(no subject)
I just went back and re-read my post about growing up at 27. About maybe coming to the point of wanting a family eventually. Because of that I started talking to Paul about it more.
Advice from my mom recently was that if you're getting married you have to be on the same page about money and the same page about kids. Everything else is just details. And I think Paul and I think the same about money more or less so I'm not worried about that. But the kid thing is bothering me a little.
Just to clarify... I still don't want kids. What I WANT is that when I'm old, to have a family around me. When my parents are gone, maybe older siblings are gone, if Paul is gone... I don't want to be alone. And I want my parents to have grandkids. These are not good reasons to have kids. To essentially feel like I'm ruining my life for 20 years to eventually get the parts that I want. HOWEVER, I'm just open to the possibility that I might change my mind.
Paul is not.
I had a little hope the first time I brought it up when his first response is that maybe a part of him wants kids, but generally no. That is basically how I feel. But the last time I brought it up he mentioned wanting a vasectomy. Like, now. His reasoning is basically global conservation. He hates how the overpopulation problem is affecting the earth, and sees no reason to contribute to that. I agree with that part. But being a biologist, I'm worried that my genetic predisposition to procreate might one day overpower that rational thought. I might try to fall back on the argument that if every couple only had 2 kids, the population would not increase. But every couple does NOT stop at two kids, and someone needs to counteract that.
So then there's the possibility of maybe deciding to adopt in 10 years or so? After we've travelled the world, had the freedom to develop our careers, and still don't add to the population. I don't know if I'll want that. I don't know if my own genes are that important to me. And I don't know if this is even all a moot point.
But I'm just terrified that we get married, I change my mind about kids, and the only option to me is leaving him. WHAT IF THAT HAPPENS?!?!
I can still imagine that the whole kids question is way off in the distance. But the marriage question is NOT. I would imagine it is not very far in the distance at all, and I can't imagine changing my mind on that just because of this "what if". I won't give him up for a what if... it would kill me right now.
Well... as I try to end all my conversations with Paul openly... "it's something to think about".
Advice from my mom recently was that if you're getting married you have to be on the same page about money and the same page about kids. Everything else is just details. And I think Paul and I think the same about money more or less so I'm not worried about that. But the kid thing is bothering me a little.
Just to clarify... I still don't want kids. What I WANT is that when I'm old, to have a family around me. When my parents are gone, maybe older siblings are gone, if Paul is gone... I don't want to be alone. And I want my parents to have grandkids. These are not good reasons to have kids. To essentially feel like I'm ruining my life for 20 years to eventually get the parts that I want. HOWEVER, I'm just open to the possibility that I might change my mind.
Paul is not.
I had a little hope the first time I brought it up when his first response is that maybe a part of him wants kids, but generally no. That is basically how I feel. But the last time I brought it up he mentioned wanting a vasectomy. Like, now. His reasoning is basically global conservation. He hates how the overpopulation problem is affecting the earth, and sees no reason to contribute to that. I agree with that part. But being a biologist, I'm worried that my genetic predisposition to procreate might one day overpower that rational thought. I might try to fall back on the argument that if every couple only had 2 kids, the population would not increase. But every couple does NOT stop at two kids, and someone needs to counteract that.
So then there's the possibility of maybe deciding to adopt in 10 years or so? After we've travelled the world, had the freedom to develop our careers, and still don't add to the population. I don't know if I'll want that. I don't know if my own genes are that important to me. And I don't know if this is even all a moot point.
But I'm just terrified that we get married, I change my mind about kids, and the only option to me is leaving him. WHAT IF THAT HAPPENS?!?!
I can still imagine that the whole kids question is way off in the distance. But the marriage question is NOT. I would imagine it is not very far in the distance at all, and I can't imagine changing my mind on that just because of this "what if". I won't give him up for a what if... it would kill me right now.
Well... as I try to end all my conversations with Paul openly... "it's something to think about".