the mood
OK. SO. I realized that it had been a month and four days of not speaking to Cameron when he and I were finally scheduled together last night and he showed up and acted as if nothing was wrong. No apology or even a sorry look and just jumped right into acting like it's completely normal for us to be hanging out again.
Fuck you. Fuck the hell out of you. You don't answer my phone calls, your boyfriend doesn't call me back either, no email, no text, no smoke signals, no psychic contacts, no messages through any friends of friends or coworkers and just NOTHING. NOTHING. for a MONTH and FOUR DAYS. and then it's FINE? FUCK YOUUUU. You've known me long enough to fucking know how to hurt me. And that's exactly what you did. Fuck the fucking hell out of you acting as if nothings wrong. The only implication that we haven't talked in A MONTH is that you mentioned that you had news from the family that your sister is in the middle of a divorce. Good job, asshole.
You know what? I'll be friendly to you at work. Sure. That's only professional not to bring this shit up at work. I'm not going to be the neurotic bitch who confronts my coworker with personal shit while working.
You knew exactly how to hurt me you asshole. You had to know that I'm going to be immediately thinking, "whywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhy what did I do? What's so bad about me that you'll hurt me so much" and you know what? There's a million and a half reasons why you should or could or might hate me. Of course there is. We fucking lived together, there's always shit about roommates and friends that you just being to HATE about that person. And you know how to deal with it? Is it ignore me for a MONTH? A MONTH! NO, fucknut, it's to confront me about whatever it is that's pissing you off so much. Because that's how you maintain a fucking friendship with anyone. You deal with the shit that's pissing you off so you can help me be a better person. Not IGNORE me for A MONTH.
Yes. I can be a horrible person. Yes, I've lost friends before. IN THIS EXACT WAY. With no more contact. Ever. Again. That's how my first real girlfriend broke up with me. She fucking blocked me from IM, no more emails, no more phone calls, nothing. I'd left messages with her too. Asking to talk. But she was done. Gone. And I'm left thinking the same fucking thing.... whywhywhywhywhy?!?!?!!!! I lost Ian this way too. Just No more. He was going to meet with me at Bumbershoot and so I called him to see where he was. Something like 5 phone calls that day trying to find him. And NOTHING EVER AGAIN. I've emailed him, left messages with him, telling him that it was fine that we didn't meet up, asking what he thought of the concert. and NOTHING but whywhywhywhywhywhywhy! And you know about the Hector "I'm done with her" incident. You fucking caused it, didn't you?
You knew exactly how to hurt me. And you did. Congratulations.
And you know what? I'd take you back in a heartbeat. Reconciliation is totally 100% possible. It's easy, too. There's just two simple things I'm looking for from you to see if you're actually interested in reconciliation. The first is a genuine apology for ignoring me for a month. The second is a confrontation. You need to tell me WHY and not some bullshit pneumonia excuse. You weren't sick enough to skip work when you went to the Opera that day that I fucking stalked you into talking to me when this was all starting and you were the only person who had the knowledge about my check. (apologize for that while you're at it) Your pneumonia wouldn't stop Tom from talking to me. In fact, I would THINK that if you were really fucking sick you'd want to get sympathy and help and love from your friends. If I had pneumonia a month and a half ago, you'd be the first person I would have called. So confront me. This can't be about the boxes in storage. It's got to be bigger than that for A MONTH of IGNORING ME COMPLETELY. Oh, and by the way, until you talk to me outside of a work situation, it still counts as ignoring me. Because forced interaction is not, in fact, being a friend. But I was interested to see that it's gotten to the point with you that the desire to be paid overpowered your desire to ignore me completely. Now we've moved "up" to ignoring me in a non-work environment. Gosh, what strides.
So really, I need two things from you if you want to be friends again. An apology and a confrontation. The ball is in your court.