Calliope - Chapter Five
Chapter Five
"No, like this, Blue." Jutta swung Kurt around in time to the music.
He tried to execute the dance move gracefully, but his tail tangled around their legs again, nearly toppling them both.
"Ach, I'll never get this!" Kurt muttered, underneath the sound of laughter.
"Sure you'll get it. You can walk a tightrope with your eyes closed, dancing should be no big deal." She giggled, her red hair beginning to escape from its ponytail.
The two of them were standing in the practice tent. The younger members of der Jahrmarkt used it as a place to get together when they weren't working. A transistor radio had been brought in, and a card table with chairs. There was a dart board at one end, as well. The set up wasn't much, but it was somewhere to go and something to do. Youth called to youth, after all.
The strong odors of straw and sawdust mixed with the smell of beer, and most of them were in attendance this Tuesday evening in late summer. Jimaine and Lena sat on a bale of hay by the door, half-way watching Kurt's dance lesson, but mostly gossiping. Stefan, Lars, and Toni had been deep into a game of cards, until the impromptu floor show grabbed their attention.
Kurt was relieved to see Stefan acting like his usual self. Lately, his brother had been argumentative and moody, spending more and more time off by himself.
"What do you know, the star of der Jahrmarkt has two left feet!" Lars crowed.
"But he makes up for it by being so cute!" Lena retorted, winking at Kurt. "Have you ever seen such a sweet smile?"
"I think I saw such a smile on a Doberman once."
Jutta looked at the Italian lion-tamer with a smirk. "You're just jealous because Kurt's a star and you're not, Toni."
Lars and Stefan both cackled at that.
"Jealous? Of him?"
Taking in the growing tension, Jimaine interrupted at this point, "all right, all right, you boys just go back to your little game. Jutta, let me try." She got up and walked over to them. Grinning at Kurt, she held out her arms in a traditional dance pose. "Jutta's right, anyone who has your natural grace can learn to dance, now let's try this again, and start with the basics."
Eighteen now, Jimaine was stunning by anyone's standards; she was tall, with a heart-shaped face, long golden hair and a body toned by years of acrobatic work. She radiated confidence and vitality.
She placed his hand on her waist, and her own on his shoulder, stepping just close enough to brush against him. Kurt's heart thudded like a drum in his chest. Time had done nothing to diminish his feelings for Jimaine, if anything, they were stronger now than ever. Working with her in their act was one thing, he could almost keep a kind of professional distance. This was something else altogether. His face felt hot and he just knew he was going to make a fool of himself, again.
"Now watch what I do....left...no your left, not mine....watch the tail....here, give me that thing." Jimaine held out her hand. Kurt looked at her with a raised eyebrow, but flipped his tail over to lay across her palm. She wrapped it around her waist like a belt. "Now, that's out of the way. Again..left..."
"I'm telling you, Jimaine, it's hopeless. These feet are not meant for dancing."
"Nonsense. How do you expect to keep cultivating that image of a romantic devil if you can't even woo a lady with a dance? Now concentrate."
An American band called Boston, was singing about someone named 'Amanda' on the little transistor. Kurt moved in time to the song, but was lost when he looked up to find Jimaine gazing into his eyes. He was suddenly drowning in those green depths. She blushed and curled her lips into a smile. His arm tightened around her and he could feel the warmth of her body, even through her sweater.
"Good, you're getting it."
"Hmm? Getting what?" Kurt murmured. He couldn't look away.
"Dancing," she whispered, inching her face closer, her lips parted.
The song ended and the moment was lost. Quickly, Jimaine stepped back, but was caught fast by an appendage that had a mind of its own. Kurt unwrapped his tail from her waist, blushing furiously and thankful for his dark coloring.
Glancing around, he felt as much as saw the glare Toni had fixed on him. It wasn't just Toni's attention he had, either, he noticed. Kurt looked into Stefan's dark, inscrutable face. Their eyes met and held. Kurt was the first to look away.
Feeling awkward, he made his excuses and wandered off into the night, alone.
Kurt considered returning home to the small trailer he now shared with his brother, but the thought of going back to that cramped and shabby place, even tinier than the one he grew up in, wasn't appealing. Yes, it afforded the two young men a measure of independence and privacy, but it didn't exactly feel homey. He veered away to walk in the woods, the music and voices of his friends fading. Out here, he wasn't likely to be disturbed. Even should he happen to stumble across someone else, his dark fur would conceal him in the shadows.
A nearly full moon hung in the sky, with clouds skittering now and again in front of it. There was a cool breeze that played across his face, caressing him like a lover. His path was aimless and he remained lost in his thoughts. Of course, Jimaine dominated those.
It seemed to Kurt that she had looked at him differently tonight, while they danced. In her eyes, he imagined he saw a reflection of his own feelings, and he smiled to himself. Was it possible that she could ever love him? Really love him, not as a brother or even a friend, but as a man? He was certain he had seen something.
He sat down by a small pond and let his mind continue to wander. What would her lips taste like? His own tingled at the thought. What about her smooth skin, so different from his? He imagined what it would feel like to touch the curves that her costume revealed so completely -- those same curves that had been pressed against him only a short time before. The thought sent an insistent heat creeping over his body. He clenched his hands into fists and took a deep breath of the night air.
His mind created a life with her by his side, loving him. One day, he'd make enough money to buy der Jahrmarkt, and the two of them could run the circus together. He knew she wanted to travel, but surely that was only a phase. What other life did either of them know? They were happy here.
He envisioned a daughter as lovely as her mother, and his heart swelled at the thought of having a family of his own, not one borrowed. Then that image was overlaid by a child who resembled him. Kurt swallowed the lump that rose in his throat. How would Jimaine feel about that? Would she want to bring another child like him into the world, to face the same prejudices? Perhaps no children, then. Still, as long as the two of them were together...
He thought about how sure of himself he felt at times when he was with her -- at least when he wasn't worried he was going to look like a love-sick fool. Maybe it was in the way she looked at him, daring him to be his best. Maybe it was how her direct acceptance of life made his frequent worries seem less significant. Whatever the case, she was able to touch the deepest part of his heart and strengthen it. There had never been a time in his life when they weren't close, and he didn't want to imagine one.
Kurt's pleasant reverie was interrupted by the sound of voices. One of them belonged to Jimaine. Curious, he moved closer, under the cover of darkness.
"I said no, Toni! What, do you think you can yell at me, then expect me to have sex with you afterwards?" Jimaine hissed furiously.
"Why you play the prude now, Jimi? Maybe you still thinking about someone else, eh?" Toni was glaring at her, his hand clenching and unclenching.
"What are you talking about? We were dancing, that's all."
"Did not look like just dancing. I see the way he look at you, and you look at him the same."
"You're imagining things, stop being a jealous ass." Jimaine crossed her arms.
"I am imagining? Then why no love for Toni tonight, hm?" He reached out and tried to embrace her again. Jimaine shoved him roughly away.
"Back off, I'm not in the mood!"
"Not in the mood? I show you a mood!" Toni grabbed her wrist roughly and raised his other hand to strike her.
Kurt launched himself at the Sicilian, landing with his fist planted solidly against Toni's mouth. He followed with a punch to the ribs, and a knee to the groin before Toni ever got in his first swing -- a glancing blow that Kurt barely felt in his rage. How did that bastard dare to even think about hurting Jimaine?
The fight was over almost before it started, and he stood over the 'Greek god fallen to earth' in grim satisfaction. "Perhaps it wasn't my brother you should have worried about after all." Kurt smiled thinly.
Toni's only reply was a groan of pain.
Kurt turned to Jimaine then, to see if she was all right. He met her withering glare before she whirled on her heel and stalked away. Confused, he ran to catch up.
"Jimaine?"
"Feel better?" she snapped.
"What do you mean? I was protecting you..."
"Protecting me? That wasn't about me, Kurt!"
"How can you say that? He was about to hit you!" Kurt said indignantly.
"And if he had, I would have turned his prick into an earthworm and his balls into marbles. I'm a Szardos, remember?" Her voice dripped with sarcasm.
"You can do that?" Kurt asked in a small, incredulous voice. He shook his head to dispel the visual. "That's not the point! What did you mean, it wasn't about you?"
"I mean it was about you. You've been wanting to do that since you were thirteen years old, and I just happened to give you an excuse. Oh, sure, you could cover it up by pretending to be the hero running in to save the day, rescuing the fair damsel in distress. Did you plan on me falling into your arms in a puddle of tears, eternally grateful?" Jimaine cut her eyes at him scornfully.
"I..." Kurt scowled. Damn, this wasn't going how he expected at all!
Stopping, Jimaine rounded on him, jabbing her finger into his chest. "Look Kurt, you aren't some swashbuckling hero and I'm sure as hell not a damsel in need of rescuing, got it?"
"Fine. I was only trying to help." He held his hands up in surrender, but he was angry now.
She gazed at him, the ire dropping a notch. Shaking her head, she went on, "what do you think is going to happen if you pull something like that with the wrong guy? This time it was Toni the twit, who can bully just fine but can't fight his way out of a paper bag, but it might not always be like that. You can't go rushing in, risking your fool neck every time the whim hits -- it's just going to get you killed one day!"
"It's my neck!" Kurt shouted back.
Her eyes glistened. "And just how do you think I'll feel if something happens to it!"
Kurt deflated, the fight gone out of him. This argument was because she had been worried?
"Jimaine, sweetheart...."
She looked away and put her hand up, interrupting him, "Stop. Enough. I don't want to hear it."
"But..."
"I said stop. Just leave me alone. I don't want to talk to you right now, Kurt."
He stared at her, frustrated and indecisive. She turned without another word and walked away.
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Later, Kurt lay awake in the single bedroom he shared with his brother. There was just enough space in there for two twin beds with an end table between and a wardrobe they also had to share. He stared at the stained ceiling, replaying the argument in his mind.
He was still frustrated. What had Jimaine expected him to do, just watch? Any other girl would have been happy for his intervention, but not her! "Ach, women!" Kurt growled in disgust.
He heard Stefan's heavy, staggering tread approaching. Drunk again, it seemed. That was just what he needed to deal with right now.
Stefan stumbled into the bedroom, reeking of gin. He didn't bother with a light, and collapsed across his bed. Kurt heard the thud of his brother's boots being kicked into the corner.
"I know you're awake over there, runt, I can see your eyes." Stefan muttered thickly.
"Yes, I am. Why?" Kurt asked, in no mood to talk.
"What the hell do you think you're doing?"
"Trying to fall asleep?"
"You know what I mean," Stefan snapped.
Kurt sighed. Oh this night just kept getting better. "No, I'm not sure I do, why don't you tell me?"
"What's say we talk about my sister -- you know, the one you follow around like a puppy."
Kurt remained silent for a moment before replying, "what about her?"
"Just what do you suppose is going to happen? You think you're gonna live happily ever after with her or do you just want to fuck her?"
Kurt gritted his teeth at the crudeness. "I love her."
"Love her? She's really got you under the Szardos spell, doesn't she?" Stefan chuckled, a low, almost mean sound.
Not wanting to hear this, Kurt didn't answer.
"Look, take my advice, don't do this to yourself."
"I didn't ask for your advice."
He felt Stefan looking at him in the darkness before his brother softly responded, "so you didn't, runt." Yawning, he added, "right, well I gotta get some sleep. 'Night."
A tense and challenging silence stretched between them. After a time, he heard Stefan's snores.
Sleep was a long time in coming for Kurt.