In your head.....
I'm not sure where to start with this. Some of you guys may have noticed that i've been on a major posting spree over the past couple of days. I think thats possibly something to do with my trying to avoid whats going on in this thing i call a brain, I can't help thinking that some of it is to do with the childish side of me rebelling against the fact that i'm soon going to be a mother. But the past couple of days have shown that i can no longer just give up and hide when i feel it suits me.
James and i have had a few long talks which have led me to realise how much of selfish cow i've been. Not just to everyone else but myself and my unborn child. I don't excactly know what it was that made me all of a sudden stop and think yesterday, but i'm wondering if it had something to to with my appointment yesterday. I had an ante natel check through the day and while there i got talking to another girl who was pregnant and really big bumpwise - this led me to believe that she was almost full term but she told me that she was only 20 weeks. To be shown how big you're supposed to be compared to how big i am is somewhat worrying. I know last week that i was told that bump was a little on the small side for my dates but "it's nothing really to worry about" apperently. I can't help it at times though. I've smoked and put my baby through a number of fits that were almost back to back so isn't it any wonder that i am a tad worrysome?
I'm not really sure how to make up for it but i 'think' i may have made a start. I didn't have a ciggie at all yesterday and i don't plan on having one at all today either. I'll just keep telling myself 'just because i want one' isn't really a good enough reason to have one. I'm also going to be a touch cheeky and ask if i could possibly turn to you guys for a little support here. I know you all have your lives to go through too but maybe if you just let me know that once in a while you were thinking of me and sending me good vibes....? It would be appreciated greatly. :)
As for the writing and updating thing, i think as well as it bieng a creative outlet it's also a form of denying myself that 'time' so to speak to be able to go and have a cig or even think about it. But hey, you should see my to do list for today.
James and i have had a few long talks which have led me to realise how much of selfish cow i've been. Not just to everyone else but myself and my unborn child. I don't excactly know what it was that made me all of a sudden stop and think yesterday, but i'm wondering if it had something to to with my appointment yesterday. I had an ante natel check through the day and while there i got talking to another girl who was pregnant and really big bumpwise - this led me to believe that she was almost full term but she told me that she was only 20 weeks. To be shown how big you're supposed to be compared to how big i am is somewhat worrying. I know last week that i was told that bump was a little on the small side for my dates but "it's nothing really to worry about" apperently. I can't help it at times though. I've smoked and put my baby through a number of fits that were almost back to back so isn't it any wonder that i am a tad worrysome?
I'm not really sure how to make up for it but i 'think' i may have made a start. I didn't have a ciggie at all yesterday and i don't plan on having one at all today either. I'll just keep telling myself 'just because i want one' isn't really a good enough reason to have one. I'm also going to be a touch cheeky and ask if i could possibly turn to you guys for a little support here. I know you all have your lives to go through too but maybe if you just let me know that once in a while you were thinking of me and sending me good vibes....? It would be appreciated greatly. :)
As for the writing and updating thing, i think as well as it bieng a creative outlet it's also a form of denying myself that 'time' so to speak to be able to go and have a cig or even think about it. But hey, you should see my to do list for today.
- Complete tasks 3 and 4 of my creative writing assingments
- Possibly type up some of the future tasks so other people can do them on live journal
- Make a start on a short story idea i had last night while watching T.V
- Do some washing up
- Add anything else that i've not thought of just yet