Loving Kindness
Yesterday, I had the opportunity to hear my favorite professor, Michael Kinnamon, speak to an Ecumenical group in Columbus. I, of course, was simply excited to get to see him. It has been nearly 2 years since I left Eden, and Michael's heavy gaze...a gaze that was frequently protective, always supportive and sometimes critical.
Michael was the one professor who truly kicked me in the pants at seminary. My first semester, it is of little secret, that I was close to flunking out. I was making very bad decisions, emotionally and physically, and he could see it. He may not have known everything that was going on, but he knew something was up.
One day, after receiving a very poor grade on a paper for his class, he called me into his office. I found him greatly intimidating, and was scared because I knew I was "in trouble" for my grades. He went on to inform me that he had been talking to my other professors and they all found the same thing with me, that I was dancing around the outside of the seminary experience and if I didn't jump in with both feet, I'd be leaving. He went on to tell me, that he believe that God had called me to Eden, and he trusted the references with which I came, but was serious that I was on my way out if I didn't make some serious changes. (MIchael was one, that if he believed you shouldn't be at seminary, would tell you so to your face. Or write it in red ink on your papers. So for him to believe in me, was something amazing and awesome...although I needed to hate him first.)
I, of course, cried. A lot. Both in his office and out. He went on Sabbatical that next semester, so for most of that semester, I actively hated him. I hated when someone brought his name up. I hated him when I saw him across campus. I hated him when I was studying. Durning that semester, I had to take an oral exam. And I failed it. And for whatever reason, I emailed him to tell him. I knew on some level he would help. I knew on some level, everything he had done and said to me was for my own good. But I still "hated" hi. He responded quickly to my email. He wanted to set up a weekly meeting with me, and we would work on my oral exam. So for nearly 2 years, I met with him -- preparing for my oral evaluation.
At Eden, you cannot graduate unless you pass the oral. And obviously I did. But the moment in Michael's office changed my life...and for the better. Now, the Deanna who was reprimanded back then, wouldn't have acknowledge this then, but the Deanna now, is very glad he kicked me in the pants.
Michael has always been there for me. If I ever needed anything. And I could continue listing those things here, but it's only important to me. So seeing him last night, was important. I knew the moment he saw me in the congregation while preaching. His face lit up and he smiled. Afterwards, I waited until most of the people had left, before I went to talk with him. I wanted to have more than 30 secs with him. I stood next to him, waiting for him to finish talking with someone...and he put his arm around me, and pulled me to him...and said the this other person, "I'm sorry. I really need to hug this person." And there we stood with his arm around my shoulder, giving me that "love tap" or whatever, for a few minutes. I felt so loved, and so cared for, still by this man who kicked my ass. I couldn't believe that he still loved me, 2 years after I had left. He made me feel special, and loved.
More importantly, he is an example of loving kindness. Sometimes loving kindness does not come in soft words, but rather hard ones. And sometimes, it's just sitting there, listening to someone cry. Other times, it to show that you still love them, even after your part of their journey is finished and you show them that you still love and care for them.
My hope is that everyone has a person in their lives that is able to reveal this to them.
Michael was the one professor who truly kicked me in the pants at seminary. My first semester, it is of little secret, that I was close to flunking out. I was making very bad decisions, emotionally and physically, and he could see it. He may not have known everything that was going on, but he knew something was up.
One day, after receiving a very poor grade on a paper for his class, he called me into his office. I found him greatly intimidating, and was scared because I knew I was "in trouble" for my grades. He went on to inform me that he had been talking to my other professors and they all found the same thing with me, that I was dancing around the outside of the seminary experience and if I didn't jump in with both feet, I'd be leaving. He went on to tell me, that he believe that God had called me to Eden, and he trusted the references with which I came, but was serious that I was on my way out if I didn't make some serious changes. (MIchael was one, that if he believed you shouldn't be at seminary, would tell you so to your face. Or write it in red ink on your papers. So for him to believe in me, was something amazing and awesome...although I needed to hate him first.)
I, of course, cried. A lot. Both in his office and out. He went on Sabbatical that next semester, so for most of that semester, I actively hated him. I hated when someone brought his name up. I hated him when I saw him across campus. I hated him when I was studying. Durning that semester, I had to take an oral exam. And I failed it. And for whatever reason, I emailed him to tell him. I knew on some level he would help. I knew on some level, everything he had done and said to me was for my own good. But I still "hated" hi. He responded quickly to my email. He wanted to set up a weekly meeting with me, and we would work on my oral exam. So for nearly 2 years, I met with him -- preparing for my oral evaluation.
At Eden, you cannot graduate unless you pass the oral. And obviously I did. But the moment in Michael's office changed my life...and for the better. Now, the Deanna who was reprimanded back then, wouldn't have acknowledge this then, but the Deanna now, is very glad he kicked me in the pants.
Michael has always been there for me. If I ever needed anything. And I could continue listing those things here, but it's only important to me. So seeing him last night, was important. I knew the moment he saw me in the congregation while preaching. His face lit up and he smiled. Afterwards, I waited until most of the people had left, before I went to talk with him. I wanted to have more than 30 secs with him. I stood next to him, waiting for him to finish talking with someone...and he put his arm around me, and pulled me to him...and said the this other person, "I'm sorry. I really need to hug this person." And there we stood with his arm around my shoulder, giving me that "love tap" or whatever, for a few minutes. I felt so loved, and so cared for, still by this man who kicked my ass. I couldn't believe that he still loved me, 2 years after I had left. He made me feel special, and loved.
More importantly, he is an example of loving kindness. Sometimes loving kindness does not come in soft words, but rather hard ones. And sometimes, it's just sitting there, listening to someone cry. Other times, it to show that you still love them, even after your part of their journey is finished and you show them that you still love and care for them.
My hope is that everyone has a person in their lives that is able to reveal this to them.