Seeker 2x16 ‘Desecrated’ Cracky Recap
REMEMBER THAT ONE TIME CARA DESECRATED KAHLAN?
I was going through my Seeker folders and found this only half-finished recap of Desecrated that was created on 11 April 2010 (so, a year and a half ago?) and figured it's worth sharing even though it's unfinished, BECAUSE SERIOUSLY, THIS EPISODE, LOL.
ANYWAY, here it is :)
Tip: I strongly suggest rewatching the episode before reading this for maximum lolls.
I FREAKING LOVE THAT MOVIE. AND I LOVE THIS EPISODE! Which is pretty much why I've resurrected (har har) the recaps 16 months past their expiry date.
OKAY LOOK. I REALISE I AM LATE TO RICHARD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY. But you'll be pleased to hear I sent him a hairdresser as a gift.
Cara's cooking her signature dish “Badass Stew”, so named because it's so bad it tastes like ass. :P
Though is Cara's inflection here kind of wrong? She should sound a little put out, or be defensively pretending it's going to taste orsum (as she believes nothing she does is less than awesome, yes?) while Richard gives the plot-I mean pot-a wary look then ‘accidentally’ knocks it over. So idk about all this ‘I'm so sexily glad my stew is going to be torturous’. Right? Right? Although we all now she loves torture, so I'm torn.
OMG LONGEST PARAGRAPH EVER IN FIRST RECAP IN AGES, WHAT. SORRY TO THE PEOPLE WHO'RE JUST HERE FOR THE PICTURES? I JUST HAVE A LOT OF FEELINGS WORDS.
KAHLAN: *huff huff* RICHARD!! Zedd told me Cara's cooking?! I've come to save you!
CARA/RICHARD: …...
Now that's creepy. Don't go in there guys, that looks like Sleepy Hollow D:
KAHLAN: SURPRISE! COMPULSORY FUN! *kisses Rich*
Richard was super adorkable in this whole scene, hee.
Zedd would like to introduce everyone to ERIC, THE DREAMBOAT Eric's dad.
ERIC: Would you like to dance, Seeker?
RICHARD: Why ye-
KAHLAN: Keep your chin-clefty handsome-ness off my man, dreamboa- uh, Eric.
Kahlan's smile is saying ‘You can unwrap my present later, birthday boy’ ;D
And then Elizabeth Bennet danced with Mr Darcy. HA!
Dorks ♥
Don't get too excited, Cara.
BRIDGET: *accidentally looks*
DIRECTOR: CUT! Bridget, stop that.
BRIDGET: O_O
TAB: *secretly lovin' it*
KAHLAN: Stop being such a grouchy-pants Cara, try to have some fun.
CARA: Why do you hate me? ...I thought I knew torture. And then I met you people.
Cara awards you an A+ for torture, Kahlan. You guys are a match made in the Midlands ♥
[insert closet metaphor here]
LOL at our manly-men lounging masculinely now that their lady friends have gone closet adventuring.
CORMAC: I'll need assistance from certain members of the audience. Mostly the young, handsome, dreamboaty ones.
CARA: This looks suspiciously like a plot point… What does the note say?
KAHLAN: ‘You have one day in which progress Cara's character development before you run out of air.’
*suddenly distracted by the blonde with pouty lips* Sexualised television I LOVE YOU.
UNF, SHE TOTALLY (WO)MAN-HANDLED KAHLAN TO GET THE KNIFE.
Love that Cara grabs the knife and then gives Kahlan the ‘Oh by the way I'm borrowing your knife’ look. Classic.
Kind of adore how Richard cut his hand quickly, but Cara does it really slowly and deliberately, like she's relishing the pain.
Plus there appears to be people with hand kinks in this fandom >.> so Cara's naked hand was like this unexpected event. Like that volcano in Iceland. HOT. UNEXPECTED. YESH.
(hand p0rn for @thief_21 and @fuckyeahtabrett)
HE TOTALLY SPARED THE PRETTY BOYS. GIVE THAT MISGUIDED MAN A MEDAL! :D
RICHARD: It says “We are trapped in a very warm tomb. Please do not disturb.”
This looks like every RPG cemetery level I've ever played. Richard's like O_O ‘I'm going to need more Experience Points to win this level.’ If the boss is a necromancer I will cry stereotype tears.
CARA: Kahlan, I'm borrrred. How long til the lady-wrestling?
KAHLAN: Script says it's not until Act 3.
CARA: What? As if there's enough plot to last that long, come on.
ANGRY MAN WHO SOUNDS LIKE BOROMIR: What do you mean they haven't greenlit season three yet? >:(
ZEDD: Careful Richard, fans are volatile creatures. Don't look him in the eye!
Dear Magical Diary,
Why doesn't Cara love me? Please write back.
Kahlan xo
CARA: Didn't you learn anything from Ginny's experience with Tom Riddle's diary? Geez.
Zedd's job hasn't changed much since the last time two hot people were locked in a tomb.
And while we're reminiscing over Revenant (cryptsex!) let us remember the golden days of our plucky season 1 heroes, in all their pre-toned sexiness.
LOL IT'S THE MUMMY.
More LOL at how Kahlan had daddy issues and now Richard has mummy issues, ha!
Also, does anyone else feel bizarrely familiar with the way Craig runs when he's gripping his sword to keep it from banging on his leg? Seriously, he should've just done like Kahlan/Aragorn and strapped it to his back. I mean he ‘whipped it out’ of some imaginary back-sheathe in that s1 promo. (LOL THAT TRAILER USES THE HARRY POTTER FONT AND FLOATY CLOUDS, WILL THE PARALLELS NEVER END?)
"Like sands through the hourglass, so are the Gays of our Lives."
CARA: Shutup, voiceover.
CARA: We've been at it for hours.
C/K SHIPPERS: OH REEAAAAALLY?
Seriously. Seeker, your subtext is showing.
KAHLAN. ON. TOP.
And Cara's head is between her legs OH MY GOD, THIS IS TOO MUCH FUN!
And then sweaty!Kahlan desperately strains towards that burning feelin- NO. I CAN'T DO IT. HERE, HAVE THE CUTEST THING I HAVE EVER SEEN INSTEAD.
Then next thing you know it, Kahlan's on her back, half-naked and gasping for air. LOOK I AM ONLY DESCRIBING WHAT'S GOING ON.
CARA: …
KAHLAN: …
Translation: Longing, but not for long.
SHOW, YOU ARE RIDICULOUS, I LOVE YOU. ♥_♥
RICHARD: We still don't have the green light for season 3.
DUKE ANDERS: THAT'S PREPOSTEROUS!
HORSIE: NU-UH, I am not getting paid nearly enough to fight The Mummy *flees*
“COME TO MUMMY.”
BUT NO, SERIOUSLY. WHO ELSE'S EYES POPPED OUT OF THEIR HEADS WHEN THE GO-GO GADGET BANDAGES CAME OUT?!
Yeaaaahhhh, that's where I finished it. Half-assed, I know! Life kinda caught up with me after living and breathing Seeker for a year and a half, hehe.
I hope you enjoyed this ridiculously late post.
THE END!
Browse the Legend of the Seeker
Cracky Recaps archive HERE
I was going through my Seeker folders and found this only half-finished recap of Desecrated that was created on 11 April 2010 (so, a year and a half ago?) and figured it's worth sharing even though it's unfinished, BECAUSE SERIOUSLY, THIS EPISODE, LOL.
ANYWAY, here it is :)
Tip: I strongly suggest rewatching the episode before reading this for maximum lolls.
I FREAKING LOVE THAT MOVIE. AND I LOVE THIS EPISODE! Which is pretty much why I've resurrected (har har) the recaps 16 months past their expiry date.
OKAY LOOK. I REALISE I AM LATE TO RICHARD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY. But you'll be pleased to hear I sent him a hairdresser as a gift.
Cara's cooking her signature dish “Badass Stew”, so named because it's so bad it tastes like ass. :P
Though is Cara's inflection here kind of wrong? She should sound a little put out, or be defensively pretending it's going to taste orsum (as she believes nothing she does is less than awesome, yes?) while Richard gives the plot-I mean pot-a wary look then ‘accidentally’ knocks it over. So idk about all this ‘I'm so sexily glad my stew is going to be torturous’. Right? Right? Although we all now she loves torture, so I'm torn.
OMG LONGEST PARAGRAPH EVER IN FIRST RECAP IN AGES, WHAT. SORRY TO THE PEOPLE WHO'RE JUST HERE FOR THE PICTURES? I JUST HAVE A LOT OF FEELINGS WORDS.
KAHLAN: *huff huff* RICHARD!! Zedd told me Cara's cooking?! I've come to save you!
CARA/RICHARD: …...
Now that's creepy. Don't go in there guys, that looks like Sleepy Hollow D:
KAHLAN: SURPRISE! COMPULSORY FUN! *kisses Rich*
Richard was super adorkable in this whole scene, hee.
Zedd would like to introduce everyone to ERIC, THE DREAMBOAT Eric's dad.
ERIC: Would you like to dance, Seeker?
RICHARD: Why ye-
KAHLAN: Keep your chin-clefty handsome-ness off my man, dreamboa- uh, Eric.
Kahlan's smile is saying ‘You can unwrap my present later, birthday boy’ ;D
And then Elizabeth Bennet danced with Mr Darcy. HA!
Dorks ♥
Don't get too excited, Cara.
BRIDGET: *accidentally looks*
DIRECTOR: CUT! Bridget, stop that.
BRIDGET: O_O
TAB: *secretly lovin' it*
KAHLAN: Stop being such a grouchy-pants Cara, try to have some fun.
CARA: Why do you hate me? ...I thought I knew torture. And then I met you people.
Cara awards you an A+ for torture, Kahlan. You guys are a match made in the Midlands ♥
[insert closet metaphor here]
LOL at our manly-men lounging masculinely now that their lady friends have gone closet adventuring.
CORMAC: I'll need assistance from certain members of the audience. Mostly the young, handsome, dreamboaty ones.
CARA: This looks suspiciously like a plot point… What does the note say?
KAHLAN: ‘You have one day in which progress Cara's character development before you run out of air.’
*suddenly distracted by the blonde with pouty lips* Sexualised television I LOVE YOU.
UNF, SHE TOTALLY (WO)MAN-HANDLED KAHLAN TO GET THE KNIFE.
Love that Cara grabs the knife and then gives Kahlan the ‘Oh by the way I'm borrowing your knife’ look. Classic.
Kind of adore how Richard cut his hand quickly, but Cara does it really slowly and deliberately, like she's relishing the pain.
Plus there appears to be people with hand kinks in this fandom >.> so Cara's naked hand was like this unexpected event. Like that volcano in Iceland. HOT. UNEXPECTED. YESH.
(hand p0rn for @thief_21 and @fuckyeahtabrett)
HE TOTALLY SPARED THE PRETTY BOYS. GIVE THAT MISGUIDED MAN A MEDAL! :D
RICHARD: It says “We are trapped in a very warm tomb. Please do not disturb.”
This looks like every RPG cemetery level I've ever played. Richard's like O_O ‘I'm going to need more Experience Points to win this level.’ If the boss is a necromancer I will cry stereotype tears.
CARA: Kahlan, I'm borrrred. How long til the lady-wrestling?
KAHLAN: Script says it's not until Act 3.
CARA: What? As if there's enough plot to last that long, come on.
ANGRY MAN WHO SOUNDS LIKE BOROMIR: What do you mean they haven't greenlit season three yet? >:(
ZEDD: Careful Richard, fans are volatile creatures. Don't look him in the eye!
Dear Magical Diary,
Why doesn't Cara love me? Please write back.
Kahlan xo
CARA: Didn't you learn anything from Ginny's experience with Tom Riddle's diary? Geez.
Zedd's job hasn't changed much since the last time two hot people were locked in a tomb.
And while we're reminiscing over Revenant (cryptsex!) let us remember the golden days of our plucky season 1 heroes, in all their pre-toned sexiness.
LOL IT'S THE MUMMY.
More LOL at how Kahlan had daddy issues and now Richard has mummy issues, ha!
Also, does anyone else feel bizarrely familiar with the way Craig runs when he's gripping his sword to keep it from banging on his leg? Seriously, he should've just done like Kahlan/Aragorn and strapped it to his back. I mean he ‘whipped it out’ of some imaginary back-sheathe in that s1 promo. (LOL THAT TRAILER USES THE HARRY POTTER FONT AND FLOATY CLOUDS, WILL THE PARALLELS NEVER END?)
"Like sands through the hourglass, so are the Gays of our Lives."
CARA: Shutup, voiceover.
CARA: We've been at it for hours.
C/K SHIPPERS: OH REEAAAAALLY?
Seriously. Seeker, your subtext is showing.
KAHLAN. ON. TOP.
And Cara's head is between her legs OH MY GOD, THIS IS TOO MUCH FUN!
And then sweaty!Kahlan desperately strains towards that burning feelin- NO. I CAN'T DO IT. HERE, HAVE THE CUTEST THING I HAVE EVER SEEN INSTEAD.
Then next thing you know it, Kahlan's on her back, half-naked and gasping for air. LOOK I AM ONLY DESCRIBING WHAT'S GOING ON.
CARA: …
KAHLAN: …
Translation: Longing, but not for long.
SHOW, YOU ARE RIDICULOUS, I LOVE YOU. ♥_♥
RICHARD: We still don't have the green light for season 3.
DUKE ANDERS: THAT'S PREPOSTEROUS!
HORSIE: NU-UH, I am not getting paid nearly enough to fight The Mummy *flees*
“COME TO MUMMY.”
BUT NO, SERIOUSLY. WHO ELSE'S EYES POPPED OUT OF THEIR HEADS WHEN THE GO-GO GADGET BANDAGES CAME OUT?!
Yeaaaahhhh, that's where I finished it. Half-assed, I know! Life kinda caught up with me after living and breathing Seeker for a year and a half, hehe.
I hope you enjoyed this ridiculously late post.
THE END!
Browse the Legend of the Seeker
Cracky Recaps archive HERE