Say something, please
Sometimes in our life we fuck up. Royally. This isn't an excuse. There is none. I broke your heart. I wish you'd talk to me. Just say something. This silence is deafening and I know I deserve it. There's so much I want to say to you. This isn't who I really am. I don't know what I'm doing right now. I'm being selfish. I quit my job at Hooters. That's not me and I know it. I'm going to quit the stuff I know you hate me doing. Not for you, but for my own sake to become again the person I know I really am. Maybe even stop smoking cigarettes (that'll be a hard process). I'm trying to get back to the person I really am. I've been so wrapped up in trying to get over Derek and not be hurt again that I hurt you worse than I could ever hurt anyone. I'd like for you to get to know the person I really am. I've been using drugs, smoking, drinking and yes even cheating to cover up and escape my real pain. I can't ever express how sorry I truly am. I know how it feels to be hurt like I did you and I never wanted to hurt you. I feel like I'm tearing myself apart. I want to make things right with you so bad it kills me. I haven't told Carrie or Brant. I'm scared to let anyone know that I really do care for you and I really do miss you because I know they'll use it against me. I know I can't make things right but I'd give the world to try. I'm on my knees begging you to just speak to me. I'm scared of what you might say because I know it won't be good, but I'd rather have you tell me what a horrible person I am than to never speak to me again. Every time I see you I leave because I know it hurts you to see me and it hurts me to see you. I get nervous and it catches my breath and I don't know what to say or do. I know I haven't been honest with you. I'm trying now. I'm probably going to disappear for a while and just spend time with my family. They are really important to me and I haven't spent much time with them. I would call you but I know you wouldn't answer or you'd hang up. I'm scared to. I'm asking you to call me or send me a message just to talk to me, please Shawn.