What they do behind Closed Doors (Part 1 cause it was too long)
Title: What they do behind Closed Doors (1)
Pairing: Yesung x Kyuhyun
Genre: Smut, Humor... can’t seem to write anything else for this pairing. AU.
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Jongwoon’s outstanding personality has managed to lock Kyuhyun and him for the night inside the zoo’s reptile pavilion. Kyuhyun is scared of reptiles… this obviously calls for comfort sex. Too bad they fail at comfort sex.
Disclaimer: If I owned them, I’d lock them somewhere other than the zoo.
Warning: This entire fic is one big warning. Mostly uber-fail!Yesung and somewhat slutty, manipulative Kyuhyun.
A/N: Thanks to my lovely nekrichi, who told me they don’t sound in love, this fic now has a huge bucket of fluff somewhere in the middle. <3. Otherwise it’s based on a daydream I’ve had at work, so FML.
Jongwoon is crouched on all fours on the bathroom floor, back arched impossibly and firm, denim-clad behind way too high in the air for it to be considered a completely innocent position. Even so, Kyuhyun - who is standing right behind him, hands on either hip while he tries to will away another nervous tic - is currently way too fidgety to adequately appreciate said spectacular view.
It’s been exactly twelve minutes since he had realized Jongwoon has managed to - once again - get them stuck in one of his infamous no way out situations. Kyuhyun can only hope for a streak of pure, dumb luck - for he has no intention of spending the night within the dimly lit confines of Seoul zoo’s reptile pavilion, shouting out to the idiots - also known as night guards - who have somehow managed to lock them both inside the building in the first place.
Kyuhyun should have known visiting the zoo with the resident Dr. Doolittle would be a very bad, unwise idea. Still, it wasn’t as if he could deny the evidence of utter glee on his partner’s face, each time they would spot a previously unviewed creature.
Alarmingly enough, Jongwoon had also appeared to be contemplating adoption for each and every one of the zoo’s tenants.
In Kyuhyun’s case, that had been nothing short of a threat - considering their own shared household had already consisted of - in addition to the both of them - three turtles and a shaggy black puppy Jongwoon had picked up one especially rainy evening, out of pity; as well as a few dozen shiny insect corpses framed on their corridor’s walls - as a reminder of Jongwoon’s rather nerdy, bug-collecting childhood.
Kyuhyun could positively swear the things had a life of their own, and would bat their small, translucent wings at him in accusation - each and every midnight trip to the bathroom.
Some days, he wondered whether the affectionate Jongwoon had hung the bugs in there as part of a devious plan for Kyuhyun to seek comfort at the end of every such trip, requiring him to use the shorter guy as some sort of a warm, overprotective extra-blanket; as if they hadn’t cuddled enough as it was.
Still, more often than not, his boyfriend seemed way too oblivious for such inhumane cruelty, and Kyuhyun dreaded the inevitable day Jongwoon decides it’s time for them to adopt actual living, breathing, human children.
Partially because - since Jongwoon worked from home and he didn’t, Kyuhyun had very little doubt as to whom these hypothetical children would look up to. Having not one but a few clingy Jongwoons to come home to seemed like a terrifying prospect - he’d end up squished to death.
Mostly though, he feared for the children themselves - since regardless of living together for a whole of two months already, Jongwoon and his cooking skills had not yet progressed beyond cereal, instant noodles and the occasional take-out.
Today’s date had seemed like nothing special, unless you counted Jongwoon - despite supposedly being a responsible twenty-seven year old - bouncing up and down in front of the elephants in sheer excitement until one of the wise, magnificent animals had decided to wrap a trunk around his waist and try lifting him up above the barrier and into its own, bordered living space.
And that was how Kyuhyun had again been proven of how it wasn’t just Jongwoon who’d been on a mission to adopt every living creature at sight. The intentions were apparently mutual, and Kyuhyun had almost had to resist shouting at the shameless animal to lay its dirty trunk off his property. After all, he’d had first dibs.
The day had progressed in a similar manner, and by 17:34, less than half an hour before the zoo’s supposed closing time, Kyuhyun had decided he’d earned himself a well-deserved break.
Locking himself inside a convenient bathroom stall at the back of the reptile pavilion, he’d left his boyfriend to his own business of poking at the various tanks, amused by the reactions of the lizards -so different compared to his turtles back at home.
Gullibly trusting Jongwoon to have enough common sense, Kyuhyun had left his Smartphone at the dispense of the forgetful elder - who had apparently left his own phone behind; connected to the charger in their bedroom.
Kyuhyun was sitting cross-legged on the closed lid of the toilet, thoroughly absorbed in one of his pathetic, recurring fantasies of an idealistic world in which he wouldn’t have to - not unlike a knight - constantly battle all kinds of cold-blooded creatures for Jongwoon’s attention, when there was a knock on the stall’s plastic door.
There was no need to hear Jongwoon’s voice in order for Kyuhyun to identify his sudden visitor - after all, he’d recognize those distinctive shabby sneakers in his sleep - however, the voice had sounded way too guilty to be bringing him anything but bad news.
“Kyuhyun-ah? I think we have a problem…”
“Of course we do,” Kyuhyun muttered, standing up to unlock the door unenthusiastically, “why’s it that you can’t - just once - announce we’ve won the lottery or… wait, why it is so dark all of a sudden?!”
“I think they’ve closed for the night.” Jongwoon would have looked even guiltier, had that been possible. As in, finger-clutching, lip-biting, eyes firmly on the ground - avoiding you - type of guilty. The type that’s screaming I’m a grown man, but I bet you wanna pinch my cheeks.
Kyuhyun’s fingers were itching to do just that, but he’d managed to will the urge away for the time-being.
“You think? How could they close, aren’t they supposed to check for remaining visitors?”
“Maybe, but I was on the ground and that palm tree…” Jongwoon pointed to his left and sure enough - there was a palm tree. An artificial one, “well, you couldn’t see me from the entrance.”
“And the guard was what, too lazy to do an actual round around the place? What were you doing on the floor anyway; cooing at a lizard?!”
“Uh, yeah… about that,” add another gesture to the picture and Jongwoon would surely break the Guinness record for world’s guiltiest-looking boyfriend, “I should probably start from the beginning…”
Well, they were most definitely screwed.
Apparently, Jongwoon - once he had poked a bit around Kyuhyun’s phone - had rediscovered his favorite feature… the multi-mega-pixel camera, and had been shooting a book-worth of pictures of an especially vicious alligator snapping turtle, when he’d managed to somehow drop the device down past a medium-height railing and into the water pond below.
Kyuhyun’s only consolations had been the facts that a) his cellphone ended up on a lily pad, as opposed to in the water and b) it hadn’t been eaten - yet; but the huge, carnivorous reptile was guarding it very closely with its constant attention span. Out of all the turtle species in the world, they’d just had to end up stuck with the only one with no ability to blink.
Jongwoon had spent a great deal of time trying to reach the phone through the fence, but his arms had proven themselves too short. It hadn’t surprised Kyuhyun that his hyung’s fingers had remained intact - after all, turtles loved Jongwoon - even the monstrous, flesh-eating types.
Still, he was sure he’d experience no such luck. Thus he had outright refused to try and reach the phone with his own, slightly longer appendages.
Never mind he would surely end up as an amputee; Kyuhyun had an unexplainable, inconceivable, in-friggin-controllable fear of anything that was even remotely creepy or crawly. He had only learnt to live with Jongwoon’s turtles because, each time he applied the “It’s either me or them pizza-eaters!” ultimatum, Jongwoon would give him the ‘how dare you kick my turtle?’ pout. A dozen times of trying this ineffective technique later, Kyuhyun had finally come to the depressing conclusion that his chances of winning against the little green rocks were slim to none.
It wasn’t as if he’d been misinformed of what he was getting himself into, when his latest one-night-stand had transformed into a few casual dinners - no strings attached. Some really awkward confessions later, they’d decided to stop fooling themselves and call it actual dating, which had eventually resulted in Jongwoon and him sharing a tiny, overpopulated one-bedroom apartment located on the outskirts of Hell-Knows-Where, Seoul.
Kyuhyun had known from that very first morning on which he’d woken up with the terrifying knowledge of being in love that he would be required to - in addition to a life companion - take on a whole load of virtual extra baggage. A while of living together (and one particularly painful confrontation with an obsessive ex of Jongwoon’s), and Kyuhyun was pretty sure he was the only man his lover had his eyes on. Still, being the possessive person he was, Kyuhyun couldn’t help but feel a bit cheated at having to share him with animals.
o.0
And now Jongwoon is kneeling on the bathroom stall’s dirty, stained floor - in hope of unscrewing the long, loosely-held metal rod which is supposed to be sporting at least a few rolls of toilet paper, but is in reality just hanging there all rusty and forgotten, as if begging for somebody to come and take it out of its pitiful misery - by using it to nudge at random leaves. Unscrewing it - as in, with his bare hands.
“Would you hurry up already? This place is giving me the creeps!” Kyuhyun is aware - on some level - of not being of any help, but it’s not like he is currently in his right mind. It takes him all of his willpower to refrain from kicking Jongwoon in the seater. Gently, of course.
“I am trying my best, you know. What do you want me to do, use my teeth?”
“Just you wait, Kim Jongwoon. I’mma use my teeth on you - so hard you won’t be able to-“
“Why don’t you use your spidery fingers instead?” Jongwoon interrupts his dear lover’s threats, “Or do you want mine to start bleeding?” he turns around in order to get up and presents Kyuhyun with the results of his hard work. Sure enough, the skin on the pads of his fingers has begun peeling off at places.
Kyuhyun can’t deny he feels a bit sorry for the guy. No wonder they require the services of handymen so often; Kyuhyun is only apt at fixing computer-related issues, while Jongwoon can’t even unscrew a bolt without hurting himself in the process. It’s truly a miracle how he manages to switch them light bulbs without getting electrocuted.
“You know I can’t…” Kyuhyun draws out, digging around his brain frantically for a valid enough excuse. He fails to recall whether he’d already used up his ‘can’t be bothered - cause I’m too lazy’ card for the day. Jongwoon is staring at him expectantly, “…it’d hurt your image as the man in this relationship?” Kyuhyun suggests.
“That’s not what you were claiming last night.” comes the somewhat ironic reply.
“I deserve to top too goddammit!” Kyuhyun turns away in anger, kicks the stall’s flimsy door open with his foot and begins a stride in the direction of the South-American lizards’ tank. Halfway there, he realizes his big mistake and does a one-eighty, not stopping until he is back in front of Jongwoon - an offended scowl plastered onto his lips.
“So… you’re only a man when you feel like it?” Jongwoon greets him by shaking his head, then scratches it. Does his dongsaeng even want his precious phone back? Kyuhyun’s entire life - aka busy work schedule - is supposedly on that 16GB flash card, not to mention the many naked pictures of him sleeping. After all, Jongwoon tends to get easily bored - waiting for his night-owl of a boyfriend to wake up on days off.
“Take that back...” and now Kyuhyun is putting up his entire six-year-old at the dentist’s act, complete with arms crossed over his chest and a pout on his way-too-plump-to-be-real lips. “Take it back or I swear I’m walking out on you the moment we get out of here. I’m gonna move out and you’ll never see me again.”
“What?! No… you can’t do that! You know I was kidding, right? I didn’t mean any of this.” Jongwoon does the only reasonable thing to do in this kind of situation - he apologizes. Not with words, no; he takes a seat on the toilet lid and begins running both hands along his standing lover’s thighs - in hope of calming him down a bit.
The only thing this achieves is Kyuhyun tensing up even further, and Jongwoon slings an arm around his waist, leaning forward to press a cheek against Kyuhyun’s stomach in an intimate embrace. Or well, Kyuhyun is sure this would be considered intimate - had he been Jongwoon’s pregnant girlfriend. Seeing as he isn’t, it only gets him riled up.
“Are you waiting for it to kick or something?” asks Kyuhyun, but the reference appears to be lost on his clinging boyfriend. Kyuhyun sighs and plies Jongwoon off of himself, “Now that I think about it, perhaps it’d be best if we just called it quits. We obviously have nothing in common and-“
“Is this because of your phone? Because really - I was hoping there’s another way, but I bet that water is only knee-deep. I could probably jump down there and get it in seconds.” Jongwoon tries to get up, but Kyuhyun is blocking his escape route with a suddenly frightened expression.
“Don’t, I’d hate to see you drown and... that monster’s gonna feed on your dead corpse” he whispers in a trembling voice.
“Why not?” Jongwoon decides to ignore the false threats. Even though he does tend to fail a lot at basic things like swimming, and those turtles actually are known for being scavengers… Kyuhyun is probably just being overdramatic. Nothing unusual in that… right? “You’re obviously mad because I’ve let you down - again - and I love you way too much to lose you cause I might catch a cold or something… or the other… Kyu?”
Jongwoon is taken aback when - all of a sudden - Kyuhyun is on the floor, hugging him in the knees. The younger keeps shaking his head, and Jongwoon resists petting it - in fear Kyuhyun realizes he’s being treated as a puppy and consequentially snaps.
“Say it again.” Kyuhyun requests.
“I’ve let you down? I know, I’m sorry…”
“No, dammit. The other part.” Must Jongwoon be so dense? Had Kyuhyun felt the need to dump his boyfriend each time the man failed at one thing or another, he would have done it way back on their fifth casual date - when Jongwoon’s tripping over his own feet on perfectly flat ground had resulted in Kyuhyun’s sprained ankle.
“I might catch a… I love you? I thought that was obvious!”
“The hell it is! You’ve never said so before.”
“I… haven’t?” Jongwoon pauses in the middle of inhaling, forgetting to let the air out. Now he looks something between guilty and constipated, and Kyuhyun gets more comfortable on the floor - mentally preparing himself for a serious conversation.
“No, you haven’t. I’ve told you that I love you four times and all you ever say is ‘me too’ or, that one time at the park - ‘right back at’cha’, never the actual words. Not when you asked me to move in with you, not even on my own birthday, never. So what exactly am I supposed to think? Am I just a convenient warm body or what? Do answer!”
What is he supposed to think? Jongwoon isn’t sure. He kind of hates himself for being so ignorant -of course his silly Kyu would keep track of such things - the kid is practically a genius. Four times? Really? Jongwoon had always thought saying me too was a sufficient enough comeback, and now he’s kind of at a loss. The apologies are stuck on the tip of his tongue - itching to roll out, but none of them seem adequate under current circumstances.
Instead - he tugs Kyuhyun up by seams connecting his sleeves to the rest of his t-shirt, and - when Kyuhyun ends up perched on his lap in quite an awkward position - wraps both arms around the taller guy, as though he’s overcompensating for all those rough childhood years when his unreasonably strict parents would deprive him of teddybears.
Jongwoon appears to be somewhere way deep in a trance. He ends up rocking his boyfriend back and forth - and honestly, that would have probably worked better had Kyuhyun not been so friggin’ tall - whispering all kinds of sweet nothings into Kyuhyun’s neck and jaw line - most of which consist of I’m sorry’s and I love you’s, with a few random endearments thrown in for good measure. Why had he never called Kyuhyun sweetie before? Sounds kind of nice, it does…
The funniest thing is - Kyuhyun lets him. He lets Jongwoon run his hands up and down his back soothingly, allows him to use all these ridiculous nicknames and, by the time the last love you, Kyuhyunnie lands straight onto his lips, Kyuhyun is pretty much a quivering heap of putty against the older man.
He sort of feels like an especially hefty piece of volcano cake - sickeningly sweet and filled to the brim with warm, liquid chocolate that’s just begging to be devoured… not to mention the all too ready to explode part. He is blushing for all the wrong reasons, too - what’s with his thighs trying to spread on their own accord in blatant invitation - each time Jongwoon’s fingers accidentally brush against his tailbone.
Trust Cho Kyuhyun to get overwhelmingly turned on when his guilt-ridden boyfriend is merely trying to prevent his sorry ass from being kicked out of his own apartment and onto the curb. Not that he expects Jongwoon to think any better of him; after all - he did put out on the very first, lame excuse of a date. Never mind he’d been tremendously drunk and hey, that is what one night stands entail. Usually.
You see, Kyuhyun is an aspiring professional - so at the young age of 23 he already holds the made-up position of ‘vice system administrator’ for a small chain of gourmet supermarkets. This mostly means he is required to deal with a whole load of bullshit, such as staying up all night when a bunch of cash registers decide to go on strike and stop milking people out of their hard-earned cash.
A while ago, his management had decided to make the chain’s internet homepage more appealing with a complete makeover - in hope the pleasant background would trigger customers to order more online or… whatever their financial considerations had been.
Instead of addressing a prestigious design salon with some actual reputation, Kyuhyun’s boss had decided to cut the expenses to minimum and hire a freelancer; so that’s how Kyuhyun had found himself on the doorstep of one Kim Jongwoon - on his way to retrieve a logo-less CD filled with codes and images too heavy to be sent by e-mail.
Kyuhyun had by no means been a happy camper - since come on, there should have been people of much lower rank for completing such mundane duties - that’s it, until he’d seen Jongwoon in person.
He had - right then and there - made it his mission to get to know this outcast of a web-designer better. That, or get into his pants - whichever came first. He’d decided his cash-hungry boss could wait, and had - by pure scheming - managed to persuade Jongwoon into celebrating this job-well-done at the nearest bar; firm’s treat.
Kyuhyun gave very little fuck as to whether Jongwoon had been too much of an outsider to realize that’s not how you usually do business, or was simply attracted to him as well - since he could work with either. Still, Jongwoon wasn’t that clueless, so he’d eventually figured that when a guy intentionally gets himself drunk in front of you, and then proceeds to sit on your lap and giggle things of very little sense into your ear… well, yeah - that’s not how you congratulate somebody on fulfilling a contract.
Having no real gender preference, Jongwoon had decided to simply go with the flow - and that’s how he’d acquired himself an evil, calculating boyfriend. And the supermarket’s logo now sports a cartoon turtle with a shopping cart.
When Jongwoon runs out of comforting things to say, he begins nibbling on Kyuhyun’s upper lip - simply for the sake of it. Kyuhyun turns away, burying his face into Jongwoon’s shoulder in shame - and the latter could have sworn his crotch had just been rubbed against quite deliberately.
“Admit it though…” Kyuhyun’s voice sounds strained, as if he’s weighing each and every one of his words carefully, “you don’t really mean any of this. After all, you’ve been ignoring me the entire day… don’t you think I deserve to be made up to, hyung?”
Kyuhyun’s accusations, as accurate as they may be, sound about as insincere as they could possibly get - what’s with his still moist lips mouthing the words into Jongwoon’s skin. There is simply way too much hot breath on Jongwoon’s bare neck, so that’s obviously the only reason he shudders.
Now…Jongwoon is not a pedophile; he knows there is a very prominent, thick line between sexual crimes and role-playing; and anyways, Kyuhyun is far from being underage. However, it is kind of hard to keep this line firmly in its place when Kyuhyun keeps abusing honorifics during sex. In fact, it is nearly impossible - since those are pretty much the only times he uses honorifics altogether. When he had only just discovered this particular kink of Jongwoon’s, Kyuhyun would taunt his relatively older lover by calling him ajusshi at the most inappropriate of times. As in - during sex.
Lately though, Kyuhyun seems to have acknowledged the effectiveness of such evil mind games, and so he keeps engaging in overly uncharacteristic behavior; pulling said string expertly each time he desires anything of the sexual variety.
Up until this very moment, Jongwoon had been under the mistaken impression now is neither the time nor the place for that to happen, but another wave of all-consuming guilt washes this belief completely out of existence with its foamy finality.
If sex is what Kyuhyun wants - as opposed to his phone, or even getting the hell out of here as fast as it is humanely possible - sex is exactly what he’s going to get. Even if, with the way things are turning out to be - it might end up with Jongwoon pinned a bit too hard against the flush tank.
Well… as long as he manages to avoid the handle leaving marks on his back, he should be fine.
Click-y here for Part 2!
Pairing: Yesung x Kyuhyun
Genre: Smut, Humor... can’t seem to write anything else for this pairing. AU.
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Jongwoon’s outstanding personality has managed to lock Kyuhyun and him for the night inside the zoo’s reptile pavilion. Kyuhyun is scared of reptiles… this obviously calls for comfort sex. Too bad they fail at comfort sex.
Disclaimer: If I owned them, I’d lock them somewhere other than the zoo.
Warning: This entire fic is one big warning. Mostly uber-fail!Yesung and somewhat slutty, manipulative Kyuhyun.
A/N: Thanks to my lovely nekrichi, who told me they don’t sound in love, this fic now has a huge bucket of fluff somewhere in the middle. <3. Otherwise it’s based on a daydream I’ve had at work, so FML.
Jongwoon is crouched on all fours on the bathroom floor, back arched impossibly and firm, denim-clad behind way too high in the air for it to be considered a completely innocent position. Even so, Kyuhyun - who is standing right behind him, hands on either hip while he tries to will away another nervous tic - is currently way too fidgety to adequately appreciate said spectacular view.
It’s been exactly twelve minutes since he had realized Jongwoon has managed to - once again - get them stuck in one of his infamous no way out situations. Kyuhyun can only hope for a streak of pure, dumb luck - for he has no intention of spending the night within the dimly lit confines of Seoul zoo’s reptile pavilion, shouting out to the idiots - also known as night guards - who have somehow managed to lock them both inside the building in the first place.
Kyuhyun should have known visiting the zoo with the resident Dr. Doolittle would be a very bad, unwise idea. Still, it wasn’t as if he could deny the evidence of utter glee on his partner’s face, each time they would spot a previously unviewed creature.
Alarmingly enough, Jongwoon had also appeared to be contemplating adoption for each and every one of the zoo’s tenants.
In Kyuhyun’s case, that had been nothing short of a threat - considering their own shared household had already consisted of - in addition to the both of them - three turtles and a shaggy black puppy Jongwoon had picked up one especially rainy evening, out of pity; as well as a few dozen shiny insect corpses framed on their corridor’s walls - as a reminder of Jongwoon’s rather nerdy, bug-collecting childhood.
Kyuhyun could positively swear the things had a life of their own, and would bat their small, translucent wings at him in accusation - each and every midnight trip to the bathroom.
Some days, he wondered whether the affectionate Jongwoon had hung the bugs in there as part of a devious plan for Kyuhyun to seek comfort at the end of every such trip, requiring him to use the shorter guy as some sort of a warm, overprotective extra-blanket; as if they hadn’t cuddled enough as it was.
Still, more often than not, his boyfriend seemed way too oblivious for such inhumane cruelty, and Kyuhyun dreaded the inevitable day Jongwoon decides it’s time for them to adopt actual living, breathing, human children.
Partially because - since Jongwoon worked from home and he didn’t, Kyuhyun had very little doubt as to whom these hypothetical children would look up to. Having not one but a few clingy Jongwoons to come home to seemed like a terrifying prospect - he’d end up squished to death.
Mostly though, he feared for the children themselves - since regardless of living together for a whole of two months already, Jongwoon and his cooking skills had not yet progressed beyond cereal, instant noodles and the occasional take-out.
Today’s date had seemed like nothing special, unless you counted Jongwoon - despite supposedly being a responsible twenty-seven year old - bouncing up and down in front of the elephants in sheer excitement until one of the wise, magnificent animals had decided to wrap a trunk around his waist and try lifting him up above the barrier and into its own, bordered living space.
And that was how Kyuhyun had again been proven of how it wasn’t just Jongwoon who’d been on a mission to adopt every living creature at sight. The intentions were apparently mutual, and Kyuhyun had almost had to resist shouting at the shameless animal to lay its dirty trunk off his property. After all, he’d had first dibs.
The day had progressed in a similar manner, and by 17:34, less than half an hour before the zoo’s supposed closing time, Kyuhyun had decided he’d earned himself a well-deserved break.
Locking himself inside a convenient bathroom stall at the back of the reptile pavilion, he’d left his boyfriend to his own business of poking at the various tanks, amused by the reactions of the lizards -so different compared to his turtles back at home.
Gullibly trusting Jongwoon to have enough common sense, Kyuhyun had left his Smartphone at the dispense of the forgetful elder - who had apparently left his own phone behind; connected to the charger in their bedroom.
Kyuhyun was sitting cross-legged on the closed lid of the toilet, thoroughly absorbed in one of his pathetic, recurring fantasies of an idealistic world in which he wouldn’t have to - not unlike a knight - constantly battle all kinds of cold-blooded creatures for Jongwoon’s attention, when there was a knock on the stall’s plastic door.
There was no need to hear Jongwoon’s voice in order for Kyuhyun to identify his sudden visitor - after all, he’d recognize those distinctive shabby sneakers in his sleep - however, the voice had sounded way too guilty to be bringing him anything but bad news.
“Kyuhyun-ah? I think we have a problem…”
“Of course we do,” Kyuhyun muttered, standing up to unlock the door unenthusiastically, “why’s it that you can’t - just once - announce we’ve won the lottery or… wait, why it is so dark all of a sudden?!”
“I think they’ve closed for the night.” Jongwoon would have looked even guiltier, had that been possible. As in, finger-clutching, lip-biting, eyes firmly on the ground - avoiding you - type of guilty. The type that’s screaming I’m a grown man, but I bet you wanna pinch my cheeks.
Kyuhyun’s fingers were itching to do just that, but he’d managed to will the urge away for the time-being.
“You think? How could they close, aren’t they supposed to check for remaining visitors?”
“Maybe, but I was on the ground and that palm tree…” Jongwoon pointed to his left and sure enough - there was a palm tree. An artificial one, “well, you couldn’t see me from the entrance.”
“And the guard was what, too lazy to do an actual round around the place? What were you doing on the floor anyway; cooing at a lizard?!”
“Uh, yeah… about that,” add another gesture to the picture and Jongwoon would surely break the Guinness record for world’s guiltiest-looking boyfriend, “I should probably start from the beginning…”
Well, they were most definitely screwed.
Apparently, Jongwoon - once he had poked a bit around Kyuhyun’s phone - had rediscovered his favorite feature… the multi-mega-pixel camera, and had been shooting a book-worth of pictures of an especially vicious alligator snapping turtle, when he’d managed to somehow drop the device down past a medium-height railing and into the water pond below.
Kyuhyun’s only consolations had been the facts that a) his cellphone ended up on a lily pad, as opposed to in the water and b) it hadn’t been eaten - yet; but the huge, carnivorous reptile was guarding it very closely with its constant attention span. Out of all the turtle species in the world, they’d just had to end up stuck with the only one with no ability to blink.
Jongwoon had spent a great deal of time trying to reach the phone through the fence, but his arms had proven themselves too short. It hadn’t surprised Kyuhyun that his hyung’s fingers had remained intact - after all, turtles loved Jongwoon - even the monstrous, flesh-eating types.
Still, he was sure he’d experience no such luck. Thus he had outright refused to try and reach the phone with his own, slightly longer appendages.
Never mind he would surely end up as an amputee; Kyuhyun had an unexplainable, inconceivable, in-friggin-controllable fear of anything that was even remotely creepy or crawly. He had only learnt to live with Jongwoon’s turtles because, each time he applied the “It’s either me or them pizza-eaters!” ultimatum, Jongwoon would give him the ‘how dare you kick my turtle?’ pout. A dozen times of trying this ineffective technique later, Kyuhyun had finally come to the depressing conclusion that his chances of winning against the little green rocks were slim to none.
It wasn’t as if he’d been misinformed of what he was getting himself into, when his latest one-night-stand had transformed into a few casual dinners - no strings attached. Some really awkward confessions later, they’d decided to stop fooling themselves and call it actual dating, which had eventually resulted in Jongwoon and him sharing a tiny, overpopulated one-bedroom apartment located on the outskirts of Hell-Knows-Where, Seoul.
Kyuhyun had known from that very first morning on which he’d woken up with the terrifying knowledge of being in love that he would be required to - in addition to a life companion - take on a whole load of virtual extra baggage. A while of living together (and one particularly painful confrontation with an obsessive ex of Jongwoon’s), and Kyuhyun was pretty sure he was the only man his lover had his eyes on. Still, being the possessive person he was, Kyuhyun couldn’t help but feel a bit cheated at having to share him with animals.
o.0
And now Jongwoon is kneeling on the bathroom stall’s dirty, stained floor - in hope of unscrewing the long, loosely-held metal rod which is supposed to be sporting at least a few rolls of toilet paper, but is in reality just hanging there all rusty and forgotten, as if begging for somebody to come and take it out of its pitiful misery - by using it to nudge at random leaves. Unscrewing it - as in, with his bare hands.
“Would you hurry up already? This place is giving me the creeps!” Kyuhyun is aware - on some level - of not being of any help, but it’s not like he is currently in his right mind. It takes him all of his willpower to refrain from kicking Jongwoon in the seater. Gently, of course.
“I am trying my best, you know. What do you want me to do, use my teeth?”
“Just you wait, Kim Jongwoon. I’mma use my teeth on you - so hard you won’t be able to-“
“Why don’t you use your spidery fingers instead?” Jongwoon interrupts his dear lover’s threats, “Or do you want mine to start bleeding?” he turns around in order to get up and presents Kyuhyun with the results of his hard work. Sure enough, the skin on the pads of his fingers has begun peeling off at places.
Kyuhyun can’t deny he feels a bit sorry for the guy. No wonder they require the services of handymen so often; Kyuhyun is only apt at fixing computer-related issues, while Jongwoon can’t even unscrew a bolt without hurting himself in the process. It’s truly a miracle how he manages to switch them light bulbs without getting electrocuted.
“You know I can’t…” Kyuhyun draws out, digging around his brain frantically for a valid enough excuse. He fails to recall whether he’d already used up his ‘can’t be bothered - cause I’m too lazy’ card for the day. Jongwoon is staring at him expectantly, “…it’d hurt your image as the man in this relationship?” Kyuhyun suggests.
“That’s not what you were claiming last night.” comes the somewhat ironic reply.
“I deserve to top too goddammit!” Kyuhyun turns away in anger, kicks the stall’s flimsy door open with his foot and begins a stride in the direction of the South-American lizards’ tank. Halfway there, he realizes his big mistake and does a one-eighty, not stopping until he is back in front of Jongwoon - an offended scowl plastered onto his lips.
“So… you’re only a man when you feel like it?” Jongwoon greets him by shaking his head, then scratches it. Does his dongsaeng even want his precious phone back? Kyuhyun’s entire life - aka busy work schedule - is supposedly on that 16GB flash card, not to mention the many naked pictures of him sleeping. After all, Jongwoon tends to get easily bored - waiting for his night-owl of a boyfriend to wake up on days off.
“Take that back...” and now Kyuhyun is putting up his entire six-year-old at the dentist’s act, complete with arms crossed over his chest and a pout on his way-too-plump-to-be-real lips. “Take it back or I swear I’m walking out on you the moment we get out of here. I’m gonna move out and you’ll never see me again.”
“What?! No… you can’t do that! You know I was kidding, right? I didn’t mean any of this.” Jongwoon does the only reasonable thing to do in this kind of situation - he apologizes. Not with words, no; he takes a seat on the toilet lid and begins running both hands along his standing lover’s thighs - in hope of calming him down a bit.
The only thing this achieves is Kyuhyun tensing up even further, and Jongwoon slings an arm around his waist, leaning forward to press a cheek against Kyuhyun’s stomach in an intimate embrace. Or well, Kyuhyun is sure this would be considered intimate - had he been Jongwoon’s pregnant girlfriend. Seeing as he isn’t, it only gets him riled up.
“Are you waiting for it to kick or something?” asks Kyuhyun, but the reference appears to be lost on his clinging boyfriend. Kyuhyun sighs and plies Jongwoon off of himself, “Now that I think about it, perhaps it’d be best if we just called it quits. We obviously have nothing in common and-“
“Is this because of your phone? Because really - I was hoping there’s another way, but I bet that water is only knee-deep. I could probably jump down there and get it in seconds.” Jongwoon tries to get up, but Kyuhyun is blocking his escape route with a suddenly frightened expression.
“Don’t, I’d hate to see you drown and... that monster’s gonna feed on your dead corpse” he whispers in a trembling voice.
“Why not?” Jongwoon decides to ignore the false threats. Even though he does tend to fail a lot at basic things like swimming, and those turtles actually are known for being scavengers… Kyuhyun is probably just being overdramatic. Nothing unusual in that… right? “You’re obviously mad because I’ve let you down - again - and I love you way too much to lose you cause I might catch a cold or something… or the other… Kyu?”
Jongwoon is taken aback when - all of a sudden - Kyuhyun is on the floor, hugging him in the knees. The younger keeps shaking his head, and Jongwoon resists petting it - in fear Kyuhyun realizes he’s being treated as a puppy and consequentially snaps.
“Say it again.” Kyuhyun requests.
“I’ve let you down? I know, I’m sorry…”
“No, dammit. The other part.” Must Jongwoon be so dense? Had Kyuhyun felt the need to dump his boyfriend each time the man failed at one thing or another, he would have done it way back on their fifth casual date - when Jongwoon’s tripping over his own feet on perfectly flat ground had resulted in Kyuhyun’s sprained ankle.
“I might catch a… I love you? I thought that was obvious!”
“The hell it is! You’ve never said so before.”
“I… haven’t?” Jongwoon pauses in the middle of inhaling, forgetting to let the air out. Now he looks something between guilty and constipated, and Kyuhyun gets more comfortable on the floor - mentally preparing himself for a serious conversation.
“No, you haven’t. I’ve told you that I love you four times and all you ever say is ‘me too’ or, that one time at the park - ‘right back at’cha’, never the actual words. Not when you asked me to move in with you, not even on my own birthday, never. So what exactly am I supposed to think? Am I just a convenient warm body or what? Do answer!”
What is he supposed to think? Jongwoon isn’t sure. He kind of hates himself for being so ignorant -of course his silly Kyu would keep track of such things - the kid is practically a genius. Four times? Really? Jongwoon had always thought saying me too was a sufficient enough comeback, and now he’s kind of at a loss. The apologies are stuck on the tip of his tongue - itching to roll out, but none of them seem adequate under current circumstances.
Instead - he tugs Kyuhyun up by seams connecting his sleeves to the rest of his t-shirt, and - when Kyuhyun ends up perched on his lap in quite an awkward position - wraps both arms around the taller guy, as though he’s overcompensating for all those rough childhood years when his unreasonably strict parents would deprive him of teddybears.
Jongwoon appears to be somewhere way deep in a trance. He ends up rocking his boyfriend back and forth - and honestly, that would have probably worked better had Kyuhyun not been so friggin’ tall - whispering all kinds of sweet nothings into Kyuhyun’s neck and jaw line - most of which consist of I’m sorry’s and I love you’s, with a few random endearments thrown in for good measure. Why had he never called Kyuhyun sweetie before? Sounds kind of nice, it does…
The funniest thing is - Kyuhyun lets him. He lets Jongwoon run his hands up and down his back soothingly, allows him to use all these ridiculous nicknames and, by the time the last love you, Kyuhyunnie lands straight onto his lips, Kyuhyun is pretty much a quivering heap of putty against the older man.
He sort of feels like an especially hefty piece of volcano cake - sickeningly sweet and filled to the brim with warm, liquid chocolate that’s just begging to be devoured… not to mention the all too ready to explode part. He is blushing for all the wrong reasons, too - what’s with his thighs trying to spread on their own accord in blatant invitation - each time Jongwoon’s fingers accidentally brush against his tailbone.
Trust Cho Kyuhyun to get overwhelmingly turned on when his guilt-ridden boyfriend is merely trying to prevent his sorry ass from being kicked out of his own apartment and onto the curb. Not that he expects Jongwoon to think any better of him; after all - he did put out on the very first, lame excuse of a date. Never mind he’d been tremendously drunk and hey, that is what one night stands entail. Usually.
You see, Kyuhyun is an aspiring professional - so at the young age of 23 he already holds the made-up position of ‘vice system administrator’ for a small chain of gourmet supermarkets. This mostly means he is required to deal with a whole load of bullshit, such as staying up all night when a bunch of cash registers decide to go on strike and stop milking people out of their hard-earned cash.
A while ago, his management had decided to make the chain’s internet homepage more appealing with a complete makeover - in hope the pleasant background would trigger customers to order more online or… whatever their financial considerations had been.
Instead of addressing a prestigious design salon with some actual reputation, Kyuhyun’s boss had decided to cut the expenses to minimum and hire a freelancer; so that’s how Kyuhyun had found himself on the doorstep of one Kim Jongwoon - on his way to retrieve a logo-less CD filled with codes and images too heavy to be sent by e-mail.
Kyuhyun had by no means been a happy camper - since come on, there should have been people of much lower rank for completing such mundane duties - that’s it, until he’d seen Jongwoon in person.
He had - right then and there - made it his mission to get to know this outcast of a web-designer better. That, or get into his pants - whichever came first. He’d decided his cash-hungry boss could wait, and had - by pure scheming - managed to persuade Jongwoon into celebrating this job-well-done at the nearest bar; firm’s treat.
Kyuhyun gave very little fuck as to whether Jongwoon had been too much of an outsider to realize that’s not how you usually do business, or was simply attracted to him as well - since he could work with either. Still, Jongwoon wasn’t that clueless, so he’d eventually figured that when a guy intentionally gets himself drunk in front of you, and then proceeds to sit on your lap and giggle things of very little sense into your ear… well, yeah - that’s not how you congratulate somebody on fulfilling a contract.
Having no real gender preference, Jongwoon had decided to simply go with the flow - and that’s how he’d acquired himself an evil, calculating boyfriend. And the supermarket’s logo now sports a cartoon turtle with a shopping cart.
When Jongwoon runs out of comforting things to say, he begins nibbling on Kyuhyun’s upper lip - simply for the sake of it. Kyuhyun turns away, burying his face into Jongwoon’s shoulder in shame - and the latter could have sworn his crotch had just been rubbed against quite deliberately.
“Admit it though…” Kyuhyun’s voice sounds strained, as if he’s weighing each and every one of his words carefully, “you don’t really mean any of this. After all, you’ve been ignoring me the entire day… don’t you think I deserve to be made up to, hyung?”
Kyuhyun’s accusations, as accurate as they may be, sound about as insincere as they could possibly get - what’s with his still moist lips mouthing the words into Jongwoon’s skin. There is simply way too much hot breath on Jongwoon’s bare neck, so that’s obviously the only reason he shudders.
Now…Jongwoon is not a pedophile; he knows there is a very prominent, thick line between sexual crimes and role-playing; and anyways, Kyuhyun is far from being underage. However, it is kind of hard to keep this line firmly in its place when Kyuhyun keeps abusing honorifics during sex. In fact, it is nearly impossible - since those are pretty much the only times he uses honorifics altogether. When he had only just discovered this particular kink of Jongwoon’s, Kyuhyun would taunt his relatively older lover by calling him ajusshi at the most inappropriate of times. As in - during sex.
Lately though, Kyuhyun seems to have acknowledged the effectiveness of such evil mind games, and so he keeps engaging in overly uncharacteristic behavior; pulling said string expertly each time he desires anything of the sexual variety.
Up until this very moment, Jongwoon had been under the mistaken impression now is neither the time nor the place for that to happen, but another wave of all-consuming guilt washes this belief completely out of existence with its foamy finality.
If sex is what Kyuhyun wants - as opposed to his phone, or even getting the hell out of here as fast as it is humanely possible - sex is exactly what he’s going to get. Even if, with the way things are turning out to be - it might end up with Jongwoon pinned a bit too hard against the flush tank.
Well… as long as he manages to avoid the handle leaving marks on his back, he should be fine.
Click-y here for Part 2!