Beginning the journal process again, as I formalize the self-discovery process.
Happy Wednesday....So I started therapy again a couple of weeks ago . I was frustrated yesterday related to not having an easy scientific way to measure progress in a session or a way to chart accomplishment of tangible goals. I just realized that journaling will actually help me make faster progress AND help me measure that progress in a way. So….here we are.
Things that have the thinking gears going…
a few quotes from bones:
"Buddhists say that if we can lose ourselves in a moment without distraction or desire then we experience truth." - Bones
“When we discover what we need, we discover who we are.” - sweets
"destruction is easier than harmony ... but not more powerful."
"I've noticed that very few people are scary once they've been poked in the eye." - Bones
My friend aisha posted this to her facebook:
Lesson of the night: The more detached someone is (in general) the less responsibility they have to others. Is this why we shield ourselves from forming close bonds? Is it a fear of being responsible to another? The fear of having another depend on you? Count on you? Inherit feelings of inadequacy? Fearful that you will fail? Without risk there can be no reward... *Caffeine induced ramblings*
I will have to expound upon these later. For now, I want to focus on what my self-improvement goals are at the moment, in no particular order, and not well organized. =P Possibly listed in order of the most distressing considering how quickly some came up in comparison to others...relating to how dissatisfied i am with that aspect of my life... *shrug* I do a good job of suriviving, but now I want to learn how to thrive.
- Be ON TIME, nearly all the time...for people, places, and things. The only thing I'm on time for now is work, and barely that. Granted, it's a miracle - I used to be late for EVERYTHING. :)
- Be more consistently productive and proactive....I've had a lot of time off of work lately and I've spent most of that time not doing much of anything besides watching serial episodes of bones on netflix instead of shcoolwork, art, working on the new apartment, cooking, laundry, etc. There have been a few sporadic outings and time with the beau and a sprinkling of schoolwork, however, I ended up slipping into a depression because I wasn't, well, pressing myself. Watching Bones is great and all, but my goals got pushed aside with some OCD pushes of the next episode button.
- Take better care of myself, get in shape so that I can feel better and physically handle stress better - I stopped going to the gym and I can feel my body deteriorating, starting to ache more. This would include consistent yoga, too.
- Learn to foster emotional/mental balance through meditation and listening to my instincts and inner processes more in order to identify what/why I am feeling something and prevent supression of feelings and then getting suddenly overwhelemed. [excuse the grammar here....] Also, improve critical thinking and empathy skills.
- Live a more spiritual life.
- Live a more intentful and productive artistic life.
- Improve my friendships/relationships! Many of my relationships are underdeveloped. The only relationship I consisistently put any effort into is with whomever I am dating at the time.
- Create my ideal job, or at least lay the foundation for that path. It would involve art, nursing/healing - both eastern and western modalities, public speaking, writing, travel, research, and being involved with a cause - still yet to be identified. Ultimately, by showing up to my med-surg job i am still working on that path. Healing myself more will facilitiate clarification of the path and add skillsets. I really want to save the world, one seed of hope at a time. :) ...and I want other cohorts along on that path with me. But, I know I am meant to be a leader based on the experiences God has given me thus far in life, and I'm coming to accept that fact. For once, I need to lead myself first, so I can improve upon the leadership skills I've gained in the past and prevent some of the same mistakes from happening.
I'm sure I'm missing something, but that's the basics, I suspect.
For the record, I've accomplished not using drugs or alcohol for 3+ years, and quit smoking a year ago (about), and have survived Nursing for nearly 2 years now. :) Those are some major things. :) Also, I wrote this over coffee and cereal instead of watching another episode of Bones. :)