birther theory
This one's for you, krjalk. :)
I have a theory, which is mine, and it is this:
Oh, but first, if you don't know what a 'Birther' is,
spend five minutes knocking round some right-wing looney site
(like WorldNetDaily, for example) and you'll know more than you want to.
Basically, they believe that Barack Obama was not born in the US,
and therefore, according to the constitution,
not legally allowed to be president.
Pretty desperate, huh?
Not like that 'ol rag ever stopped Dubyah in his day, anyhoo!
So anyway, back to my theory, which is about Birthers, and is as follows:
Actually, this theory is related to another theory I have,
and have had since about 1990, about a certain movie star,
which, when I tell it to people causes them to say things like,
"Uhh, like that's ever going to happen, you're an idiot!"
or, "That's impossible, it's unconstitutional!"
which they'll probably say about this theory too,
but, oh look, I've gone and gotten myself sidetracked again!
Now: theory of mine, Birther theory, begins like this:
Well, it began, to be honest, when I asked, "why?"
Why is this stoopid conspiracy theory there?
I mean, it's the sorta thing only the shallow end
of the Republican gene pool would truly believe,
but somehow a little too intellectual for them to come up with.
Your average redneck's more like, "Bah-rack Oh-bamma?
Sounds kinda like I-rack Oh-samma t'me!
Ah reckon he's one a them Mooz-leems!"
I'd say the idea was handed to them by
the arseholes who actually benefit from the Republican agenda.
So to clarify: followed by rednecks, pushed by Fox - why is that?
Not, why do the white trash wanna see Barack's birth certificate?
Who knows why they believe the things they do?
I could care less if Obama's president or not!
Hasn't made one jot of difference to US foreign policy!
Okay, okay, back on track now, my theory, the one about Birthers:
What does the Fox cabal
and all that neocon think-tanky machination behind them
hope to gain by all this?
They can't imagine they'll gain government by these means?
(Not that that would make much difference, as I've implied)
No, it feels like they're pulling a more minor political stunt,
something designed to achieve some indirect gain...
and this is what brought me to my older theory,
the one about a certain action movie star.
At this point you're probably thinking,
ah, he's lost the thread of his argument again!
But I haven't, have I? Have I?
Wait a minute, where was I?
Oh yeah, no, no, I've got it, theory, Birthers, mine, here it is:
President Arnold Schwarzenegger.
You laugh now, but you won't be in 2012.
Many of you will not have heard of the
Amend for Arnold campaign.
There's a reason for that: it died in the arse.
And there's a good reason for that: it was boring.
Run it past any good PR firm and they'd tell you,
you gotta target your demographic dumbasses!
Or rather, you gotta target your demographic: Dumbasses.
Your everyday bible-belt hick don't give a fuck about constitutional reform.
They will, however, care very much about the fact that
THAT BAH-RACK OH-BAMMA IS A DIRTY ROTTEN LIAR
WHO SHOULDN'T OUGHT EVEN BE IN THA WHITEHOUSE!
The Democrats are thus presented with an unpleasant but tempting option -
unpleasant, because they know the Republicans want it too,
but tempting, because it'll wrap up the whole Birther noise,
and the idea of Arnie actually getting in seems so improbable.
Heck, they might even try to use it as a pull for the immigrant vote.
Goddammit, why stop there? Let's propose another bill:
All illegals to be made American Citizens!
Now that's gotta pull the immigrant vote or nothing will!
And as a bonus, a few million new, debt-free consumers are created
(don't shake your head, the Romans tried it).
Now fast-forward to 2012,
the almighty US dollar's gone belly up,
world's on the brink of war,
the Fall of the Empire looms...
Who do the people cry out for?
A strong hand! A booming voice!
Who do all those newly minted citizens look to for their fading dream?
A fellow immigrant! A no-nonsense arse kicker!
ARNIE! ARNIE! ARNIE!
.
I have a theory, which is mine, and it is this:
Oh, but first, if you don't know what a 'Birther' is,
spend five minutes knocking round some right-wing looney site
(like WorldNetDaily, for example) and you'll know more than you want to.
Basically, they believe that Barack Obama was not born in the US,
and therefore, according to the constitution,
not legally allowed to be president.
Pretty desperate, huh?
Not like that 'ol rag ever stopped Dubyah in his day, anyhoo!
So anyway, back to my theory, which is about Birthers, and is as follows:
Actually, this theory is related to another theory I have,
and have had since about 1990, about a certain movie star,
which, when I tell it to people causes them to say things like,
"Uhh, like that's ever going to happen, you're an idiot!"
or, "That's impossible, it's unconstitutional!"
which they'll probably say about this theory too,
but, oh look, I've gone and gotten myself sidetracked again!
Now: theory of mine, Birther theory, begins like this:
Well, it began, to be honest, when I asked, "why?"
Why is this stoopid conspiracy theory there?
I mean, it's the sorta thing only the shallow end
of the Republican gene pool would truly believe,
but somehow a little too intellectual for them to come up with.
Your average redneck's more like, "Bah-rack Oh-bamma?
Sounds kinda like I-rack Oh-samma t'me!
Ah reckon he's one a them Mooz-leems!"
I'd say the idea was handed to them by
the arseholes who actually benefit from the Republican agenda.
So to clarify: followed by rednecks, pushed by Fox - why is that?
Not, why do the white trash wanna see Barack's birth certificate?
Who knows why they believe the things they do?
I could care less if Obama's president or not!
Hasn't made one jot of difference to US foreign policy!
Okay, okay, back on track now, my theory, the one about Birthers:
What does the Fox cabal
and all that neocon think-tanky machination behind them
hope to gain by all this?
They can't imagine they'll gain government by these means?
(Not that that would make much difference, as I've implied)
No, it feels like they're pulling a more minor political stunt,
something designed to achieve some indirect gain...
and this is what brought me to my older theory,
the one about a certain action movie star.
At this point you're probably thinking,
ah, he's lost the thread of his argument again!
But I haven't, have I? Have I?
Wait a minute, where was I?
Oh yeah, no, no, I've got it, theory, Birthers, mine, here it is:
President Arnold Schwarzenegger.
You laugh now, but you won't be in 2012.
Many of you will not have heard of the
Amend for Arnold campaign.
There's a reason for that: it died in the arse.
And there's a good reason for that: it was boring.
Run it past any good PR firm and they'd tell you,
you gotta target your demographic dumbasses!
Or rather, you gotta target your demographic: Dumbasses.
Your everyday bible-belt hick don't give a fuck about constitutional reform.
They will, however, care very much about the fact that
THAT BAH-RACK OH-BAMMA IS A DIRTY ROTTEN LIAR
WHO SHOULDN'T OUGHT EVEN BE IN THA WHITEHOUSE!
The Democrats are thus presented with an unpleasant but tempting option -
unpleasant, because they know the Republicans want it too,
but tempting, because it'll wrap up the whole Birther noise,
and the idea of Arnie actually getting in seems so improbable.
Heck, they might even try to use it as a pull for the immigrant vote.
Goddammit, why stop there? Let's propose another bill:
All illegals to be made American Citizens!
Now that's gotta pull the immigrant vote or nothing will!
And as a bonus, a few million new, debt-free consumers are created
(don't shake your head, the Romans tried it).
Now fast-forward to 2012,
the almighty US dollar's gone belly up,
world's on the brink of war,
the Fall of the Empire looms...
Who do the people cry out for?
A strong hand! A booming voice!
Who do all those newly minted citizens look to for their fading dream?
A fellow immigrant! A no-nonsense arse kicker!
ARNIE! ARNIE! ARNIE!
.