searching for a lost cause
i think there's meaning in here somewhere.
being alone in my house the last few days has been a strange experience in many ways. i know this may sound odd to many, but i've never lived on my own, or really gone more than a night alone anywhere. having other people constantly around is something i've become used to and taken for granted.
being alone with only my thoughts to crowd my head. but not all thoughts are comforting.
today i was looking forward to going to uni. after my first leacture the joy was gone. the thought occured to me today "i'm really ready to leave this place". i think i've had it for uni. and after 3 and 1/2 years what do you expect? the repetition is no longer comfortable but restricting. and i think i've done all i can do.
but what to do next?
well first things first
i got inot a musical
it's a chorus part in 'a chorus line' being put on by wa stage school. it's not huge and fantasticly fantastic. but it's definately a step in the right direction. after all, this is what i want to DO somewhere down the line.
everything is a bit fuzzy and blurry, like a long night with a bottle of scotch. i'm trying to go forward but i can't see more than two feet ahead of me at any one time. weighing up the options is weighing heavily on my mind. to steal from jimmy page: "been dazed and confused for so long it's not true".
i'll start the war, i'll fight it and i'll win
not that that's related
maybe i want to hear about it cos i'm addicted to the misery of it. maybe i want to avoid it cos i feel so helpless and pathetic when i'm with you. maybe i know i should be alone even though i hate it.
i can't even write a coherent livejournal post. goddamn it.
i think i've somehow managed to stall my life. and i can't find first gear.
being alone in my house the last few days has been a strange experience in many ways. i know this may sound odd to many, but i've never lived on my own, or really gone more than a night alone anywhere. having other people constantly around is something i've become used to and taken for granted.
being alone with only my thoughts to crowd my head. but not all thoughts are comforting.
today i was looking forward to going to uni. after my first leacture the joy was gone. the thought occured to me today "i'm really ready to leave this place". i think i've had it for uni. and after 3 and 1/2 years what do you expect? the repetition is no longer comfortable but restricting. and i think i've done all i can do.
but what to do next?
well first things first
i got inot a musical
it's a chorus part in 'a chorus line' being put on by wa stage school. it's not huge and fantasticly fantastic. but it's definately a step in the right direction. after all, this is what i want to DO somewhere down the line.
everything is a bit fuzzy and blurry, like a long night with a bottle of scotch. i'm trying to go forward but i can't see more than two feet ahead of me at any one time. weighing up the options is weighing heavily on my mind. to steal from jimmy page: "been dazed and confused for so long it's not true".
i'll start the war, i'll fight it and i'll win
not that that's related
maybe i want to hear about it cos i'm addicted to the misery of it. maybe i want to avoid it cos i feel so helpless and pathetic when i'm with you. maybe i know i should be alone even though i hate it.
i can't even write a coherent livejournal post. goddamn it.
i think i've somehow managed to stall my life. and i can't find first gear.