I. Hate. Being. Poor.
Me and Sam took George and Kusko to the vet today. I spent $500 for both, $300 for Kusko. He got his shots, a checkup, and he got that wierd growth on his side drained and sent for analysis. The wierd fluid that came out of him was actually really interesting. Apparently it had wierd layers too. I just hope it's not anything horrible and detrimental.
It just makes me really depressed that I just spent my next paycheck. No matter what I do, my money just seems to disappear. I bought myself some shoes finally about 2 weeks ago for $50. I felt too guilty and made myself decide they were no good so I returned them. I haven't bought new clothes since I went to Wisconsin ( September 2006, by the way). I start work at 7:15am-12ish Monday-Friday, so that means I have to leave my house at around 6:15am every morning. Then I go to school from 1pm-7pm Mon-Wed, and 1-3 Thursdays. When I get home from work, all I want to do is sleep, but I have homework to do. Working in the sun is just so draining, and then there's the whole working with crazy pre-kindergarteners, which alone is exhausting. Fridays I head up to Flag so I can attempt to work for the ACL, but I find that I just kind of soak up sleep. On Fridays I drive up and just kind of plop down and stop moving for hours while my body reboots. Saturdays I do animal care and then work on the website deal, but even then I'm so exhausted from the week it's hard for me to concentrate. Plus I'm stressed all weekend about the impending organic chemistry exam on Mondays. I feel bad because I need to do so much more for the ACL, but I'm so wiped and frustrated and stressed and just plain drained from the whole week it's hard for me to walk in a straight line let alone focus on literature articles. Sundays I head down early because I need to study, and Selina is kind enough to help me out with that, because chemistry is definitely not my subject.
I just want to sleep in. I just want one day to sit around and watch movies and not have to do anything productive. I just want to cry on Monday when I think about the week. Especially after I just spent $500 on the poodles. I had to pay for Sam because she doesn't have the money right now, which is fine. I just get incredibly depressed because I feel like I'm constantly working or studying but I don't have any money to back it up. Right now I'm on the verge of a break down, and I'm really glad I get to see Rob tomorrow because I don't know what to do anymore. I drive twice as much as I used to, from Tempe to Phoenix and Flagstaff and everything, and gas is so high. I don't think I make any money anymore, rather just covering transportation costs.
My mom's moving again. She can't afford the house she's renting so she's moving into the same apartment complex as Bill. I feel awful when I think about my financial situation, but I feel like I'm going to break into pieces when I think about hers. She's 56 and has absolutely no savings. Not a fucking dime. How is she going to retire? Willy's only 17. And, because we don't have money to send him to college and he doesn't have the grades to get a scholarship, he's going into the marines.
Sometimes I just can't handle it. I think about how some people have such an easy life, and they don't even appreciate it. I was talking to a girl at SCC (where I'm taking O. chem) and she was saying how she's making her dad pay for her book (over $200 by the way; luckily Selina let me borrow hers), about how her dad pays for her car, about how her dad pays for her schooling. And she makes $13 an hour sitting at an air conditioning place filing stuff because it's owned by her boyfriend's family. I couldn't even formulate a response. Just hearing someone expect their parent to pay for something, to expect to be reimbursed for items just because they don't want to spend their own money on it is... striking to me. I would feel so ashamed to expect my parents to do everything for me financially. It's different to be thankful and to fully understand the sacrifices your parent might be making for your education, but to expect everything makes me very irritated. I'm really glad I will never be rich, because I don't want to have children that turn out to be spoiled bums.
I'm so tired of always worrying about money. I can only hope that next month will bring me peace. At least I won't be driving so much. I know that there's good in everything that happens, or at least there's good if you want to find it. I think that this period of my life will teach me the values that I'll carry throughout my life, but right now it's utterly frustrating.
Fuck people who have life handed to them simply because they popped out of the right vagina.
It just makes me really depressed that I just spent my next paycheck. No matter what I do, my money just seems to disappear. I bought myself some shoes finally about 2 weeks ago for $50. I felt too guilty and made myself decide they were no good so I returned them. I haven't bought new clothes since I went to Wisconsin ( September 2006, by the way). I start work at 7:15am-12ish Monday-Friday, so that means I have to leave my house at around 6:15am every morning. Then I go to school from 1pm-7pm Mon-Wed, and 1-3 Thursdays. When I get home from work, all I want to do is sleep, but I have homework to do. Working in the sun is just so draining, and then there's the whole working with crazy pre-kindergarteners, which alone is exhausting. Fridays I head up to Flag so I can attempt to work for the ACL, but I find that I just kind of soak up sleep. On Fridays I drive up and just kind of plop down and stop moving for hours while my body reboots. Saturdays I do animal care and then work on the website deal, but even then I'm so exhausted from the week it's hard for me to concentrate. Plus I'm stressed all weekend about the impending organic chemistry exam on Mondays. I feel bad because I need to do so much more for the ACL, but I'm so wiped and frustrated and stressed and just plain drained from the whole week it's hard for me to walk in a straight line let alone focus on literature articles. Sundays I head down early because I need to study, and Selina is kind enough to help me out with that, because chemistry is definitely not my subject.
I just want to sleep in. I just want one day to sit around and watch movies and not have to do anything productive. I just want to cry on Monday when I think about the week. Especially after I just spent $500 on the poodles. I had to pay for Sam because she doesn't have the money right now, which is fine. I just get incredibly depressed because I feel like I'm constantly working or studying but I don't have any money to back it up. Right now I'm on the verge of a break down, and I'm really glad I get to see Rob tomorrow because I don't know what to do anymore. I drive twice as much as I used to, from Tempe to Phoenix and Flagstaff and everything, and gas is so high. I don't think I make any money anymore, rather just covering transportation costs.
My mom's moving again. She can't afford the house she's renting so she's moving into the same apartment complex as Bill. I feel awful when I think about my financial situation, but I feel like I'm going to break into pieces when I think about hers. She's 56 and has absolutely no savings. Not a fucking dime. How is she going to retire? Willy's only 17. And, because we don't have money to send him to college and he doesn't have the grades to get a scholarship, he's going into the marines.
Sometimes I just can't handle it. I think about how some people have such an easy life, and they don't even appreciate it. I was talking to a girl at SCC (where I'm taking O. chem) and she was saying how she's making her dad pay for her book (over $200 by the way; luckily Selina let me borrow hers), about how her dad pays for her car, about how her dad pays for her schooling. And she makes $13 an hour sitting at an air conditioning place filing stuff because it's owned by her boyfriend's family. I couldn't even formulate a response. Just hearing someone expect their parent to pay for something, to expect to be reimbursed for items just because they don't want to spend their own money on it is... striking to me. I would feel so ashamed to expect my parents to do everything for me financially. It's different to be thankful and to fully understand the sacrifices your parent might be making for your education, but to expect everything makes me very irritated. I'm really glad I will never be rich, because I don't want to have children that turn out to be spoiled bums.
I'm so tired of always worrying about money. I can only hope that next month will bring me peace. At least I won't be driving so much. I know that there's good in everything that happens, or at least there's good if you want to find it. I think that this period of my life will teach me the values that I'll carry throughout my life, but right now it's utterly frustrating.
Fuck people who have life handed to them simply because they popped out of the right vagina.