Hard Day
It's been a hard day today. I had great friends from seminary come for a visit, and I love having them here. And it always makes me feel a bit more my "self" when I get to see seminary friends.
Personally, I'm struggling. I found out Monday that the PART-TIME, INTERIM minister here made SEVEN THOUSAND more dollars a year than I do AND had a better pension and health insurance. WTF? So, that has me depressed and has kinda got me kicked in the backside to get my papers in order and out. I have everything together but 2 references and my background check completed. But how I'm going to pay for said background check is beyond me. But it's time to start looking for a new place. I long for the city and the things it can provide. I long for Cleveland, but let's be serious...me finding a church in Cleveland is slim-to-none. :-( But who knows, God does work in mysterious ways.
My Mom is having issues. She's in continuous pain since her second fistula surgery. She doesn't know if it aggravated her carpal tunnel (however you spell that) or if this is a new issue etc. She hasn't received a disability check for FOUR MONTHS so money is non-exisitant. It sucks. So, she's back down here, living with me for a couple of weeks because of some of those issues. I love having her here...but it's the principle behind it. She shouldn't have to live this way. She SHOULD have her damn checks. She paid into it, so quit processing it and send her her damn money! I mean really...she is SERIOUSLY disabled, and not taking advantage of the system, so cut the damn check already.
Then I get a phone call about a church member today who died. It was like a sucker punch. She'd been in and out of the hospital last week. I saw her a week ago Monday and knew she was slipping away. I sat with her and her sons for a bit, and then told her I loved her. She told me she loved me very much too...and we prayed together. But apprently, she had a pacemaker put in on Monday. Did anyone call and tell me? No. I know, I can't be anywhere unless I'm told. But damnit, I should've been there. IDK. This sucks. So with her passing away, and all the other stuff, I'm just struggling to get along today. I'll get to do the service, for which I am grateful...esp since I actually knew this woman...not as well as others, because as long as I've known her, she's been housebound, or at the nursing home. But I loved her, cared for her and I do care for her family. *sigh*
Anyway, I know God is present. I know I am not alone. But I'd sure like to feel some of God's presence right about now.
Personally, I'm struggling. I found out Monday that the PART-TIME, INTERIM minister here made SEVEN THOUSAND more dollars a year than I do AND had a better pension and health insurance. WTF? So, that has me depressed and has kinda got me kicked in the backside to get my papers in order and out. I have everything together but 2 references and my background check completed. But how I'm going to pay for said background check is beyond me. But it's time to start looking for a new place. I long for the city and the things it can provide. I long for Cleveland, but let's be serious...me finding a church in Cleveland is slim-to-none. :-( But who knows, God does work in mysterious ways.
My Mom is having issues. She's in continuous pain since her second fistula surgery. She doesn't know if it aggravated her carpal tunnel (however you spell that) or if this is a new issue etc. She hasn't received a disability check for FOUR MONTHS so money is non-exisitant. It sucks. So, she's back down here, living with me for a couple of weeks because of some of those issues. I love having her here...but it's the principle behind it. She shouldn't have to live this way. She SHOULD have her damn checks. She paid into it, so quit processing it and send her her damn money! I mean really...she is SERIOUSLY disabled, and not taking advantage of the system, so cut the damn check already.
Then I get a phone call about a church member today who died. It was like a sucker punch. She'd been in and out of the hospital last week. I saw her a week ago Monday and knew she was slipping away. I sat with her and her sons for a bit, and then told her I loved her. She told me she loved me very much too...and we prayed together. But apprently, she had a pacemaker put in on Monday. Did anyone call and tell me? No. I know, I can't be anywhere unless I'm told. But damnit, I should've been there. IDK. This sucks. So with her passing away, and all the other stuff, I'm just struggling to get along today. I'll get to do the service, for which I am grateful...esp since I actually knew this woman...not as well as others, because as long as I've known her, she's been housebound, or at the nursing home. But I loved her, cared for her and I do care for her family. *sigh*
Anyway, I know God is present. I know I am not alone. But I'd sure like to feel some of God's presence right about now.