(no subject)
Today I was doing one of the most monotonous and boring jobs ever, and during those 6 hours my mind was running free. I noticed that thinking of my ex doesn't hurt anymore, instead, whenever I recall memories of us or see his pictures online, my mind goes blank. Where there was pain and desperation now there's nothing. A void, an empty space where my heart used to be. I still find it sad but if he came back to me now I wouldn't want him. I still think he deserves to be fucked in the ass with the biggest dildo ever but...I don't know, maybe I think he's not worth the hassle anymore.
One thing that worries me is that I'm realizing how much damage this story has done to me. I wonder if I will ever be able to let anyone come close to me without freaking out and running away screaming. These days I'm very good at finding flaws in guys. It's also true that there isn't (and there's never been) a very long queue of them waiting for me, so I don't need to worry too much...
...but I just can't seem to relax. Oh well, I guess this will pass...
But maybe I've had my share of it and should just be happy with that...
One thing that worries me is that I'm realizing how much damage this story has done to me. I wonder if I will ever be able to let anyone come close to me without freaking out and running away screaming. These days I'm very good at finding flaws in guys. It's also true that there isn't (and there's never been) a very long queue of them waiting for me, so I don't need to worry too much...
...but I just can't seem to relax. Oh well, I guess this will pass...
But maybe I've had my share of it and should just be happy with that...