(no subject)
so i haven't updated livejournal extensively in quite some time. i'm drunk and watching that made for tv movie the judy garland story (the ante-explanatory part of the title has something to do with shadows?) and it's quite grand what red wine will do to you. let me tell you: judy garland was quite stunning. anyhow, i live in austin now. i live with my mother and i get drunk by myself and go to coffee shops quite a bit and hang out with the mom. i turned down a job that paid more than enough for me to live on just because it was office-oriented and i want to work in a place with young people, just so i can meet more people. the only people i know here really are favian and lauren. favian's not returning my phone calls because i apparently made things awkward and lauren is busy with school and work and shows and whatnot and i don't want to impose too much. i had a phone interview with the container store last thursday and i'm really holding out for that. it would be perfect. an amazing company where i could advise people on how to organize their living space. ladies and gentlemen of the jury, it sounds like a dream come true. (apologies for the jury appeal, i've been reading lolita). yes, now that i have free time, i'm trying to utilize it by reading and not playing text twist and watching tv. i really miss my reed friends. i miss being able to walk around a small campus and potentially find something going on (although, usually nothing). i still miss jordan and vasae and kumar and ben and kelsey and etc. etc.
my mother is being very supportive and i'm growing to love her more and more each day that i live here. i know that i won't be living here very long but i'm glad knowing that i'll be in the same city as she because she needs me and i her. my sister will be moving in with her over the summer and will probably get her own place in austin shortly after she graduates.
so yes, i've been spending my time getting drunk alone. getting drunk alone is pathetic, i admit, but not more pathetic than being sober alone, in my opinion. i think about favian a lot and about the mistakes i've made but i've recently learned that i can't dwell because it gets me nowhere. i still want him back but i want to give him space and respect his wishes because i never did that when we were together. i owe him that. it's just hard to move on with my life when i'm unemployed. it will get easier once i have a job. i just need to meet people here, so i'm not stuck in perpetual limbo.
well, after a couple of months of not updating livejournal (with "worthy" entries) i think i'm about to have a heart attack with the amount of emotional shit i've bared with this one entry.
my mother is being very supportive and i'm growing to love her more and more each day that i live here. i know that i won't be living here very long but i'm glad knowing that i'll be in the same city as she because she needs me and i her. my sister will be moving in with her over the summer and will probably get her own place in austin shortly after she graduates.
so yes, i've been spending my time getting drunk alone. getting drunk alone is pathetic, i admit, but not more pathetic than being sober alone, in my opinion. i think about favian a lot and about the mistakes i've made but i've recently learned that i can't dwell because it gets me nowhere. i still want him back but i want to give him space and respect his wishes because i never did that when we were together. i owe him that. it's just hard to move on with my life when i'm unemployed. it will get easier once i have a job. i just need to meet people here, so i'm not stuck in perpetual limbo.
well, after a couple of months of not updating livejournal (with "worthy" entries) i think i'm about to have a heart attack with the amount of emotional shit i've bared with this one entry.