(no subject)
i've lost close friends, ive lost people that i have been intmate with and ive lost family as well but ive never lost someone this close to me....someone who had such a grip on my heart and soul.
we where supossed to spend the rest of our lives together at one point...he still promised me that one day it would happen, once he got his life on the right track...until then we would just stay best friends and be there for each other thru thick and thin like we always had been.
we had a pact, if he was going to use he would call me...if i was going to hurt myself i would call him....So why didnt he call??? And who do i have now? now that i dont even want to breath or see another day. My heart is in pain and i dont think it will ever change. I know they say time heals all wounds but i dont think thats so true. This was supossed to be the father of my child, we had been thru EVERYTHING good and bad. My family was his and his was mine.
Today his mom hugged me, she told me she loved me and gave me a enevelop full of photos. I talked to the rest of his family as well.
I dont know how im going to live. Im such a mess and i dont see it changing ever.
I dont know what to think, say or do... my mom wants me to go into the hospital..my sister wants me to see a psychiatrist (sp?)... I just want to know if ill ever be able to actually "live" again.
I still have so many questions and i know they will probably never be answered. Then again his mother said to keep in touch because she loves me and wants to keep in each others lives, its what scotty would have wanted.
i wish he would just come to me, even in just a dream and tell me everything. and tell me that he loves me and it will all be okay.
i cant even drive my car because i want to run it off the road. i havent felt like this or thought like this in years... but then again how sane am i supossed to be right now? i just dont think its possible.
i just dont know....
we where supossed to spend the rest of our lives together at one point...he still promised me that one day it would happen, once he got his life on the right track...until then we would just stay best friends and be there for each other thru thick and thin like we always had been.
we had a pact, if he was going to use he would call me...if i was going to hurt myself i would call him....So why didnt he call??? And who do i have now? now that i dont even want to breath or see another day. My heart is in pain and i dont think it will ever change. I know they say time heals all wounds but i dont think thats so true. This was supossed to be the father of my child, we had been thru EVERYTHING good and bad. My family was his and his was mine.
Today his mom hugged me, she told me she loved me and gave me a enevelop full of photos. I talked to the rest of his family as well.
I dont know how im going to live. Im such a mess and i dont see it changing ever.
I dont know what to think, say or do... my mom wants me to go into the hospital..my sister wants me to see a psychiatrist (sp?)... I just want to know if ill ever be able to actually "live" again.
I still have so many questions and i know they will probably never be answered. Then again his mother said to keep in touch because she loves me and wants to keep in each others lives, its what scotty would have wanted.
i wish he would just come to me, even in just a dream and tell me everything. and tell me that he loves me and it will all be okay.
i cant even drive my car because i want to run it off the road. i havent felt like this or thought like this in years... but then again how sane am i supossed to be right now? i just dont think its possible.
i just dont know....