13 minutes
It's 2 am and i'm waiting to see if Brooklynn stays asleep or if I'll be up even later. I'll be waking her up in a couple hours to try and get her back into her normal schedule. doing most of her sleeping 12-6am then 8-10am. then up until 1pm, then sleeping 1-4pm then up until 12am.
It should be easier to work with her seeing as how during the week, I'm not working anymore. Zach got more hours at papa john's so that I'll be able to stay home with her during the week. thank god.
Nobody likes me working during the week, Zach and i get into huge fights about it. He gets mad at me for going, and i get mad at him for being mad at me for being responsible. i hate leaving Brooklynn with him when he's mad. i know he won't do anything to her, it's just that she thinks we're mad at her. That's the thing i hate most about fighting now and try to avoid it. But when zach wants me to stay home and I won't, then there's a fight I can't avoid. He'll be mad, because I'm going to go to work if I'm scheduled.
I'm not sure if I want to become a manager still. Every manager i know says it's SO stressful, and I'm not sure I want that, but i do NOT want to stay at wendy's as a crew member. I'll stay on for now, and do my manager training, i can demote myself if i want. I don't have to be a manager if i don't like it.
2 Weeks until the big 1-8. Zach has to work that night. he tried to ask for it off and was told that 2 other people have asked for it off and he can't get out of it. He has first out though, so I'm pretty sure we're going to keep the same night, if not then november 1st.
I was pretty excited to have some company tonight and I'm not really sure why I didn't call anyone else when it fell through. I didn't need anyone to take me anywhere, I just wanted someone to come sit with me. I really can't think of why I didn't call Robless or someone. It seems so stupid now. Oh well. As is life.
I decided to wait on school. we do not have the money right now. plain and simple. we're getting married in february. nothing big. nothing fancy. probably renting a room out in some hotel and just having our close friends come and see us married before we fly out to florida to see jen, rich and the girls. Jaymin's birthday is exactly 1 week after mine. she's turning 6. I can't believe that this is abirthday I'm going to miss. I love that kid like crazy, almost as much as Brooklynn. I've been a part of her life from the day she was born, and I hate missing it. Nothing I acn do though, it's part of the situation.
Nobody lied to me. When they're your own, everything is amazing. The first laugh, the precious smiles, even at 2 am when you're so tired, you find the beauty in their exhausted little face, and heart wrenching whimpers. You just love them so much that you think you're going to burst, but since you can't explode, you just let it out through tears. You love them so much that you can't contain it. sometimes you catch a lone tear trickling down your face as you're holding them, asleep in your arms. Nothing is more perfect than that. I mean it, being a Mom really is the most amazing thing.
I wish I had more to say, but it's now 12:13 am and she hasn't woken up, which is my cue that it's safe to sleep for the next 5 hours until i take zach to work so I can cash my paycheck and finally get some things we've needed, like food. lol.
thank you all for reading.
♥ stephanie
It should be easier to work with her seeing as how during the week, I'm not working anymore. Zach got more hours at papa john's so that I'll be able to stay home with her during the week. thank god.
Nobody likes me working during the week, Zach and i get into huge fights about it. He gets mad at me for going, and i get mad at him for being mad at me for being responsible. i hate leaving Brooklynn with him when he's mad. i know he won't do anything to her, it's just that she thinks we're mad at her. That's the thing i hate most about fighting now and try to avoid it. But when zach wants me to stay home and I won't, then there's a fight I can't avoid. He'll be mad, because I'm going to go to work if I'm scheduled.
I'm not sure if I want to become a manager still. Every manager i know says it's SO stressful, and I'm not sure I want that, but i do NOT want to stay at wendy's as a crew member. I'll stay on for now, and do my manager training, i can demote myself if i want. I don't have to be a manager if i don't like it.
2 Weeks until the big 1-8. Zach has to work that night. he tried to ask for it off and was told that 2 other people have asked for it off and he can't get out of it. He has first out though, so I'm pretty sure we're going to keep the same night, if not then november 1st.
I was pretty excited to have some company tonight and I'm not really sure why I didn't call anyone else when it fell through. I didn't need anyone to take me anywhere, I just wanted someone to come sit with me. I really can't think of why I didn't call Robless or someone. It seems so stupid now. Oh well. As is life.
I decided to wait on school. we do not have the money right now. plain and simple. we're getting married in february. nothing big. nothing fancy. probably renting a room out in some hotel and just having our close friends come and see us married before we fly out to florida to see jen, rich and the girls. Jaymin's birthday is exactly 1 week after mine. she's turning 6. I can't believe that this is abirthday I'm going to miss. I love that kid like crazy, almost as much as Brooklynn. I've been a part of her life from the day she was born, and I hate missing it. Nothing I acn do though, it's part of the situation.
Nobody lied to me. When they're your own, everything is amazing. The first laugh, the precious smiles, even at 2 am when you're so tired, you find the beauty in their exhausted little face, and heart wrenching whimpers. You just love them so much that you think you're going to burst, but since you can't explode, you just let it out through tears. You love them so much that you can't contain it. sometimes you catch a lone tear trickling down your face as you're holding them, asleep in your arms. Nothing is more perfect than that. I mean it, being a Mom really is the most amazing thing.
I wish I had more to say, but it's now 12:13 am and she hasn't woken up, which is my cue that it's safe to sleep for the next 5 hours until i take zach to work so I can cash my paycheck and finally get some things we've needed, like food. lol.
thank you all for reading.
♥ stephanie