I'm feeling crap, have a journal about it
No one reads this, so it's the perfect place to be mopey without hoping no one finds you pathetic. Since no one watches me here, it's perfect.
Moved out my uni flat today. Not that I was really staying there, but still. My entire first year of uni life in black bags. It barely fit in mum's Corsa. So I'm feeling really kind of down about that. I'm still trapped in Perth, still on my own when mum and her man go to work, still struggling to find a job, still in a tiny fucking room that I share with my 14 year old brother. Of course, all my uni stuff is going to get thrown up into the loft. It's all going to smell musty when I take it back out but hey, who cares right? It's only Lara's uni stuff, stuff she uses every day.
I put up some posters in that tiny room today. Feels less like a guest room but it still isn't home. I miss my friends. At least in Ed they were only 45 min by bus / 30 min by train away. Now It's 1.5 Hrs by train or 1hr by car and even then if it's by car it has to be stupid oclock in the morning on a weekday because thats the only time mum goes near them. I feel really isolated up here. I don't know the area well at all and it just doesn't feel as much like home as my flat did.
My mum's having more fun than I am. She's been on holiday while I was stuck cat sitting and this weekend she's going to a festival of sorts. Meanwhile I'm stuck at home, again. On my own, again. I'm not bitter she's having fun because she does deserve it, I just...want to do something too. I'm fed up of being on my own and not having the cash to do anything. Even after handing out a while bunch of job applications, no one hired me. They say 'we'll call' and then they don't and it just makes me feel like I'm not even worth a minute of someone's time, because really it would only take a minute for them to say 'Sorry, nothing for you.' down a phoneline. Even a god damn email.
It's not even just doing stuff I need money for. I need to get a new passport, a provisional driver's license, pay for my exam resits or just pay mum back at least, pay for driving lessons, get new glasses, go to the dentist and get conned out of almost 200 quid, then buy a tooth guard thing to stop me gritting my teeth into dust at night. Money money money. Urgh, I hate this.
I sound like such a whiny bitch, my god. I'm so glad no one watches me, the last thing they'd want to read is this.
Moved out my uni flat today. Not that I was really staying there, but still. My entire first year of uni life in black bags. It barely fit in mum's Corsa. So I'm feeling really kind of down about that. I'm still trapped in Perth, still on my own when mum and her man go to work, still struggling to find a job, still in a tiny fucking room that I share with my 14 year old brother. Of course, all my uni stuff is going to get thrown up into the loft. It's all going to smell musty when I take it back out but hey, who cares right? It's only Lara's uni stuff, stuff she uses every day.
I put up some posters in that tiny room today. Feels less like a guest room but it still isn't home. I miss my friends. At least in Ed they were only 45 min by bus / 30 min by train away. Now It's 1.5 Hrs by train or 1hr by car and even then if it's by car it has to be stupid oclock in the morning on a weekday because thats the only time mum goes near them. I feel really isolated up here. I don't know the area well at all and it just doesn't feel as much like home as my flat did.
My mum's having more fun than I am. She's been on holiday while I was stuck cat sitting and this weekend she's going to a festival of sorts. Meanwhile I'm stuck at home, again. On my own, again. I'm not bitter she's having fun because she does deserve it, I just...want to do something too. I'm fed up of being on my own and not having the cash to do anything. Even after handing out a while bunch of job applications, no one hired me. They say 'we'll call' and then they don't and it just makes me feel like I'm not even worth a minute of someone's time, because really it would only take a minute for them to say 'Sorry, nothing for you.' down a phoneline. Even a god damn email.
It's not even just doing stuff I need money for. I need to get a new passport, a provisional driver's license, pay for my exam resits or just pay mum back at least, pay for driving lessons, get new glasses, go to the dentist and get conned out of almost 200 quid, then buy a tooth guard thing to stop me gritting my teeth into dust at night. Money money money. Urgh, I hate this.
I sound like such a whiny bitch, my god. I'm so glad no one watches me, the last thing they'd want to read is this.