Seeker 2x13 ‘Princess’ Cracky Recap
SO BASICALLY THIS EP WAS LIKE BOARDING THE ROFL-BUS TO DIZNEYLAND, GOING ON SOME LOLLERCOASTERS AND CATCHING THE SQUEE-TRAIN HOME.
But I reckon this just about sums it up:
ZEDD: Dance is the most important part of the pageant evening. It counts for 30 percent of your total score.
CARA: What's the other 70 percent, cleavage?
The eppie of Seeker that gets a big tick:
The one where Cara called the Margrave a- :D
JSYK, I have pilfered from Miss Congeniality so much for this recap.
The Sisters of the Dark Fanfic Club is back in session! Sadly, they've had to put down put down their R/K fic to attend to a spot of business...
Well… at least she had the courtesy to stab her in the front.
LOL all these upside-down kisses remind me of Spiderman. Raimi, do you have a kink we should know about?
Also, nice job writers. Now Nicci looks like she should, and we still got to enjoy Jolene's guns guest starring.
SOME SISTER: We finished noblealice's fic without you. Please don't kill us.
Introducing Cara the lumberjack, and her on-site manager Zedd the MasterChef.
Cara's all “I demand I be treated like an equal, but I still expect men to chop my wood” and Richard's all “LOL, riiiiight”.
And: anyone else just love it when Cara says NO? Idk what makes it so brilliant. It might be the hint of her Australian accent. Or how she bites off the word, all like “are you thick?”. POWERFULLY AWESOME.
ZEDD: My dear, your food tastes like ass.
CARA: *visualises chopping Zedd's head off with her axe and stuffing him with something ‘approximating corn cake’*
And then Kahlan gets kidnapped by flying monkeys. DISCUSS. Bonus points for comments involving frequent flyer points.
RUN LIKE THE WIND, BULLSEYE.
ZEDD: Don't tell Cara, Richard, but I think Kahlan's been taken to The Wizard. He wants her to return everyone else's share of AWESOMENESS.
Meanwhile, lookit Cara!!! She's having a private panic attack because her girlfriend has been captured, and how on earth will she ever learn what her feelings mean without Kahlan's guiding... hand.
ZEDD: No magic works within the walls of their realm. Not my wizardry, not Cara's Agiels-
RICHARD: *light bulb* -And not Kahlan's Confessor power! To the sexytiems, steed, HIYAAH!
THE MARGRAVE: I'd hit that.
HERALD: I wouldn't suggest it, my Lord.
LOL GUYS. Remember the last time Kahlan did her sneaky sideways glance?
This scene has been rated NC-17 for NINJA CONFESSOR violence.
KAHLAN: JUST YOU WAIT TIL MY GIRLFRIEND AND BOYFRIEND HEAR ABOUT THIS.
THE MARGRAVE: *twirls his mustachio*
(I love this guy already! He reminds me of Gary Oldman! ♥)
SECRETLY IMPORTANT PRISONER: Oh honey, did they torture your hair before throwing you in the dungeon?
(No wonder Bridget was tweeting about using the world's supply of hair conditioner! Foofy hair!)
LADY, I'M REALLY HAPPY FOR YOU AND IMMA LET YOU FINISH, BUT I HAVE THE GREATEST HAIR OF ALL TIME.
Meanwhile, Nicci's borrowed some Floo Powder to get Rahl up for a quick chat to discuss World Kahlan Domination. Little do they know Kahlan always comes out on top (unless Cara's involved).
I thought I recognised that castle from somewhere!
CARA REALLY IS GOING TO BE A DIZNEY PRINCESS AFTER ALL! Hee!
RICHARD: Where do you even hear all this palace gossip?
ZEDD: That's a secret I'll never tell. You know you love me, XOXO, Gossip Girl.
ZEDD: So all we need is a princess.
CARA: *nodding* A princess...
RICHARD: A princess >.>
CARA: This is a good plan...
ZEDD: >.>
CARA: -Wait, no, this is a terrible plan, NO.
NU-UH, I WOULD RATHER DIE THAN BE SHOEHORNED INTO PRINCESS VIRTUE'S BALL GOWN.
Ten minutes later...
I HATE YOU ALL SO VEREH, VEREH MUCH.
OMG AND THEN ZEDD BASICALLY CALLS CARA A SCARLET WOMAN AND SHE CAN'T BELIEVE THIS IS EVEN HAPPENING. SERIOUSLY. HER FACE!
ROFLMAOOOOO! DYING DYING DEAD.
CARA: …I think we should dig the tunnel.
HAHA OMG GUYS, WE NEED TO SEND THE WRITERS A FRUIT BASKET OR SOMETHING. LOLLERSKATES!
ZEDD: Don't laugh yet Richard, you get to be Prince Playboy.
RICHARD: Doesn't look like much of a fighter...
ZEDD: Make love, not war, Rich.
THE FANS: YESa millionty!
Zedd is GUNNING to slip into the duchess's pantyhose. If Kahlan were here she would totally be all up in this piece foofing Richard's shoulder pads and braiding Cara's hair and and painting Zedd's nails!
I want to be there to see these guys wake up. It'd totally be like the end of A Midsummer Night's Dream.
RICHARD: Zedd, this dude hasn't got anything to hold his junk in place! I'm not flying solo!
CARA: *snorfle*
CARA: What is this shi-“Made in China”?? I've pulled classier jewellery out of a Happy Meal!
ZEDD: By the way, you're going to have to take rampant misogyny on the chin, and also rhyme.
If looks could kill, Zedd would already be six foot under The Underworld, ie deader than dead. But Cara loves Kahlan more than her pride and decides get her Miss Congeniality on.
Princess Cara makes her magnificent entrance, armed to the teeth with her secret weapon: DECOLLETAGE.
Richard, Cara's meant to be seducing The Margrave, not you.
OH MY. OH NO. OH LOL.
THE MARGRAVE: Miss Rhode Island Dunstable, please describe your idea of a perfect date.
DRUSILLA: That's a tough one. I would have to say April 25th. Because it's not too hot, not too cold, all you need is a light jacket.
CARA: The rain in Spain… goes mainly down the drain…?
HAHAHAAAA.
CARA: [to Zedd] You're gonna get yours, Henry Higgins, just you wait.
Kahlan hasn't forgiven the guards for pulling her hair.
She's working out a complex escape plan that involves throat-punching and origami cutlery.
Zedd's recipe for blonde highlights seems to be seeping into Richard's cranium...
RICHARD: Dude. I'm too sexy for this room. Why aren't I chasing skirts?
…while Cara rather adorably turns what was probably a waltz into krumping.
ZEDD: Glide! Glide! Don't pick your feet up. Don't, don't... Why are you picking your feet up?
CARA: Because I'm preparing to run away!
Richard tries flirting with The Margrave again.
…and failing that he propositions the Herald. Still nothing! Goldilocks is losing his mojo.
Cara's secret weapons are deployed.
Everyone's favourite stuntwoman, Vanessa, is distracted by Cara's cleavage and face-plants magnificently. You can enjoy this scene in greater detail here :)
And then The Margrave starts talking about discipline and Cara is like WAIT, I KNOW THIS ONE and proceeds to wax poetical about hurting people. IT'S AMAZING.
IT'S LIKE THE OLYMPICS ONLY WITH MORE ICY GLARES THAN ICY SPORTS.
ALSO AMAZING: hjea sent me her ‘dramatic reading’ of Cara's Torture Poetry! Needless to say, I now have a new ringtone.
ZEDD: The Margrave's sister might know where the key is. She's that one over there.
RICHARD: Hello baby. The Seeker of Virtue is on the case!
ZEDD: Noooo, the other one.
RICHARD: I hate my life.
I have no commentary for Craig's abs, I just like them.
…And did you ladies purchase the same wig? Embarrassing.
CARA: ENOUGH! It's time to settle this this good old fashioned way. With sex.
PRINCESS FAN-PROXY: Zedd and the Herald are moving to kiss!! Shoot them brave Margrave, don't dally, don't miss!
In her spare time, Princess Cara loves to eat Shadrin livers, play to win and break the rules.
THE R/K SEXYTIEMS ARABIAN NIGHTS MUSIC!!!!!!! WE SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE!! LOLOLOLOLOL!
The Margrave asks Princess Cara if she realises how many laws of Right and Good she's broken, and she replies to the effect that bad girls have more fun anyway and would you like some steaming liver?
SHOW, I LOVE YOU.
Look out Sir Playboy, the ghosts of girlfriends past have come for a word.
MRS NOT-MARGRAVE: If I die, I'll be reunited with my loved ones in the Underworld.
KAHLAN: If I die THE UNIVERSE WILL BE DESTROYED.
Best. One-up. Ever.
Oops, is that your crotch? Oh my hand is slipping!
Dear guests, I must attend to an important matter of State. Namely, the state of my pants.
Foreplay with Cara.
BAHAHAAA!
And then The Margrave makes the mistake of role-playing Kahlan's confession move. Look at her feisty fight face!
Dear Margrave the sight of your face makes me sick
You decadent, pompous, self-satisfied-*SMACK*
\o/
AND THEN KAHLAN KILLS A GUARD WITH A FREAKIN' PLATE!!
AND CARA COMES IN ALL GUNS BLAZING TO SAVE HER GIRLFRIEND.
Lovelovelove the way Cara gives the dazed guard one last shove just to finish him off.
In the heat of battle Kahlan delivers a stirring message:
KAHLAN: You too can have hair with gloss and volume if you condition it. Your hair is in your hands Arla. Only yours.
Cara's like THIS IS THE MOST FUN I'VE HAD IN WEEKS!
KAHLAN: What, no army?
CARA: That would be in my other dress.
WHERE ARE THE MEN? NOBODY CARES. AIN'T NO DAMSELS IN DISTRESS UP IN THIS PIECE.
They're so empowered they even get the full symbolism of swords instead of their teeny daggers and Agiels. NICE.
7thketch this one's for you :P
Richard arrives just in time to miss the fighting and start a speech...
But Nicci has better things to do, like pretend to be Trinity from The Matrix *jump-smash*
SQUEEEEEEEEEE.
Let's wrap with the hilar pic @lrbcn tweeted me:
♥ THIS FANDOM!
Permalink :P pirateygoodness's Ladyspam 2.13: Princess Cara and Lady Kahlan: A Love Story.
TOO MUCH FUN! FOR RAHLSIES REALSIES! I can't believe we're only half way through the season, so much stuff has happened! Whatever will they think of next? If it involves C/K kicking butts and taking names I AM THERE.
Happy hiatus Sexy Seeker Peeps. I'm off on holiday, let the good times roll.
EDIT EDIT EDIT! The writer of this episode, and officially our new favourite person, Stephen Tolkin, dropped by the recap to say hi! What a lovely guy :)
Browse the Legend of the Seeker
Cracky Recaps archive HERE
But I reckon this just about sums it up:
ZEDD: Dance is the most important part of the pageant evening. It counts for 30 percent of your total score.
CARA: What's the other 70 percent, cleavage?
The eppie of Seeker that gets a big tick:
The one where Cara called the Margrave a- :D
JSYK, I have pilfered from Miss Congeniality so much for this recap.
The Sisters of the Dark Fanfic Club is back in session! Sadly, they've had to put down put down their R/K fic to attend to a spot of business...
Well… at least she had the courtesy to stab her in the front.
LOL all these upside-down kisses remind me of Spiderman. Raimi, do you have a kink we should know about?
Also, nice job writers. Now Nicci looks like she should, and we still got to enjoy Jolene's guns guest starring.
SOME SISTER: We finished noblealice's fic without you. Please don't kill us.
Introducing Cara the lumberjack, and her on-site manager Zedd the MasterChef.
Cara's all “I demand I be treated like an equal, but I still expect men to chop my wood” and Richard's all “LOL, riiiiight”.
And: anyone else just love it when Cara says NO? Idk what makes it so brilliant. It might be the hint of her Australian accent. Or how she bites off the word, all like “are you thick?”. POWERFULLY AWESOME.
ZEDD: My dear, your food tastes like ass.
CARA: *visualises chopping Zedd's head off with her axe and stuffing him with something ‘approximating corn cake’*
And then Kahlan gets kidnapped by flying monkeys. DISCUSS. Bonus points for comments involving frequent flyer points.
RUN LIKE THE WIND, BULLSEYE.
ZEDD: Don't tell Cara, Richard, but I think Kahlan's been taken to The Wizard. He wants her to return everyone else's share of AWESOMENESS.
Meanwhile, lookit Cara!!! She's having a private panic attack because her girlfriend has been captured, and how on earth will she ever learn what her feelings mean without Kahlan's guiding... hand.
ZEDD: No magic works within the walls of their realm. Not my wizardry, not Cara's Agiels-
RICHARD: *light bulb* -And not Kahlan's Confessor power! To the sexytiems, steed, HIYAAH!
THE MARGRAVE: I'd hit that.
HERALD: I wouldn't suggest it, my Lord.
LOL GUYS. Remember the last time Kahlan did her sneaky sideways glance?
This scene has been rated NC-17 for NINJA CONFESSOR violence.
KAHLAN: JUST YOU WAIT TIL MY GIRLFRIEND AND BOYFRIEND HEAR ABOUT THIS.
THE MARGRAVE: *twirls his mustachio*
(I love this guy already! He reminds me of Gary Oldman! ♥)
SECRETLY IMPORTANT PRISONER: Oh honey, did they torture your hair before throwing you in the dungeon?
(No wonder Bridget was tweeting about using the world's supply of hair conditioner! Foofy hair!)
LADY, I'M REALLY HAPPY FOR YOU AND IMMA LET YOU FINISH, BUT I HAVE THE GREATEST HAIR OF ALL TIME.
Meanwhile, Nicci's borrowed some Floo Powder to get Rahl up for a quick chat to discuss World Kahlan Domination. Little do they know Kahlan always comes out on top (unless Cara's involved).
I thought I recognised that castle from somewhere!
CARA REALLY IS GOING TO BE A DIZNEY PRINCESS AFTER ALL! Hee!
RICHARD: Where do you even hear all this palace gossip?
ZEDD: That's a secret I'll never tell. You know you love me, XOXO, Gossip Girl.
ZEDD: So all we need is a princess.
CARA: *nodding* A princess...
RICHARD: A princess >.>
CARA: This is a good plan...
ZEDD: >.>
CARA: -Wait, no, this is a terrible plan, NO.
NU-UH, I WOULD RATHER DIE THAN BE SHOEHORNED INTO PRINCESS VIRTUE'S BALL GOWN.
Ten minutes later...
I HATE YOU ALL SO VEREH, VEREH MUCH.
OMG AND THEN ZEDD BASICALLY CALLS CARA A SCARLET WOMAN AND SHE CAN'T BELIEVE THIS IS EVEN HAPPENING. SERIOUSLY. HER FACE!
ROFLMAOOOOO! DYING DYING DEAD.
CARA: …I think we should dig the tunnel.
HAHA OMG GUYS, WE NEED TO SEND THE WRITERS A FRUIT BASKET OR SOMETHING. LOLLERSKATES!
ZEDD: Don't laugh yet Richard, you get to be Prince Playboy.
RICHARD: Doesn't look like much of a fighter...
ZEDD: Make love, not war, Rich.
THE FANS: YESa millionty!
Zedd is GUNNING to slip into the duchess's pantyhose. If Kahlan were here she would totally be all up in this piece foofing Richard's shoulder pads and braiding Cara's hair and and painting Zedd's nails!
I want to be there to see these guys wake up. It'd totally be like the end of A Midsummer Night's Dream.
RICHARD: Zedd, this dude hasn't got anything to hold his junk in place! I'm not flying solo!
CARA: *snorfle*
CARA: What is this shi-“Made in China”?? I've pulled classier jewellery out of a Happy Meal!
ZEDD: By the way, you're going to have to take rampant misogyny on the chin, and also rhyme.
If looks could kill, Zedd would already be six foot under The Underworld, ie deader than dead. But Cara loves Kahlan more than her pride and decides get her Miss Congeniality on.
Princess Cara makes her magnificent entrance, armed to the teeth with her secret weapon: DECOLLETAGE.
Richard, Cara's meant to be seducing The Margrave, not you.
OH MY. OH NO. OH LOL.
THE MARGRAVE: Miss Rhode Island Dunstable, please describe your idea of a perfect date.
DRUSILLA: That's a tough one. I would have to say April 25th. Because it's not too hot, not too cold, all you need is a light jacket.
CARA: The rain in Spain… goes mainly down the drain…?
HAHAHAAAA.
CARA: [to Zedd] You're gonna get yours, Henry Higgins, just you wait.
Kahlan hasn't forgiven the guards for pulling her hair.
She's working out a complex escape plan that involves throat-punching and origami cutlery.
Zedd's recipe for blonde highlights seems to be seeping into Richard's cranium...
RICHARD: Dude. I'm too sexy for this room. Why aren't I chasing skirts?
…while Cara rather adorably turns what was probably a waltz into krumping.
ZEDD: Glide! Glide! Don't pick your feet up. Don't, don't... Why are you picking your feet up?
CARA: Because I'm preparing to run away!
Richard tries flirting with The Margrave again.
…and failing that he propositions the Herald. Still nothing! Goldilocks is losing his mojo.
Cara's secret weapons are deployed.
Everyone's favourite stuntwoman, Vanessa, is distracted by Cara's cleavage and face-plants magnificently. You can enjoy this scene in greater detail here :)
And then The Margrave starts talking about discipline and Cara is like WAIT, I KNOW THIS ONE and proceeds to wax poetical about hurting people. IT'S AMAZING.
IT'S LIKE THE OLYMPICS ONLY WITH MORE ICY GLARES THAN ICY SPORTS.
ALSO AMAZING: hjea sent me her ‘dramatic reading’ of Cara's Torture Poetry! Needless to say, I now have a new ringtone.
ZEDD: The Margrave's sister might know where the key is. She's that one over there.
RICHARD: Hello baby. The Seeker of Virtue is on the case!
ZEDD: Noooo, the other one.
RICHARD: I hate my life.
I have no commentary for Craig's abs, I just like them.
…And did you ladies purchase the same wig? Embarrassing.
CARA: ENOUGH! It's time to settle this this good old fashioned way. With sex.
PRINCESS FAN-PROXY: Zedd and the Herald are moving to kiss!! Shoot them brave Margrave, don't dally, don't miss!
In her spare time, Princess Cara loves to eat Shadrin livers, play to win and break the rules.
THE R/K SEXYTIEMS ARABIAN NIGHTS MUSIC!!!!!!! WE SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE!! LOLOLOLOLOL!
The Margrave asks Princess Cara if she realises how many laws of Right and Good she's broken, and she replies to the effect that bad girls have more fun anyway and would you like some steaming liver?
SHOW, I LOVE YOU.
Look out Sir Playboy, the ghosts of girlfriends past have come for a word.
MRS NOT-MARGRAVE: If I die, I'll be reunited with my loved ones in the Underworld.
KAHLAN: If I die THE UNIVERSE WILL BE DESTROYED.
Best. One-up. Ever.
Oops, is that your crotch? Oh my hand is slipping!
Dear guests, I must attend to an important matter of State. Namely, the state of my pants.
Foreplay with Cara.
BAHAHAAA!
And then The Margrave makes the mistake of role-playing Kahlan's confession move. Look at her feisty fight face!
Dear Margrave the sight of your face makes me sick
You decadent, pompous, self-satisfied-*SMACK*
\o/
AND THEN KAHLAN KILLS A GUARD WITH A FREAKIN' PLATE!!
AND CARA COMES IN ALL GUNS BLAZING TO SAVE HER GIRLFRIEND.
Lovelovelove the way Cara gives the dazed guard one last shove just to finish him off.
In the heat of battle Kahlan delivers a stirring message:
KAHLAN: You too can have hair with gloss and volume if you condition it. Your hair is in your hands Arla. Only yours.
Cara's like THIS IS THE MOST FUN I'VE HAD IN WEEKS!
KAHLAN: What, no army?
CARA: That would be in my other dress.
WHERE ARE THE MEN? NOBODY CARES. AIN'T NO DAMSELS IN DISTRESS UP IN THIS PIECE.
They're so empowered they even get the full symbolism of swords instead of their teeny daggers and Agiels. NICE.
7thketch this one's for you :P
Richard arrives just in time to miss the fighting and start a speech...
But Nicci has better things to do, like pretend to be Trinity from The Matrix *jump-smash*
SQUEEEEEEEEEE.
Let's wrap with the hilar pic @lrbcn tweeted me:
♥ THIS FANDOM!
Permalink :P pirateygoodness's Ladyspam 2.13: Princess Cara and Lady Kahlan: A Love Story.
TOO MUCH FUN! FOR RAHLSIES REALSIES! I can't believe we're only half way through the season, so much stuff has happened! Whatever will they think of next? If it involves C/K kicking butts and taking names I AM THERE.
Happy hiatus Sexy Seeker Peeps. I'm off on holiday, let the good times roll.
EDIT EDIT EDIT! The writer of this episode, and officially our new favourite person, Stephen Tolkin, dropped by the recap to say hi! What a lovely guy :)
Browse the Legend of the Seeker
Cracky Recaps archive HERE