGHT THE GOOD FIGHT WHENEVER IT
STAGGERED DOWN OUR LONESOME, TWISTED ROADS...

-a silver mount zion
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