"Greetings From The Land Of The Dead & Rotting" ("Take" FUCKING two)...
Yesterday SUCKED...I stayed up ALL night Sunday, and ALL DAY Monday...And to compound all of that shit, Rentway (Aka the polup in tha anals of my existance) kept calling to collect the weekly rent on this blasted computer...As good 'ol Mom, in her delusions of "love & granduer" with Ray, forgot to pay it...ONCE AGAIN...ANd here it is Tuesday, and I'm not so sure I can count on her to do as such...But as I, nor my father have the dineros to pay as such, she's the last resort...UGH...They'll prolly be calling any minute now...With any "luck" they might even try and finally "repo" the blasted thing...And all my hard "work" will be lost to the ages...Fuck fuck fuckity fuck...Not to mention that I had to once again, in an almost "coma-like" stupor due to sleep deprivation, explain to my said "fatherly figure" what his "problem with life" was, and how to "conquer it" (Which started with him thinking I was "mad at him", as I didn't utter really a word upon his arrival here yesterday afternoon, as I was EXHAUSTED, and wanted little more than to curl up in my bed, and attempt to fall asleep)...However my tired speech probably fell, once again, on "deaf ears", as he hears only what HE WANTS TO, and fails to take in account anyone else's point of view, and continually wants to live in his self-imposed little "dream world", his "safe little bubble", coddeled by stale answers from us kids, to which the questions he asks of us are just as old, and repeated verbatim...His "reassurance", as he calls it...
Just another notch in the ol' ulcer for me...And his repeated attempts to be a "part" of my life NOW, as oppossed to when I was GROWING UP, some 20 years ago is disconcerting..."Making up for lost time...24 years too late"...It's saddening...A part of me wants to embrace it, as he doesn't have much longer on this god-forsaken planet...The other half wants him to "burn for his past sins"...So it's one BIG FUCKING CONUNDRUM...And I'm confused at EVERY TURN...I have NO "point of reference" for this "new" version of my Dad...It's still new...It's almost as if I'm FINALLY getting the "Dad I never had"...But when he starts talking in a baby voice to address me sometimes it's just fucking CREEPY...It's almost as if his mind has reverted back to when I WAS a child...And trying to get him to differentiate the two (Me the VS. Me THE ADULT NOW) is almost impossible, in his quest to "right his past disgretions"...
But I digress...
And then the further loss of sleep...Trying IN VAIN to cop a few winks (Read: AN HOUR) before rushing off to work again in a "I woke up late again" furor...Unsuccessfull...Lying in bed half-awake for two hours, only to FINALLY fall asleep in the last few moments before having to get up and get get ready for work does NOT equate "rest"...
So needless to say work dragged on FOREVER last night...At least it was mind-numbing enough to cancel out any "concious thought", to the point that I didn't even really question how much I was busting my ass...At least it's over...One step towards being "free" for the next 5 days (After tonight)...Yeah, the hours and days at work right suck balls...But as I've stated before in past entries, there's NOTHING I can do about it right now...Where's fucking March when you need it...
AND, I don't know where this "ride" called "life" is taking me...Most disconcerting...I don't know how, or even WHEN I'll be able to move out, start paying ALL of my own bills again, if I'll be able to find a better job, go back to school (THAT one's still in the air), or ultimately be able to become "self-sufficient" once over...
"The 'Unknown' Is terribly frightening"...
Speaking of the future, I gotta fill out my tax returns...I keep forgetting it, or putting it off...If I don't, good 'ol "reliable" Mom will forget ONCE AGAIN (This will make year 3), and once again forgoe my much-needed fundage...
I missed "Tiny E"'s (Lauren Toney for the uninitiated) birthday "bash" last night...Guess I'll have to make it up to her this weekend, providing that I have enough money TO do anything with...
Which brings me to another point...CABIN FEVER...Unclean, unshaven, mostly fat & bloated, sitting behind this computer screen, burying myself in my little "projects" of one sort or another...To pass the time...And to convince myself I'm not "widdling my life way" doing absolutely NOTHING...When I could be out with my friends, drinking, bullshitting, or doing something other than sitting here, ultimately ALONE, and detached from the rest of the waking world...To date, I haven't been out of this house, other than to go to work, in like almost 2 1/2 WEEKS...I almost forget what the waking world looks like, as I only usually see it when nightfall hits...Not such a bad thing I suppose...However I do miss all the fun I used to have whilst under the beating sun...I might as well change my name to "Vlad", start refering to my apartment as "my castle in the hills", and start draining my neighbors of much-need "bodily fluids" (Get your mind out of the gutter)...Hell...It would probably be more nurishing than the lack of ANYTHING actually EDIBLE in this hell-hole...It's almost like I'm "Goth", without being as such (Hell...I ONCE WAS...Got into LAOT of cool musick though ;P)...
I NEED TO GET OUT!! ROADTRIP!! Until then I guess it's bad re-runs, mass-media induced slop passed of as "entertainment" or "news", old VHS epics, and the company of the glowing "plasma" computer screen to ease my "woes"..."My guitar, gently weeps"...BLAH...BULLSHIT...Truthfully, on that end, I purposely BLAST the HELL outta my neighbors with said "musical instrument" (OF DOOM!! Ha Ha!!), just to get a rise outta them...You know...For my own amusement...Almost as if to see if I'm the only one still alive on this forsaken burg...
HOW BORING HAS MY EXISTANCE FUCKING BECOME?!?!...
But speaking of said "sub-culture", has anyone noticed how easily certain "Goth Mainstays" (Save for the ones who eat, sleep, and, breathe the words of Rozz Williams, Andrew Eldritch, and a one Peter Murphy) around here are going the way of the indiginous "emo" (Personal "partners in crime", afflicted with this trendy "plauge" shall remain nameless)? I guess Robert Smith, Siouxsie, and/or Morrisey weren't "depressing" or "poetic" enough for them...
EMO SUCKS...PERIOD.
But lastly I leave you with this: http://aolsvc.news.aol.com/news/article.adp?id=20040216145509990001&_ccc=3...PROOF that "religion" is nothing but a sham, and nothing but a front for gay kiddie porn...BLECH.
Off to TRY to get a "day's rest", and moan about the fact I have to work tonight...And to bitch my Mom out for not calling Rentway like I asked her to (And subsequently KNOCKING ME OFF OF AOL, AND ALMOST LOOSING THIS LONG ENTRY HERE)...
Cheers.
P.s. - For those who suffered through this, my eccentricly LONG blog, my apologies, as I have yet to master the infamous "livejournal cut" that seems to be so popular here at Live Journal...
Just another notch in the ol' ulcer for me...And his repeated attempts to be a "part" of my life NOW, as oppossed to when I was GROWING UP, some 20 years ago is disconcerting..."Making up for lost time...24 years too late"...It's saddening...A part of me wants to embrace it, as he doesn't have much longer on this god-forsaken planet...The other half wants him to "burn for his past sins"...So it's one BIG FUCKING CONUNDRUM...And I'm confused at EVERY TURN...I have NO "point of reference" for this "new" version of my Dad...It's still new...It's almost as if I'm FINALLY getting the "Dad I never had"...But when he starts talking in a baby voice to address me sometimes it's just fucking CREEPY...It's almost as if his mind has reverted back to when I WAS a child...And trying to get him to differentiate the two (Me the VS. Me THE ADULT NOW) is almost impossible, in his quest to "right his past disgretions"...
But I digress...
And then the further loss of sleep...Trying IN VAIN to cop a few winks (Read: AN HOUR) before rushing off to work again in a "I woke up late again" furor...Unsuccessfull...Lying in bed half-awake for two hours, only to FINALLY fall asleep in the last few moments before having to get up and get get ready for work does NOT equate "rest"...
So needless to say work dragged on FOREVER last night...At least it was mind-numbing enough to cancel out any "concious thought", to the point that I didn't even really question how much I was busting my ass...At least it's over...One step towards being "free" for the next 5 days (After tonight)...Yeah, the hours and days at work right suck balls...But as I've stated before in past entries, there's NOTHING I can do about it right now...Where's fucking March when you need it...
AND, I don't know where this "ride" called "life" is taking me...Most disconcerting...I don't know how, or even WHEN I'll be able to move out, start paying ALL of my own bills again, if I'll be able to find a better job, go back to school (THAT one's still in the air), or ultimately be able to become "self-sufficient" once over...
"The 'Unknown' Is terribly frightening"...
Speaking of the future, I gotta fill out my tax returns...I keep forgetting it, or putting it off...If I don't, good 'ol "reliable" Mom will forget ONCE AGAIN (This will make year 3), and once again forgoe my much-needed fundage...
I missed "Tiny E"'s (Lauren Toney for the uninitiated) birthday "bash" last night...Guess I'll have to make it up to her this weekend, providing that I have enough money TO do anything with...
Which brings me to another point...CABIN FEVER...Unclean, unshaven, mostly fat & bloated, sitting behind this computer screen, burying myself in my little "projects" of one sort or another...To pass the time...And to convince myself I'm not "widdling my life way" doing absolutely NOTHING...When I could be out with my friends, drinking, bullshitting, or doing something other than sitting here, ultimately ALONE, and detached from the rest of the waking world...To date, I haven't been out of this house, other than to go to work, in like almost 2 1/2 WEEKS...I almost forget what the waking world looks like, as I only usually see it when nightfall hits...Not such a bad thing I suppose...However I do miss all the fun I used to have whilst under the beating sun...I might as well change my name to "Vlad", start refering to my apartment as "my castle in the hills", and start draining my neighbors of much-need "bodily fluids" (Get your mind out of the gutter)...Hell...It would probably be more nurishing than the lack of ANYTHING actually EDIBLE in this hell-hole...It's almost like I'm "Goth", without being as such (Hell...I ONCE WAS...Got into LAOT of cool musick though ;P)...
I NEED TO GET OUT!! ROADTRIP!! Until then I guess it's bad re-runs, mass-media induced slop passed of as "entertainment" or "news", old VHS epics, and the company of the glowing "plasma" computer screen to ease my "woes"..."My guitar, gently weeps"...BLAH...BULLSHIT...Truthfully, on that end, I purposely BLAST the HELL outta my neighbors with said "musical instrument" (OF DOOM!! Ha Ha!!), just to get a rise outta them...You know...For my own amusement...Almost as if to see if I'm the only one still alive on this forsaken burg...
HOW BORING HAS MY EXISTANCE FUCKING BECOME?!?!...
But speaking of said "sub-culture", has anyone noticed how easily certain "Goth Mainstays" (Save for the ones who eat, sleep, and, breathe the words of Rozz Williams, Andrew Eldritch, and a one Peter Murphy) around here are going the way of the indiginous "emo" (Personal "partners in crime", afflicted with this trendy "plauge" shall remain nameless)? I guess Robert Smith, Siouxsie, and/or Morrisey weren't "depressing" or "poetic" enough for them...
EMO SUCKS...PERIOD.
But lastly I leave you with this: http://aolsvc.news.aol.com/news/article.adp?id=20040216145509990001&_ccc=3...PROOF that "religion" is nothing but a sham, and nothing but a front for gay kiddie porn...BLECH.
Off to TRY to get a "day's rest", and moan about the fact I have to work tonight...And to bitch my Mom out for not calling Rentway like I asked her to (And subsequently KNOCKING ME OFF OF AOL, AND ALMOST LOOSING THIS LONG ENTRY HERE)...
Cheers.
P.s. - For those who suffered through this, my eccentricly LONG blog, my apologies, as I have yet to master the infamous "livejournal cut" that seems to be so popular here at Live Journal...