old friend of mine
I have realised not to fight the things that aren't meant to be.
Sometimes, things just don't work out, and ... that's ok.
Don't attempt too much, don't attempt to please everyone. Because someone will get let down, and often that person is yourself.
I've been thinking about life. I wonder how long I can design for before I get sick of it? Even though my job isn't that stressful, it takes a lot of strength to be creative all the time...I wonder if it's like ovaries, maybe one day it'll just run out and there's no more left. I'm still new, so I have enough drive to do more designs and give customers what they want, and alternate (better) versions...which a lot of the times they don't choose. I'm conflicted, I mean...as designers we're not respected despite the time, the thought and conceptual strategy we imbue into our designs. But at the same time, I wonder, are we just self absorbed wankers? I mean, what makes us feel we have the right to fuss and fume over clients wanting something for -their- own business (even if it isn't tasteful)? What gives us the right to dictate what is cool and aesthetically meaningful when 80% of the population probably regard the words aesthetically meaningful as oxymorons?
Maybe I've said this before, but I value independence a lot. I hate people who are weak and rely on others. But at the same time, I am weak, inside, I want to rely on others, and I've realised, I'm not really that independent. So I'm a hypocrite and I failed my own categories for life. Regardless of what I say, I'm lonely. I want to be able to count on someone, and I guess maybe that's why I value relationships so highly. Knowing that at the end of the day, there's someone you can always count on, and someone...needs you? Needs your attention, your care, your love.
I love the idea of love. Of being pregnant and of "making a home". They seem so simple, so quaint, so paisley-country-garden-simple-kind-of-happy-life. But I don't like kids, and I don't want to get married. Maybe I like the idea of creating something with someone, of being a meaningful person, being a meaningful existence?
I'm not sure, I feel like I'm meant to be an adult, but inside I'm still the insecure naive 10 year old girl who still doesn't really understand. at all.
Sometimes, things just don't work out, and ... that's ok.
Don't attempt too much, don't attempt to please everyone. Because someone will get let down, and often that person is yourself.
I've been thinking about life. I wonder how long I can design for before I get sick of it? Even though my job isn't that stressful, it takes a lot of strength to be creative all the time...I wonder if it's like ovaries, maybe one day it'll just run out and there's no more left. I'm still new, so I have enough drive to do more designs and give customers what they want, and alternate (better) versions...which a lot of the times they don't choose. I'm conflicted, I mean...as designers we're not respected despite the time, the thought and conceptual strategy we imbue into our designs. But at the same time, I wonder, are we just self absorbed wankers? I mean, what makes us feel we have the right to fuss and fume over clients wanting something for -their- own business (even if it isn't tasteful)? What gives us the right to dictate what is cool and aesthetically meaningful when 80% of the population probably regard the words aesthetically meaningful as oxymorons?
Maybe I've said this before, but I value independence a lot. I hate people who are weak and rely on others. But at the same time, I am weak, inside, I want to rely on others, and I've realised, I'm not really that independent. So I'm a hypocrite and I failed my own categories for life. Regardless of what I say, I'm lonely. I want to be able to count on someone, and I guess maybe that's why I value relationships so highly. Knowing that at the end of the day, there's someone you can always count on, and someone...needs you? Needs your attention, your care, your love.
I love the idea of love. Of being pregnant and of "making a home". They seem so simple, so quaint, so paisley-country-garden-simple-kind-of-happy-life. But I don't like kids, and I don't want to get married. Maybe I like the idea of creating something with someone, of being a meaningful person, being a meaningful existence?
I'm not sure, I feel like I'm meant to be an adult, but inside I'm still the insecure naive 10 year old girl who still doesn't really understand. at all.